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Skip the Games Shakespeare

Did I offend you? I’m sorry, it’s probably fine.

By Nikki Sixxx (former call girl)Published 12 months ago Updated 11 months ago 7 min read
Suck it up Buttercup!
  1. Romeo, Romeo, where is my Romeo? Are you in my inbox? Or my recent call list? Maybe in my DM. Hey, maybe I have it all wrong; can I find you under my bed? Behind my shower curtain? Tucked down behind my car? I must find you; For who is Juliet without her beloved Romeo?
  2. Scccrrraattchhh!!!! Kill the music, everybody duck down, and please for the love of God somebody call 911! We have to let them know that if you feed these guys after midnight or add water, they multiply! All of a sudden it’s: 🎶one little, two little, three little perverts, four little, five little, six Little perverts, seven little, eight little, 9 little perverts, 10 little pervert men!! 🎶
  3. Ok. So today, like most days was nothing shy of a circus; an all around shit show. The start of my day was like most, shower, hair, makeup.. Get dressed up to get undressed…Deal with jealous, paranoid man in prison, while stressing about everything. What is it about this line of work that attracts very confident men then turns them into paranoid schizophrenic mental patients? I mean, Jimity fucking crickets, as if dealing with multiple personalities from various clients day to day isn’t bad enough, I’m privileged with multiple personalities from one seriously obsessed husband; there seems to never be a quiet, peaceful moment. After the morning “Man-tantrums”, In comes a vicious cycle of “Attention Deprived Insecurity Induced Drama”. I should just go ahead and have this shit medically and mentally classified as ADIID. I should probably call in Dr. Phil and have everyone begin calling me “Nikki Whoa” because testing my gangster this early in my day makes me want to say “‘Yo, catch me outside”!
  4. As I have stated before, Im a unicorn in a sea of horses. A constant fight for survival with only two directions to run; Work smarter not harder or be dumber and slumber. Methodical and strategical; tactical and practical. To succeed In a disaster induced atmosphere, one must be prepared to stay ten steps ahead of everyone in her path. This is an acquired skill, one that doesn’t come as standard issue on the various “treats” that are littered across the adult classifieds. Drive and determination in addition to goals and a desire to use this industry as a steppingstone for something better, fuels a money-hungry go-getter with the power to overcome any and all obstacles that may stand in her way to success. The secret, is learning to become a very talented actress with a slick tongue and quick wit. Just like a fighter, you find your opponents weakness and pounce on it. You must become a predator and stalk your prey. It’s a dog eat dog world, and I want to eat steak, not kibbles. This business can be extremely lucrative, but you must be willing to step inside the minds of the darkest, creepiest, sex craved maniacs. Beware, treacherous curves lie ahead….
  5. You know, most of these patrons, make this job feel like stealing candy from little babies. It’s wrong, and you know it’s wrong, but having it come so easy is part of the addiction. Ninety percent of these men have something weird about them that makes me feel like I came down with a deadly dose of Anal Glaucoma, (because I sure as hell can’t see my ass dealing with them today). But as the old saying goes, money talks, bullshit walks… So I put on my dummy armor and head for my future migraine.
  6. The phone starts to chirp and I embark on my adventure for the day. Will it be candy canes and gum drops or shit roasted wiener dogs? To no surprise, the first caller doesn’t disappoint. He is hopped up on Viagra and old school player confidence. “Rico suave” ends up being “Nico don’t come my way!” and pulls up in a 1995 Buick LeSabre equipped with a spiderwebbed front windshield and broken passenger door handle. As he smiles and shows his nicotine and coffee stained chompers, you get slapped in the face with his overindulgence of Aqua Velva and Stetson. He licks his thumbs and smooths his eyebrows, and steps out of his redneck Cadillac trailing yesterdays fast food wrappers across your driveway. The first thought that crosses your mind? “Hola señor no Habla Inglis” and run back inside to the comfort and safety of your humble abode. Ahhh, wishful thinking. Rent is due, car needs gas, husband needs bond money and the kids need EVERYTHING! It’s kind of like diving into a cold deep swimming pool; hold your nose and pray. Then once Chester-the-Molester’s inside, you feel scraped and burned, disgusting and returned. Ten minutes later, he is cursing at the LeSabre as he has to work to restart it. Then finally, to no avail, he backs out and into the street and relief washes over. Holy shit, I’m sure glad he’s gone! Now back inside to remove his awful stench from you and your surroundings.
  7. The day continues with text and phone calls that never cease to amuse me. Just when I think I’ve heard it all some idiot hits my line with something so entertaining, I must screenshot the interaction and share it with whoever will listen. I actually think some of the guys believe that if they try hard enough , they may win an escorts heart over, forever dipping and slipping in her income.
  8. I do want to make it clear, not all clients are bad clients. Occasionally one comes along that makes life a little easier; a normal guy. Maybe he’s married, or single, or just likes living alone, but unlike their counterparts, these guys, are much more rare than a unicorn in a sea of horses, they are more like finding an albino alligator in Alaska. If you happen to luck upon this very unusual oddity , then treat him like the valuable ornate being that he is and keep him coming back. These are the special ones I attempt to mold into what I like to call “Sugar Daddy Prospects”.
  9. Although these guys tend to be much more clingy and needy than the aforementioned, they provide a safety and comfort unlike anyone else. It’s amazing to have someone to call when things don’t go as planned. It’s like having a “on call boyfriend”. No drama, no headaches, or laundry scattered on the floor. He’s there for your convenience as you are for his. I always prioritize these relationships over my other clients because having someone to call if things get rough is extremely invaluable. They aren’t always generous enough to make them the solo-dolo, but it’s an amazing feeling to not have to sweat small shit and knowing you have a backup plan makes this whirlwind life a little more stable.
  10. This industry is extremely profitable and the fast, easy money can be an addiction worse than drugs. For me, it was a curse placed on me at a young age. I saw the glamor and glitz, then got completely lost in a pile of crumpled bills larger then I had ever seen. Very quickly I developed what I like to call “Princess Brat Syndrome” or “PBS”. It’s symptoms include, but are not limited to, snobbish-laughter, uncontrollable whining, spontaneous tantrums, extreme laziness , and a horrible case of “resting bitch face”. The ability to acquire and work a normal job is now out the window. Even when attempted, I am faced with the awful realization that the paycheck i worked so hard for all week could’ve been made in an hour being spoiled and pampered by one of the many suitors lined up to be center of my attention at that time. Fast forward, 20 years, and here I sit, alone in an expensive hotel room, waiting for my miracle. An intelligent mind vanishing into thin air, unable to see the catastrophe that lies ahead. At 41, I’m starting over. I’m in college, I am promoting myself and my brand all over social media and then chasing a dream I’ve had since adolescence. My days are hectic and extremely tight, but my desire to regain confidence in myself continues to be a driving force. I am determined to succeed in becoming a normal, law abiding citizen. Unfortunately though, in my world, you have to shovel a little shit to be able to ride the horse. So, it’s onto the next, I hope for the best, and pray some idiot doesn’t put my patience to the test.

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About the Creator

Nikki Sixxx (former call girl)

Tales of a Carolina Call Girl Welcome to my tell all! Where I uncover the private, raunchy and ultimately ridiculous things that men say when they think with the head down below instead of the head above.

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  • Nikki Sixxx (former call girl) (Author)12 months ago

    Please share your comments thoughts and insights so that I can improve on my creative journey

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