The Adventures of Bob

Bob: Hey, Sam! What are you doing?!

Sam: Hi, Bob! *Sam flails arms and throws head back, screaming*

Sam: Bob! Bobster! Bobby! Bobberoo! Boooo….

Bob: WHAT?! Why the fuck are you being annoying?! You should shut the fuck up and just come here!

*Sam still yelling and throwing head back*

Sam: Bob! Just come the fuck here! Bob! Booooobbbbb! Come here, Bob! Come here boy! *Sam whistles* Sam: BOOOBBB!

Bob: WHAT?! I’M FUCKING COMING!

*Sam laughs* I made you come with no fingers xD I didn’t even used my mouth this time *Bob winks seductively*

Bob: Shut up! I am not gay, don’t need your mouth around my dick unless you can covert into a female, then again, I still wouldn’t want you.

Sam: Oh, shut up, Bob. You know you want me *Sam winks again*

*Bob finally walks into the other room*

Bob: What?!...

Sam: Look at what I made!

*Bob’s eyes widened*

Bob: What did you build?!

*Sam laughs* This is a device that takes your whole DNA and you can get into the video game and actually, be in it! I programmed some of my own games; wanna play?! *Sam laughs*

*Bob walks over to the teleporter and stands under the capsule*

Sam: Just know you have to beat the game before you exit you should know that your body won’t come back whole. It’s still a development in process. But, before you start sign this waiver and make sure that you read through it, because if something happens to you in this game then it wouldn’t be my fault until the next day I try to get you out after “playing” with you and taking you through the game. This time, we are going to have to go through it step by step so I can start programming the AI for the game so you can move on your own. The game isn’t fully developed like that and that’s why I wanted you here and helping me through this. So, here is the waiver and you just sign here, here and here.

*Sam puts an X on the lines that needs to be signed*

*Bob just immediately signs it and doesn’t read it*

Sam: Just know that you not reading it isn’t smart. What you’re going to experience, the feeling of “hardness” that you’re going to feel isn’t going hold me reliable for anything.

Bob: Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean? What do you mean that I can’t hold you reliable?

Sam: Well, you didn’t read the waiver, so now time to be in the game.

*Before Bob can get out teleporter Sam switches the game on and Bob’s inside the game already*

Bob: Fuck!!! Should have read it before I BECAME A PENIS!!! FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! Guess as my punishment, of never reading the waiver/contract, I guess now I am a chode.

*Bob turns to the “camera”*

Bob: Just for the general audience that is watching. It’s very important to read something before you sign it or else you would turn into an 8-bit Micro Penis. Even your penis itself would turn into a micro penis. So, please read what you sign before doing anything that you might regret in the future.

Sam: Bob, who are you talking to?

Bob: YOU KNOW THE GENERAL AUDIENCE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE WATCHING THIS?! So they would know that this punishment can soon happen to them. What you’re doing may affect everyone in the future. Don’t do this to people in the future.

Sam: Oooh, that’s why you’re warning the general audience. So they won’t look like a big dick like you. Let me adjust you so you’re not so micro penis-y.

Bob: I really fucking hate you right now. It’s not cool to turn a man into a penis when he already has one.

Sam: Yes, it is cool. Cause now I can “play” with you the way that I want to. If you can see me right now, I am winking at you. I am winking so much to make you feel uncomfortable. *Sam laughs out loud*

Sam Continues: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I didn’t fully function the AI on this.

Bob yells: What?! What do you mean?!

*Sam: I have to play with you, and yes, WITH EVERY PUN INTENDED. *Sam laughs again*

Bob: Can you just hurry up beat the game and then let me get back to my work?

Sam: What do you mean work? You’re now my little toy to play with.

Bob: I swear if you tell me you’re being serious that I can’t play the game myself. Then you’re screwed when I get out there.

Sam: Okay, okay, okay. Just calm down; try to move.

*Bob moves back and forth and realized that he is the one that controls himself*

Sam: You’re the only one that controls the game. You went into the teleporter and turned yourself into a Micro Penis Bob and now you only have 3 lives to be able to finish the game or when your timer hits 0. Otherwise you gotta wait till tomorrow to try again. THERE IS, HOWEVER, chances to get multiple lives. You gotta collect the in-game coins, hit random Vageena Boxes for Vageena 1-Up Lives, or finish 5 levels to be able to get one at the end of the of the level in the mini game. If you match 3 Vageena Lives symbols then you’re able to win 5 - Vageena 1-Up Lives, if you hit 3 – Penis Bobs, (you), then you’re able to win a condom. The condom is a special ability that lasts 5 seconds in-game to defeat all your STD Enemies, the ones that keeps you away from Princess Vageena. At the end you finally meet the ultra, mega, STD infested dick named Cowser Mega Dick. When you reach there on the first level to meet Cowser Mega Dick then you’re able to start your fight. During the fight there will be random Vageena blocks that will pop up; hit those, they will give you special items and abilities. If not, then you have a higher chance of dying. Also, you gotta make sure you TeaBag Cowser, that’s the only way you’re going to beat him is if you teabag him 3x. You know what a TeaBag is, right, Bob?

