So what does that mean? As my readers know, my goal in writing is to bring awareness to the vast array of different lifestyles I and people in general are involved in. This article will specifically look at what it means to “submit” to a Dominant-type person in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship in the BDSM community.
As you know, I am a submissive — hence the title of many of my articles, SubSays — and with this knowledge I can confidently say that every single relationship that I have ever come across has had a different understanding of what it really means to submit to someone else. In my relationship, for example, with my Sir currently, I wear His collar and have submitted to being His. I’ll take a look at the different roles that one can have in the lifestyle, as well as what it truly feels like to submit to a dominant, just keep reading!
First off, to play in this BDSM lifestyle in general, there has to be someone ‘topping’ (taking the Dominant role and leading the scene), and someone ‘bottoming’ (submitting to the scene as outlined by the topper). In this sense, submitting comes automatically after the scene is discussed and the roles are defined. This would be the lowest level of submission, since it could even be a one-time scene and no collars or marks of ownership have been brought forward.
For another example of the lowest-level of submission, pet play could be looked at. If there was a submissive-type person playing as a pet (cat, dog, fox or other), and they had a handler (usually a top or D-type that is able to control and handle the pet scene), the pet would still have to submit in some way to the scene or the direction of the discussed play. If the pet was the property of their Owner, it would be a similar situation to the submissive being collared. This can also be seen in Daddy/little relationships, where the Daddy would be the D-type and the little would be the s-type. The fact of the matter is, if there’s play or a scene involved with any D/s relationship, the submissive has to submit not only to the scene, but to the D-type, even for a short period of time.
In a more intense view, there are Dominants who “own” their submissives. This typically is accompanied by wearing Their collar, as you would put a collar on a pet to mark ownership. There are play collars, posture collars and everyday collars that Dominants can get their submissives to wear to ‘mark their territory’ in a sense. If my Dominant and I were at a play party or a kink event, other kinksters would typically have to ask my Dominant permission to speak to me or acknowledge my presence. Contrary to what people may think, this is actually an amazing feeling for most submissives.
In the most extreme sense, a submissive can be 'branded' by their Dominant or Master. This is basically like taking collaring one step further and actually etching something into their skin that marks the Dominant's territory. the only way i've ever seen this is by the submissive receiving a tattoo, but i'm positive there are many more ways that it can happen.
And finally, what does it feel like to submit to a Dominant?
Absolutely wonderful. It is a wonderful feeling to be owned and collared, since you know that your Dominant wanted you above others to keep, protect, love, and care for. I return that by submitting all of myself to Him, my thoughts, desires, behavior, time, and effort. For an example, I typically like to sit at my Sir’s feet when there is company over, so not only does He know where I am, but others can see that I am His. I absolutely enjoy doing things to please my Sir, like going to get Him another drink, or running an errand for Him, or playing with what He’d like. There is NO abuse in a proper submission — both parties have willingly consented to be owned and to own.
Every submissive that I've met has submitted to their partner(s) in a completely different way, since every relationship dynamic is so vastly different. As for me, I love serving my Sir, and being collared by Him.
As my final awareness piece to close off this article: if you happen to see someone in a collar such as the one in the photo above, you now know what that means!
Lydia Catherine xx