Why do I love so much? I ask myself this question everyday. Everyday I sit and think about why I have so many attachments. So many souls I am connected to...
Well lack for a better world, its because I fuck. I connect my soul to these men by being physically involved. You might ask why I do this. Honestly I dont know why I have sex with so many men. Shit maybe because the people I have on my team are sexy. Or maybe its because they give me money. Hell! I don’t know. But this is why I am here. This is why I am writing to express how I truly feel. I must sound like a slut huh. Well call me what you want. I do what I want when I want. This is the mindset I started when I graduated high school. I felt like I was grown and I should have sex with anyone I want if I wanted to. Unfortunately, this rule applied even if I had a boyfriend. But I swear I really did love my boyfriends. Those men would just cheat on me so I decided to cheat back…
But that's another story I will get back to in the future.
As a young adult in this world I have gone through a lot. Heartbreak, sexual abuse, Fights and arguements. Everything you can think of a young girl can go through in the crazy world. I think I learn from my mistakes but end up doing the same shit. What the hell is wrong with me. I don't even know. Have you ever had that problem when you think you've learned your lesson but then you keep repeating the same shit over and over and over. Yeah, thats me. I get my heart broken one time then I turn right back around and im heart broken again. I know a guy aint shit and I still fuck with him. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think it's because of my childhood. I grew up seeing my mom raised me as a single mother. And if your a young single woman you can only guess what she was doing at 24-25 years old. Clearly trying to live her best life. I couldn't even imagine being a mom right now at the age of 23. As many dicks as I go through I don't need my kid picking that habit up. I know, I know it's so bad.
Back to my childhood
But yeah about my childhood in my early years I sat there and seen my father beat on my mom. Till this day he never wants to talk about him beating my mom but he sure will tell me how much my mom was not shit. Apparently she use to cheat on my dad. He would say “ a man can feel the difference.” I mean, is this even true? Long story short I don't think my mom nor dad are shit. So yeah they have made a daughter that ain't shit either. Isn't that sad. It quite funny to me cause I really aint shit but im learning.
But I want to take you into my journey. You will be my therapy. The life I live I can't express to anyone. I can't deal to be judged but I don't care. This will be my outlet in expressing my deepest darkest secrets and past relationships.
Situations that people don't talk about or are scared to talk about.
But Who am I?
A girl in a world that just wants to tell HER TRUTH. HER STORY. HER LIFE.
To be continued...