Bob: Whatever you’re stating I don’t like it. I don’t want to continually be in this game. Please, just help me through this.

Sam laughs: Nah, man. I wanna enjoy this. Imma go get popcorn and be able to watch you die 3 times and have to do a loop of this game all over again. I love that you don’t read the waivers. *Sam laughs out loud* Just kidding, bro. I wanted you to test it out AND NOW YOU ARE! Have fun and let me know at the end of the game whether you like it or not. NOW START! You only got 500 seconds to be able to finish this level. Should be easy, but you’re the one that decides that!

Bob: I really don’t want to play this. I’m a fucking Micro Penis. I don’t want to be a Micro Penis.

Sam laughs: 30 seconds went by and you have not starting. If you don’t finish when the time runs out, you will lose your life.

Bob: I really don’t want to roll my balls and start moving. It would hurt, wouldn’t it?

Sam: It’s a video game, it’s not going to hurt.

Bob: I still really hate you for doing this.

Sam: You got another 90 seconds to finish this game; or you’re stuck her till tomorrow.

Bob: Alright, alright. I really don’t want to be a penis for a whole day. The things you can be saying and the people you could bring over to play with me, the micro 8-bit penis.

Sam: You got 55 seconds left. This one is short and easy. Just try it.

*Bob goes and jumps around hitting all the blocks and using his Vageena magic blocks. Bob then gets to the end and jumps*

Bob: Yeah, buddy! I am done!

Sam laughs: Not, you didn’t. Lol. That was the tutorial, that wasn’t it. I love how you used your balls as well.

Bob: WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WASN’T THE END OF IT?!

Sam: It’s not the end. Just because you’ve finished the round, doesn’t mean that it was the end.

Bob: Fuck you, just fuck you, Sam.

Sam: Alright, I am down for that once you come out and show me how big you really are. Right now, you’re sort of, what can I say a little 8-bitty. *Sam laughs loudly*

Bob: I am going to fuck you up. Imma fuck you up really good.

Sam: I am waiting for you to do so. I really hope you can understand that you’re just turning me on with your dirty talk.

Bob: Just fuck you. How long till I am able to play the next game.

Sam: Till I am done programming it. So, you’re going to have to be in there for more than 2 days. Sorry, Bob.

Bob: What do you mean? You fucking kidding me? I don’t want to wait another two days! What are you saying? I just want to be in my own body with my own dick in my pants. If it was for all the times that I made sexual innuendos to your sister than I am sorry. I will stop, please just hurry up! This is making me uncomfortable!

Sam: What?! You made sexual innuendos with my sister? How did she take it? What did she say? Did she like it? I just want to know, please tell me.

*Sam laughs and starts to type, programming the next level. This time he thought it would be funny to program vaginas with STDs coming at him. He made sure to emphasize that he had to protect himself from the STDs and that if he doesn’t then in a matter of 20 seconds in game time he will lose a life if he doesn’t find the right Vageena Block to cure the STDs*

Bob: Hey, so do I start now? Cause I really got other things to do in real life.

Sam: What do you mean? All you do is wank off and talk to these non-existent porn stars thinking that you’re going to be with them.

Bob: Shut up. I have an actual date with one. We are going to have a marvelous 3-some.

Sam: In your dreams *Sam laughs out loud*

Bob: Fine! Fuck you! Doesn’t matter if it’s just a virtual 3-some, just hurry up with the coding!

Sam: I already had it done. I just wanted to see what your reaction was going to be.

Bob: Dude, I don’t even know how we’re still even in each other’s lives.

Sam: I do, it’s because you’re my brother and I have helped you get to where you’re at now. *Sam turns forward and looks in front of an invisible camera* We will talk more about that when the time comes.

Bob: Who the fuck are you talking to, Sam? Are you being delusional again?

Sam: Maybe… Kinda took some shrooms and acid before having you do all this and it’s kinda tripping me out. We might have to wait!

