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Lego Sex

LEGO sex can be fun and educational.

By Frank WhitePublished 8 years ago 5 min read

Everything is awesome when it comes to LEGO, even sex. LEGO's immense popularity is demonstrated by its wide usage and representation in diverse formats and cultural works. From movies to TV to sexuality, LEGO has become more than a toy. It is a symbol of change for a generation looking to define itself sexually. LEGO pieces of millions of varieties constitute a defining universal system of acceptance. More than just a metaphor for sex, LEGO is taking its place in pop culture history and the ongoing sexual revolution. Despite the numerous variations in design and purposes of individual pieces, just like human sexuality, each piece remains compatible in some way with the existing pieces.

LEGO as a Sex Metaphor

Photo via flickr

Sex is sort of like like LEGOs. On the cover of the box it looks awesome, a glossy picture of a finished product. Inside the box is a lot of work. In the case of LEGOs, a child follows the directions to build the object of desire seen on the cover of the box. The amazing thing about LEGO, much like sex, is that so much of the pleasure is in following the directions and taking the time to build. And when all is said and done, when the LEGO model stands tall, children will often tear it down and look to build another model with their imagination. Society projects the picture on the box. The media amplifies it. Our culture boxes up sex in a particular way from billboards to 5" screens. But as individuals, with unique personalities, body types, and desires, we are often disappointed by all the work we find in the box.

Good sex, like a good LEGO model, takes time, a bit of creativity, and focus. So does good sex, literally. Even then, there is no guarantee. Children go through a lot of LEGO models. It isn’t uncommon to see them mix and match models, from time to time. With age comes ability and more pieces in a box. LEGO tries to imitate what we see on movies and TV. We do the same with sex, or wish we could. In either case, imagination and creativity are what make each experience unique. The joy of LEGO and sex is found in the building.

Educational Tools

Photo via BuzzFeed

In the age of all things digital, perhaps it is time to reconsider the often-rumored LEGO sex education kit. The kit could include LEGO figures assembled “pre-posed” to simulate different sexual positions. Including homosexuals, heterosexuals, and non-gender binary choices, this LEGO set would be awesome. A spokesman for LEGO explained “There are more than 900 million ways to combine six eight-stud LEGO bricks.” Every possible sexual situation imaginable can be designed, from group sex to acrobatics. For those future veterinarians, there could be a barnyard sex education set. For religious educators, there would be a clergy set, both Jewish and Catholic. Naysayers will claim that the sex educational kits will debase family values, demean women, and even promote perversion. Supporters will say so does the internet. It's time society realized that years of allowing little kids to roll Play-Doh penises and wave them at each other has done real damage. LEGO is the only logical alternatives to the Play-Doh boobs that often become the stereotypical pair youngsters expect to see as they grow up. LEGO has always been about improving minds and morals.

From Andy Warhol's experimental films to underground LEGO porn films, short form media has been the darling of creatives since the invention of moving pictures. Fetish films are no exception to the rule. Fifty Shades of Grey may have inspired designer sex toys but the LEGO-inspired satire by YouTuber creative Antonio Toscano is pop culture art. In the tradition of eroticist Adrian Lyne, Toscano creates a unique sexual visual through the magic of vintage stop motion techniques. It is a frame for frame match to the fetish favorite Fifty Shades of Grey trailer starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. With matching outfits painted on the LEGO figures, Anastasia Steele's cleavage and Grey’s ripped six pack are perfect accents to the sexually fused LEGO short.

Legal Trouble over LEGOs

Photo via flickr

The little kid inside all of us can get us fired from our jobs. Especially if you post videos featuring sexually explicit LEGO characters in place of your co-workers. Everything is not awesome when the judge rules you are not entitled to unemployment benefits. Shawn Roy was a nursing home food service employee and was initially denied unemployment benefits due to being dismissed for cause. His LEGO reenactment involved the director of the nursing home, two female coworkers, and the head of his claimant's department. Roy is a lifelong fan of LEGO and self proclaimed LEGO videographer. He claimed it was a fictional depiction of celebrities as LEGO characters. The courts didn’t buy it and ordered Roy to take down nearly 50 videos. At an appeal on First Amendment grounds, Roy claimed, "a viewer cannot selectively view only certain portions of the videos and understand what I was attempting to create. It is far-fetched fiction at its very best." Sexual censorship in the art world has been a fiercely debated topic, from gallery owners in Soho to LEGO Land.

LEGO and Social Media

Poor Rob Mills. He never thought his LEGO sports tweet could get him in so much hot water. It isn’t as if he was making an anti gay political statement. Mill posted a photo of two lego figures, one with a Hawks jersey and the other with a Swans jersey. The Swans player was bent over, taking it from behind, where the Hawks player was strategically placed. As Mills said, “The Hawks did fuck the Swans at Saturday’s AFL Grand Final and that’s what the figurines represented, not an entrenched manifesto on gay-straight relations.” Rob Mills (Millsy) is a an Australian Idol alumnus. Fans came out in support of Millsy, some tweeted “I’m for one glad he did tweet the pic, as it was the only way I could work out who had won the game.” Millsy apologized, saying he never meant to make any statements on homosexuality and just wanted to be left alone to play with his LEGOs.

Rule 36 of the internet states “if it exists, someone has sexualized it or has a fetish for it.” LEGO is no exception. LEGO believes all of us have the right to fun, creative, and engaging play experiences. Play is essential because when we play, we learn. Learn to be acceptant and receptive to new ideas. As a provider of play experiences, LEGO attempts to ensure that its products reflect behaviors and actions that are responsible towards all peoples of different race, religion, and, of course, sex.

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About the Creator

Frank White

New Yorker in his forties. His counsel is sought by many, offered to few. Traveled the world in search of answers, but found more questions.

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