Not-so-good Friday

Nearly a decade ago, I went through a divorce and started dating for the first time as an adult. When friends suggested I write about my experiences, I started a blog. I have been "revisiting" some of my former exploits lately, and decided to share, using my real name, for the first time.

This piece was first published in March, 2013. Edits have been made for clarity and continuity.

I just found out that I am allergic to latex. This sucks for someone who is sexually active with multiple, non-exclusive partners. Also, my hooter currently burns like the unholy fires of hell. (Yes, I am singing "Burning Ring of Fire" while sitting on ice cubes as I write this.)

If you are currently yelling “TMI!” then check yourself – did you read about the hot sex with Soup Can Man? This blog is intended to cover the good, bad & funny in my dating & sex life and boy-howdy this is certainly an issue!

So I just spent about $48 on 42 non-latex condoms. At a buck a fuck – we are NOT having any “ooops, I didn’t get it on right, can I have another one?” issues. Seriously. I’ll put that fucker on for you and you will keep wood in order to use it properly! Damn!

I always say that women need to bring their own condoms and take care of their own sexual health, but I didn’t expect that I would have to use a special product and that I would always have to provide my own.

I’m waiting for a partner to make an assumption that because I have no uterus and I am allergic to latex that I will be a willing bareback option. Uh, no says that gal that’s also waiting on the gonorrhea & chlamydia results. No. Not unless I’m in an exclusive or restricted relationship and Lord knows, I don’t want that right now. Or maybe ever.

So I am learning about Polyisoprene and Polyurethane and bought four different kinds and brands of latex-free condoms to try and see what I like best. I’ve tried LifeStyles SKYN brand large Polyisoprene before and thought that they were very similar to latex alternatives. Perhaps a bit “stiffer” if anything, but in fact very thin and manageable.

Right now I’m pretty uncomfortable and feel like I’m having an allergy attack – my ears, face & throat itch too. It will be interesting thinking about what latex products I need to get rid of as well – I have already thrown away my big, purple vibrator. It was the only toy that I had that had latex in it and yes, I used it on Saturday after KC Krish left. I also wonder if I need to get a medic-alert bracelet. Lots of medical facilities are latex-free now, but you never know. I’m all about the safety!

So this is bad news overall, but it’s good to know that it’s likely not an STD. I also have no bacteria, yeast or herpes. Yay!

Weird side-note? I feel really sort of ashamed and somewhat dirty talking about this. I’m being RESPONSIBLE by having myself checked for STIs & STDs but somehow it’s more acceptable to talk about masturbating or swallowing someone’s load than about having a burning crotch or being tested. Is it just me? Am I the only one feeling that stigma? Is it all in my head?

Oh well, it’s Good Friday. I guess we all need a little stigma-ta.

April 2, 2013 UPDATE: No STIs/STDs. Clean as a whistle but no more latex for me! This was by far the worst & longest “attack” that I have ever had and they get worse every time! I think that the last three “yeast infections” that I thought that I had were related to latex exposure. Boy oh boy!