Bob: You better not be fucking with me. Like, what are you doing? Stop it.

Sam: Stop what? I am just asking, do you really want me to try and press play and sit here and criticize you while you’re a penis. When you’re done with the game, you’re going to have me thinking you’re the real Penis Bob. I would just want to play with you. Just rub the shaft of that penis of yours. Mmm, real life Penuis Bob is so…..

Bob: Alright, Sam! Shut the fuck up and let’s just press play. Imma try to beat it. Actually… just to entertain you more; Imma do it on hard, cause you’re tripping balls right now.

*Sam bursts out in laughter and repeats* HAHAHA! TRIPPING BALLS! That’s a good one, Bob. I will press start. Remember you’re the one that has chosen this and you’re going to be the one that has to deal with the consequences of what happens if you die too so quickly.

Bob: I understand that. Imma change it if it’s too hard.

Sam: Oh, no you can’t. Once you start with this difficulty then you can’t change it. Sorry, bud. I don’t know where you got the idea that you can change the difficulty in the middle of the game. No games does that. Noob.

Bob: Fuck, fine. I will do it on hard and I will make sure that you’re the one that shoves a dick

*Sam starts the game and Bob starts going. Hitting every Vageena Block there is going through the std filled minions up to the end of the last little bit of level two and he meets up with the boss*

Sam: Yeah, there ya go, buddy! You got this. Just to let you know this boss minion, he has veins of might, you can see them right throw the shaft of his dick. Just be warned…

*Sam stays silent for a moment*

Bob: What? What is it? The boss level is about to start and I just want to get back to the real world!

Sam: I never put you back on to the medium settings. So, let’s see how this goes.

Bob: WHAT?!?! I AM SO GOING TO CHOKE YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!

Sam: Now, now. You gotta calm that anger. Remember what your therapist said.

Bob: I think she would understand at this point that I’m inside of a game and I am a penis.

Sam: I think she would find this entertaining. You know that your therapist has a humor too. She laughs every time I am there. I kinda dig your therapist. *Sam laughs out loud and then starts the game and you see Bob still playing the game*

Bob: When I get out here, you’re fucking toast. Gahh! How are you still my friend?!

Sam: Because you secretly have gay feelings for me and you want to get into my pants, just admit it, Bob. This is more than just a bromance.

Bob: No, I don’t want to get into your pants, and no, this isn’t more than just a bromance. I just can’t simply get rid of you cause I have no other friends and you’re the only one that is willing to deal with me.

Sam: You can say that. I still vouch for what I said about it being more of a bromance. Now, go on, start the game. At this point you’re the only reason why you’re not out yet. Just know that his level is going to be a little longer and it will have more of a story plot.

Bob: What the fuck do you mean?

Sam: You gotta talk to the people now. There are body parts along the way that represents all sorts of fetishes. You won’t just see the body parts but all the adult toys you can think of and interact with. Whips and Chains will be the ones to be the ones that will be on your side. If ya know what I mean *Sam coded a winky face in the sky with the clouds*

Bob: Wait, wait. Why did the graphics change, and how are you doing that?

Sam: Bob, this game is about going back in time seeing how you were when you were in the paradigm of trying to help out Princess Vajeena and when you came to the end of that game it became a reality of how the one you fought so hard for just wanted to see if you would go balls deep in her, to save her, from anything. Then you come into this game and realize that you’re on a depressed man’s body as he continually jacks off because no one loves him…

Bob: Wait, are you serious, or are you trolling?

Sam: Just trolling my friend. I got tired of the 8-bit and is going to switch it every so often to see if I want to keep it the 8-bit option or the standard high def. I definitely can see the pores of your balls. I just want to fondle it and make them mine. Man, I am totally getting a boner right now, Bob. You’re looking so good.

Bob: You’re the most awkward person that I have ever met. I now know why you don’t have any friends. *Bob finally laughs* But, I am kinda liking this game. NO, SAM! I AM NOT GAY!

Sam: I really think you’re somewhere in between. I’ve seen you checking out them males and their butts.

Bob: Shut up. I have never done that before. I’m what you call it as a heterosexual, Sam.

Sam: Just play the game. I wanna see how big your balls gets in this one. Whips will be your side kick for this level and at the end it will be it. You can come out the closet now and tell me that you finally love me, buddy. It’s okay.

Bob: I do love you, but I am still not gay. I promise you that.

Sam: Alright, but you play the role really well. Been playing with yourself lately? Has those online porn models be doing you well? Also, be careful of the herpinoids.

