Mixed Signals and Missed Connections

Nearly a decade ago, I went through a divorce and started dating for the first time as an adult. When friends suggested I write about my experiences, I started a blog. I have been "revisiting" some of my former exploits lately, and decided to share, using my real name, for the first time.

This piece was first published in March, 2013. Edits have been made for clarity and continuity.

I only have time for a quickie!

I know, we’ve all heard that one, right? Now I’m going to do it to you too! I don’t have time for a huge update and frankly, I don’t know quite where to go with this one. I could transition into a “friend zone” post that would cover the guy that I saw last night and a few others. Or I could transition to a “Lie to Me” post and talk about getting canceled, stood up and blown off – like the guy (let's call him Cyber Stud,) that sent me a text last night (while I was at The Librarian's house,) canceling for Thursday. When I asked him how the rest of the weekend looked I got the “I’m gonna be real busy” response. Hmmmm…

Yet another option for where to go next is my promised topic about online spank-buddies. The internet and video-chatting has made it possible for voyeurs and exhibitionists to find a somewhat legitimate outlet for their personal proclivities – without risking arrest or even having to leave the house! I am starting to think that even though he’s really sweet and likes to talk quite a bit, that Cyber Stud may be one of those guys. Again, this is a whole other blog topic, but suffice to say: I’ve seen it and I want it. I’m also pretty keen on about 75% of the rest of the package too. Some shit that comes out of his mouth gives me pause on occasion, but he’s cute as hell and young and…energetic…and tattooed…yum! But I’m getting that vibe that you get when you are being blown off nicely – like lots of really polite and legitimate-sounding cancellations or delays. The kind that you are willing to forgive or understand (hey, I’m a reasonable person, right?) And the kind that will keep you talking…yeah. I’m thinking that maybe he just wants to “talk” – which may lead to me having to decide if I’m okay with that or not.

Meanwhile, last night was terrific fun – as it nearly always is with The Librarian. As I tried to explain, we’re pretty firmly in the friend zone, but not all the way. I believe this to be true because, for instance, we’re not at the point as friends where we discuss other people that we date or where friendly flirting doesn’t have an edge of discomfort. I mean, I make flirty or dirty little comments with my friends all the time just as a matter of course. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, I’m likely to make a risqué comment at some point. With him…it feels…slightly dangerous. Not the good kind of dangerous that could get me face-down and furiously fucked on the sofa. The bad kind of dangerous that could lead to an awkward conversation about feelings and attraction and damage our burgeoning friendship.

I really like the friendship. I am willing to put up with the interesting little quirks and oddities just because the companionship, conversation and common interest is so phenomenally excellent. For the most part, things flow naturally and in a friendly way – and then every once in awhile he’ll make a comment or something and I think “um, are we dating here or hanging out as pals?” Also, he’s really fucking cute and I sometimes just want to touch him. While I generally don’t spend my time pining for him, I did have a brief moment yesterday where my heart leaped and my panties dampened. I picked him up after work (he takes the bus downtown) and as he rounded the corner of his building wearing sunglasses and a big smile just for me…ugh. I may have drooled. Then we hung out for eight very fun but completely sexless hours.

When we parted ways – two hours later than the agreed “late limit” on the evening – he walked me to my car as he always, always does and we had a chaste hug. We also discussed getting together again on the weekend or next week. It’s almost like we’re seeing each other… At one point yesterday when we were hanging out something embarrassing happened and he said “oh wow, yeah, that’s really the way to sweep a woman off her feet…” um, are we dating again? Someone clue me in. Meanwhile, while I may find all of this perplexing, I am doing pretty well at not internalizing it, obsessing over it or letting it drive me crazy. I’m really enjoying this person for who he is and trying to figure out who we are or will be. We have so much fun together that I can overlook some of the frustrating habits, odd behaviors, mixed signals (or complete lack of signals,) and the worst one: not getting laid. While a number of friends have told me to drop him, I won’t. I like him. I can always get dick elsewhere. A good mind and a good friend is too precious to waste.

Oh, hey – I guess that wasn’t really a quickie, was it? Just goes to show that a man’s idea of a quickie differs greatly from a woman’s! 😉