Role Play

For those of you who have actually completed a Role Play scenario in the bedroom, I salute you.

I have bought 21 outfits between the ages of 18 and 26. I have worn those outfits a grand total of 15 minutes.

Men of the universe, I need you to know something and this little bit of information will be useful to you. If your partner takes the time to dress up for you, whatever time you think is reasonable to ‘play’ with them in it - double it.

I will give you some examples of what has happened to me while I attempted to be sexy for my partners.

Example One:

When I was 18, a guy I was dating gave me a gift card for Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie store. So, I went in and bought a red and black brocade corset. I wore a black button down blouse and my tightest jeans and red high heels. His parents left town for a weekend and I went over one night. I made dinner and afterwards I sat him down on the couch and I popped open my shirt.

The whole event that followed took 4.5 minutes.

And he ruined the corset. I won’t get into how but I think you can guess.

Example Two:

I was 22 years old and I was out costume shopping with my Ex for a Halloween party. I came out in a Morticia Addams dress and my Ex begged me to buy the dress. He has a major hard-on for witches and Morticia Addams.

We got back to his place and I put on the dress. I also managed to perfect cat eye makeup and put on blood red lipstick. I slipped on my black high heels and walked into the bedroom. He threw me on the bed (Kinda Sexy) but when he tried to crawl on top of me, he tried to drag me higher on the bed. He had his hand on my hair and I yelped in pain. He took his hand away but it made my head snap forward and my forehead bounced off his nose.

That whole act took 2 minutes.

My Ex was laying back with a tissue shoved up his nose and I was trying to wash blood off my chest.

Example Three:

I packed a Naughty School Girl outfit.

My partner took one look at me in it.

Then proceeded to rip it off my body.

Example Four:

My partner opened the door to our hotel room as working late when we were out of town, I was laying in bed wearing a sexy navy blue nightie with lace and matching garter belt.

It was, once again, ripped from my body in under a minute.

Do you have any idea how long it takes women just to pick out lingerie???

I spent two hours locked in dressing rooms in four different stores and I tried on everything that I thought my partner would love. Do you have any idea how hard it is to carefully try on multiple outfits that are primarily made of lace? Especially when every company makes different sizes for each outfit.

When I would get dressed, I would put on makeup and finish that off with special setting spray. I’d make sure I wore shoes to match the outfit. I use a lot of product in my hair to make sure it looks perfect.

It takes me at least an hour to get ready for each instance of Role Play.

My current partner asked me to try to Role Play with him. I asked what he wanted to try.

“What do you wanna try hun? Witch? Nurse? Saloon Girl and Cowboy?” I was excited just to get use out of those damn outfits.

“I don’t know.” He said slowly.

“Well, what would you like?” I asked.

“I honestly have no clue.” He just shrugged.

“You brought this up.”

“I know.”

See boys? That conversation was not okay. If you bring something up like Role Play, have at least an idea of a genre you’d like to explore at least. Don’t just bring it up and expect your partner to come up with everything.

If you want fun sexy time, think of The Office Series Finale so you can last longer. Your partner will thank you.