Bob: What are Herpinoids?

Sam: Herpinoids are herpes on Steroids. They will try to stop you, so make sure you hit all the Vajeena blocks there is to get those condoms to protect yourself when you’re around them.

Bob: Gotcha… you’re a weird character, my dude. Is there a way that I can get out there to smoke some herb? Cause I think this game will be better if I was stoned.

Sam: Don’t worry. Coded you some more dick friends to cheer you on and have a smoke sesh with so you don’t have to feel like there is no one there for you. They are just to scared to do what you’re doing and will just wait on the sidelines while you do all the work. Also… they might play with your balls with theirs. *Sam laughs again and starts to code in the penises that are supposed to be Bob’s cheerleaders.*

Bob: You’re such a weird person. But, whoa. They are bigger than me. I am kinda jealous on how bigger their shafts and balls are. Why couldn’t you make me that big and why can’t they go in and fend for the vagina princess?

Sam: They are cowards. They are only here for one scene and one scene only and that is to help you celebrate the fact that you’re continuing on with the game and I commend you for that, my friend, Bob.

Bob: What do you mean?

Sam: You’re going on to the next round and agreed to it. I got your verbal consent.

Bob: what do you mean you got my verbal consent? You told me that I HAD TO DO IT AND THAT THERE IS NO WAY OUT?!

Sam: Well, yeah. I know, but you could have. If you would have read the contract I couldn’t force you by your testicles to stay in the game; that’s kidnapping, but if you didn’t read the contract and you signed it then you’re held to whatever questions that I throw at you or any kind of trickery that I may say that comes out of my mouth. This is why and how I am teaching you to always read a contract before agreeing to any terms. Cause who knows you might sign your soul away and I think that is in my contract as well.

Bob: WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

*Sam laughs* Sam: I am just kidding. Calm down. I would never do that to someone. Talk about having a full-on anxiety attack. *Sam laughs* I know you’re afraid to sell your soul to anything. It’s okay.

Bob: You’re truly a dick. Why don’t we light saber it out. Tip to tip, balls to balls. Best dick wins. I bet we can do that. If I win I can come out the game, if not. I will stay in “The Adventures of Bob: In An Adult 8-Bit Retro Game” and be the main character of the story, but you’re going to have to finish coding it all out.

Sam: Is this a “Big Dick Challenge” I hear?

Bob: Let’s do it!!

*Sam starts coding out the game “Snake” and renamed it “Big Dick Game”*

Sam: Okay, the rules are simple. It is like the game Snake back when we were a kid and they had it on the little flip phones. Now, this time it’s called “Big Dick Game” and it’s basically the same as “Snake”, but with a twist.

Bob: Oh, shit. I didn’t know I was my human self.

Sam: I have a very good processor and graphics card to be able to change anything really quickly so you don’t have to feel a thing.

Bob: Wait, why aren’t you working with the big people? You’re smart enough to do that.

Sam: Shhh, cause I don’t like the “Big People”. They are grimey corps. Shhh, don’t tell anyone I said that.

*Bob finally laughs and feels a little more relaxed* I feel great being a human 8-bit version of me, but I don’t like being a penis. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. But, overall, this is an amazing idea. I wonder who you can get to sponsor you on the big named games.

Sam: I don’t know. It would be cool to see what it is like to play in some of those games with this, but all I know is that I can code my stuff and make them fun.

Bob: WAIT!!!

Sam: What? I am almost done coding all this in. I will be in the game in a minute and then we are going to hop into the portal and we will start out as baby dicks and then work ourselves up to be the massive dicks we can be as MEN.

Bob: You’re really ridiculous. I don’t even know how you live with yourself.

Sam: I don’t know either, but why don’t you give me ten minutes. Enjoy this beach that I coded out so I can let people enjoy it while the other games are being coded out or being loaded. Let me know if you want a dog or something in there so I can code that before finishing this up.

*Sam types away at the keyboard to make sure that the game is even and fair. Bob interrupts Sam during the middle of his coding session.*

Bob: Hey, you could code me some weed and dabs. Come on now.

Sam: Shit, I forgot. My bad. I forgot how much of a stoner you are.

*Bob laughs* I don’t know what else to do. I make money, but I already finish my collection and my hobby collection is complete. So, I can spend the rest on the herbs. It’s actually good for you in a lot of ways. It helps with cancer and some mental health problems like depression, PTSD and social anxiety.

Sam: Alright, you researcher. I know you wouldn’t do anything bad to yourself. So, now, how’s about this the coding is done we can smoke together when we get in there and before the game so it would make it more interesting.

