Why '50 Shades of Gray' Is Not a Love Story

I remember when the hype about the 50 Shades of Gray movie dominated my social media site. Quite a few of my friends were excited about seeing it, and wanted front seats at the cinema.

It wasn't until last month (October 2019) when I first saw it... Whilst people were very excited about this being a great, erotic love film, it is far from it... In fact, it is not a love story at all... but one of abuse and violence.

Here's why:

1) Christian Gray is a violent, sexual sadist who is controlling, jealous, abusive and predatory. In the first film, Christian stalks Ana—he puts a tracker on her phone so he can follow her. Stalking is a sexual crime, of which is portrayed as romantic in the film. Whenever Ana speaks to another male colleague, i.e. Paul from the Hardware store, Christian become jealous. Another example is Jose, whom, whilst is a sexual predator too, when Christian has his photo shoot, sees Jose smile at Ana, becomes very jealous of this too.

During the first film, Christian talks with Ana about a contract, and he expects her to sign it, and Ana must do everything he says, otherwise she'll be punished. This is violent, controlling behaviour, that restricts Ana from doing what she wants to do, otherwise she'll be beaten for not doing what he says. The fact that it is dressed up as 'love' is damaging, and exceptionally harmful to victims of domestic violence. There is no love in controlling another person.

One of the final scenes in the first 50 Shades film shows Christian beating Ana with a belt. Whilst Ana said to him "show me the worst you can do," she is forced to endure the humiliation and the beating, having to count the number of times he hits her, whilst crying and in distress. Any loving partner, would not do that. This is a true reflection of the sadistic person Christian Gray is. Whilst he states in the second film that he knows "how fucked up" it is to become sexually aroused by beating and punishing women, and is "working on that," abusers never change.

2) It gets the BDSM wrong (Bondage, Dominance, Submissive, Masachism). After researching a bit about BDSM, there is and element of aftercare, where, either during or after some form dominance/submission has taken place, the dominant checks their partner to see if they're ok. At times, they may not even go to the full length due to harm that is caused, and if their partner is in distress. Christian does not do this, and continually abuses Ana until she submits to him.

3) Whilst Ana and Christian get married and have children, and seems like everything is OK, it is not realistic. Abusers do not change. This is a myth. Often, victims of domestic abuse will say "I think I can change him," when in reality, this is not the case. Women who are in love with men who are abusive find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle. This message of Ana 'changing' Christian Grey is harmful to women who have been in this situation.

4) In the final film, Ana becomes pregnant. Christian cannot deal with this, and struggles with processing this. He runs back to Elaine, whom in the first film explains that she abused him for six years (ages 15-21). Ana, distraught by this, by the fact that he ran back to his abuser over a pregnancy shows how deep down, Christian is a seriously disturbed, irresponsible and clearly an unfaithful partner.

5) One final point: Whilst Christian Gray is this clean shaven, smartly dressed, billionaire who presents himself well, if he were poor, and living in a small flat, would the response be any different? Would people still see him in a similar light?

The 50 Shades trilogy, is nothing more but a violent, sexual relationship.