The Date That Made Me Perfect

I’m a bit of a loner. Or maybe the loneliest loser there could be. Those two aspects are what I am and behind it resembles a bitter end of believing I’ll never find love. I’ve tried everything. Dating apps, chat lines, bars and suggestions from friends. Nothing seems to work for me. I’m not sure if I’m not made for love or if maybe I’m just not meant to be saved. Which ever it is I’ve made a name for myself by being the bitch no one wants. It’s troubling because in my entire life I’ve never felt sexually satisfied or emotionally involved so I can never tell if maybe it’s the blame on my end or if what I’m looking for is too spontaneous of a happening and that’s why I haven’t been pleased with my past relationships.

My past relationships are the reason why I’m single. Not a thing or person that confronts me into staying with them long enough for them to see me for who I truly am. Since even I myself don’t know who I am or what I am looking for I have decided to hop on the dangerous route and try at meeting someone new who isn’t exactly all that “new” but shall be new to me in the love department and by getting to be involved with them. To the good extents and the bad. I want all of it. The hate, the love, the protection, the punishments, the fun times and the low days. I need it. I want it. I’m on the looks for it. Nothing can stop me from this desire I feel burning in my soul. The men I’ve come across have not been aggressive protective which is what I look for in my one that I want to claim as all my own. It’s an interesting yet playful chase at me wanting this man who knows how to love me. I have yet to find the man or even any man that will take care of me in the ways that overprotective men get drawn out for.

I’m into it. Completely. Yet for some reason the men I have come across just simply do not enjoy showing their true colours from the start and it’s sad because I know that almost all women would run away from these types of men but for me that’s usually my reason to stay and for me to be wanting more from him without it turning awkward or flipping into a scene that could look bad to those outside of the commotion. I guess that says it all. I’m into “strict” men and honestly I have no shame about it. Maybe because for me I never grew up with a dad or a father figure for yes my entire life. So these strict men are my take on getting right and for recreating myself into a perfect being and a perfect woman who can finally stand tall towards the world she has been afraid of.

My work life is tough so to say by doing what I do which would be being a marketing assistant for an executive company in which we touch topics like children’s mental health. It all gets established and we bring out the idea of “Kids are Lonesome” and “Mental Kids Lack Self Validation”. Where my soul power is liberated by expressing the issues of what goes on in the life of the small people. It’s hard to find a man in my type at work but today something strange happened. As I was making a cup of coffee this handsome man walks in. I know who he is but still he’s handsome and I had to check him because that’s what I do and how I am when it comes down to seeing attractive people. It just calms me to know such beauty exists. And within people in general because I’ve dealt with too much trouble from others in which is the reason why I am a lonely loser.

This guys name is Brody and he looks my type but then again I could be wrong. I don’t want to be wrong about him because at my age I’m tired of not having someone to bring with me to our family holiday dinners. Getting asked “oh! You’re still single?” Gets annoying and I’m embarrassed about it every time. So I’m attempting to do something different and I’ve made my move to ask this guy out. That’s the different part because I do get approached by men but they do not show me who they truly are right away which I see as a red flag. Although yes my type may be seen as a red flag on its own I still need that type of person to be in my life and give me guidance. I approach him now. Smiling and contemplating how to do this without coming across as a weirdo. I’m a bit strange but he looks the same. I’m in silent prayers that this one will be the one and my chance to finally conclude with life that there is someone out there for me.

He stands there looking at me like he knows what’s up. I stare at him with confidence in what I’m about to do. I dare with myself and ask him to go for a date on the weekend. To my pleasure he responded with a yes. I get filled with excitement because I know this time things will go my way. He puts his hand on my left shoulder and looks at me in the eyes. Puts his head close to my ear and whispers “make sure you don’t dress too sexy. I’m not into sharing.” I quickly nod my head yes and take a step away from him. I’m already wet because I didn’t expect that. But then again who am I fooling. Only myself because I knew what I was getting into the moment I decided to decide to ask him out.