Bob: Alright. But, I promise you, that my dick is going to be bigger than yours and I am going to win the big dick game.

Sam: You know, you never actually beat me score in “Snake” so we will see about that.

Bob: Fuck you! This time will be the time that I will be you in “Snake” but, it will be the “Big Dick Game”. I will make sure that I won’t be that Bob that you’re wanting me to be!

*Sam laughs* Sure, you’re going to be the Bob that is going to be saving princess Vajeena. *Sam laughs even louder* Now, let’s have our rivalry smoke sesh and dabs.

*Sam jumps into the teleporter and started the portal to the “Big Dick Game” and they lit a join and took 2 fat gram of dabs a piece and Sam stated*

Sam: Let’s go now. I am going to whoop your sorry little balls into mercy and you’re going to be the main person to help me with The Adventures of Bob! Ahaha!

Bob: Today is the day that I am going to beat you at “Snake” or a.k.a the “Big Dick Game”

*Sam and Bob jumps into the teleporter high as a kite and started the game. They each took turns while each dick grows bigger and bigger. The scores are getting higher and higher wishing there was an audience in the crowd, and yet, there was. Sam and Bob hears a voice coming from the microphone and said

Unknown Character: Hey, Bob and Sam! It’s Charlie. I thought I would let myself in since we had plans to hang out today. I see that you guys are busy being dicks and growing. Can I sit here and watch.

*Both Bob and Sam ran into the shaft of their dicks and they both screamed really loudly.*

Sam and Bob: CHARLIE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK! COULDN’T YOU WAIT TILL WE WERE DONE! FUCK! What was the score?

Charlie: They were the exact same… What did I do? It’s not my fault that you guys didn’t answer the door and decided to jump into a dick game that I knew that Sam was going to put Bob in because of his wet dreams that he had the other night.

Sam: Shut up! I didn’t tell you anything about a wet dream…

Bob: What do you mean a wet dream?! Anyways, we gotta play a tiebreaker because I am not going to be the one that ends up in The Bob’s Adventure’s Game.

Charlie: I will be down to be the ref and tell you who wins what.

Sam: Dope, let’s do it!

Bob: You’re on again and this time I will definitely win!

Sam: You’re on. Here is for the tiebreaker!

*The game started again. Bob and Sam so focused on making sure that their dicks were bigger and longer. Avoiding every STD and STI obstacles there was and going into every pussy hole that there is and making their dicks grow bigger and lengthier every time that they go into a vagina. Every time that they enter an inch is and slowly the game was coming to a tie again and the game kept going further and further into the pussy and then the silence was broken by Charlie*

Charlie: Oh shit! I won the jackpot on this Scratch Card! Come check it out. Someone has to win soon. You guys have been dicking around for the last 2 hours that I have been here. It seems like that you guys are really for each other. I don’t what had happened when I was gone, BUT this is getting intense. Also, is there any other games that this thing comes with? I would love to try something that wasn’t adult centric. *Charlie laughs* I wonder how many times I can get shot in a free for all video game and still survive.

*Sam and Bob came to a halt and all of a sudden the game ended and neither of the dicks could grow longer and the points where down to the last little bit and then the game ended. They jumped out of the portal and Sam asked*

Sam: So, who won? Also, congrats on the scratch card.

Charlie: I didn’t win on no scratch card. I just wanted you guys to be freaking done already xD I got some 99.99% dabs that I want you guys to try out. Also, Bob won that game.

Sam: WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING OBSESSIVELY PLAYING SNAKE KNOWING THAT I WAS GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A DICK?!

Bob: No, I just know how to drive my dick better into the vaginas then you did. I made of the vaginas squirt. Did you? *Bob winks*

Sam: No, I made the game and yet you made more vaginas squirt then I did?! This is bullshit. I will get you again, Bob! I promise you! I will win the next “Big Dick Game”!

Bob laughs and jumps out of the teleporter and finally gives Charlie a hug.*

Bob: Also, I think I would rather be with Charlie if I was gay then you. He didn’t turn me into a dick out of nowhere and yes, from now on I’m going to be reading the contracts you give me so nothing like this would happen again. We will play again tomorrow, Sam. I will give you the runs for your money next time, but code a game so we can play some paintball and Charlie can come in. It will be a free-for-all and the one who loses will be the Penis Bob.

*Next Time on The Adventures Of Bob*

You guys will fully be able to read more about Adventure Bob in the future. Please support like and leave comments on how you think about it! See you for now, Readers!