The weekend comes faster than a broken-sad-lonely-girl who masturbates too much. I’m in a black dress with black knee high boots with my hair down over my shoulders and a pink lipgloss that compliments my luscious lips. I got shaky getting ready because I’m not sure what “too sexy” looks like in his eyes. So I’m praying I haven’t hit strike one already. I get this ache my belly. I know I’ll be drinking tonight but I barely ate. Knowing this time if I were to black out from drinking too much wine he would not abandon me or take advantage of me but surely would help take care of me until I return to consciousness and that’s all I could ask for. He arrives at my place telling me how gorgeous he thought I looked and told me to change though because he cannot keep his focus on the night with me looking so fine. I respected that and decided to wear another outfit. One that had long sleeves, tight ripped jeans and a pair of pink pumps. He shakes his head in disapproval and I feel myself being gripped in the hair being told “not too sexy. Did I not say?” I make a whimper from the surprise and look up in his eyes to see if maybe I’m already striking out with him. He shakes his head no and tells me maybe to wear sweatpants and a long sleeve top so I can feel relaxed when we are in our heightened drunk-tipsy adventures. I quickly change my outfit and peep in the mirror to see if I’m looking as confident as I feel. I sure did.

Now we are off to his place where our date will take place as my studio apartment is too small for our adventures and my baby cat would be watching, judging, and witnessing the showdown which i’d be too embarrassed to have to explain myself of later on. We get there shortly and the first thing we do is have an affair of a make out session. He’s a damn good kisser. I pant between kisses and beg for even more.

Nobody has ever electrified me in such a way. So I’m already feeling bound by his touch and it’s only making me want more from him. But I’m no sex fiend I’m more so into the connection rather than the penetration. We make it to his bed as we’re still kissing each other like lovers. He stops and rises up in a fearing way but i found it hot too. He says to me “are you hungry for me yet? Or should we drink some more of this merlot then try this passionate love making afterwards?” He gets up before I can answer and makes his way to the kitchen. “Yes” I squeak out then try to regain a proper pose as he’s out of the room.

He comes back with two glasses. One for me and one for him of of this fancy merlot. “Good girl” he says as he noticed my pose being submissive. He hands me my glass and we start to chat about work things. He’s an entrepreneur when it came to down to how he feels on “mental kids lack self validation.” I’m going to say it. I think I’m in love. Already and at all. I don’t know what took me so long to embrace this one but am I ever glad I finally had. He’s sitting on the bed and I’m still sitting submissive on the floor. He smiles to me. “Come” he says and pats the spot on the bed beside him. I gather up my fears and do as I’m told. Not fast enough though so he’s looking mad and as he’s almost done his glass but I still have a little ways to go. I ask him “more?” And his response shook me. “Manors!” I hitched my breath and said “please?” He nodded in approval.

He leaves the room once again. I look around the room. I must have done it without permission but I had gotten up to get acquainted with the room and had went by the bedroom window to look outside. It was a gorgeous view and I was breath-taken by it. Brody comes back and I’m left unaware to his confusion of why I hadn’t mentioned what I was doing or trying to be doing. I apologized but he reassured me that it wasn’t a bad thing and that I could do as I please as long as I’m not causing any issues. Rest assured I gladly took that offer. I haven’t made any strikes with him so I’m starting to feel insecure about him and if I was wrong about who he is on that scale of impulse and sexual punishments.

I look at him and gather up my fears to ask him. “You are dominant... correct?” He looks at me confused but also relieved at my question. “Correct. I am dominant. But more so the abusive disciplinary type of man. I’m assuming you like that?” I couldn’t nod my head any quicker. “Use your words” he replies to my body language reply. In return I responded with a “Yes. It’s my only type. Besides by being the confident aggressive protective kind over me.” He smiled in a way I’ve never seen a man smile.

It was satisfying to witness. As I’m on my way to getting tipsy I stand up and make my way over to him. “This is special to me. Knowing you’re my type now. I wish to be yours. Please let me stay. That’s all I wish for is to stay.” He holds my hand and looks me deep in the eyes. “How could I say no to such a sweet girl?” I smile up at him and kiss his lips while we start getting undressed.

He presses his body up onto mine and we make tipsy love until we couldn’t take it anymore. He may have been the loveliest man to ever make me feel this kind of way. He brought me through my fears and turned me perfect in one night. The first night and for every night after. I’m his perfect girl and for me that is something remarkable.

I had two more glasses of wine and I am craving more of him. Im slurring slowly on my words but he knows what I’m trying to say. I’m a bit shy still but also a complete freak and as I wait for him to make the move again and I’m feeling ready to embrace the love burning inside of him for me. We end up having love encounters all night and it was the best I’ve had in my life.

The best because the connection was deep and well respected from not only me being satisfied with this desire to finally feel anything...let alone be completely pleased with my sex cravings. I end up staying the night with him and even his snuggles were amazing. I seen stars all night and it was wonderful. I know this date was exactly what I was looking for and I have finally concluded with myself and for myself that I’m not unlovable, I am just different from other women and my type of suitable lover is presented through honesty, dedication, and genuine, gentle yet romantically rough passion.