How and Why to Hook Up With Strippers

I am in possession of some valuable knowledge for a single young man and feel that it would be a shame to not pass this information onto a younger generation. This is the J.D. Bradley method of picking up strippers. Feel free to have your own adaptations.

By my best estimates, I have slept with around sixty strippers over the years, some once, some frequently, and some for long term (sexual) relationships and I’ve had a couple of serious girlfriends who were strippers. Lesson number one, at least in Corpus Christ, Texas, and probably everywhere: They prefer to be called “dancers”. I started out as a regular shmuck like everybody else until I slowly decoded the culture. First and foremost, you must remember that their main job is to separate you from your money by enticing you with the (extremely low) possibility that they will have sex with you. Never forget that upon initial introduction.

If you want to hook up with strippers, become a regular at topless bars. Pick out three or so that you like, and frequent them. Become part of the scene. By the way, they will frequently change bars so you will see them working in different bars at different times. Tip the bartender well. Tip the cocktail waitresses well. Make friends with the staff. Tip the DJ for special requests every now and then. Help break up fights. You want to be part of the scene. Be a cool person that people are happy to see. It’s a really good feeling to have the DJ announce your arrival over the speakers, plus it impresses the new girls and makes them wonder what it is about you that people like.

They will naturally approach you. That’s their job. You are initially simply a target in their eyes and that’s okay. That is their job. She will make small talk with you and eventually ask you to buy her a drink. Explain to her that you will gladly get her a mixed drink, but you do not buy “ladies’ drinks” which are generally around $20 and don’t have alcohol in them. (Hell, I’ll buy anybody drinks in any bar if I enjoy their company) She and the bar split the money. That is for suckers. If she politely excuses herself, that is a good thing. You know the deal with her. She is 100% there for money and you were simply a target. If she genuinely likes you (and if you are a known, cool regular she very may well), she’ll agree to that and catch a buzz with you. Guys who are stupid enough to buy ladies’ drinks are simply ATMs in the girls’ eyes, and rightfully so. Every now and then, but not often, you can pick one up from that initial encounter and go nail her, but more often than not, it’s a mating ritual just like others but with twists. If she has a few drinks with you and spots a known sucker coming in the door, totally let that slide. She knows you are cool, and he is a sucker. Oh, and don’t get table dances unless it’s a special occasion.

The first stripper that takes you home, give her your 100% A-game. I mean, just put it to her. Blow her mind, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because she’ll tell her co-workers who will want to sample your goods. Word spreads. Never get attached unless you’ve known her a long while and she earned it. You get an idea of the metrics of emotion that are appropriate. Do not ever be stupid and get jealous because she’s talking to other guys. That is her job. I’ve seen some morons really mess up with that one. Don’t even get upset if she is sleeping with other guys. You are (or should be) sleeping with other women.

Speaking of other guys, most of the crowd at “men’s clubs” are pathetic, can’t get laid dudes. They get hustled, lose their paycheck, get thrown out, make asses of themselves, etc. That is a good thing. They keep the bars open for cool guys like us. Let them get played. Sometimes they will realize that you are getting laid and they are not and get an attitude. Let it slide as much as you can. Don’t be kicking their ass unless you absolutely need to. We (the bar owners, the managers, the staff, the girls, and the guys that actually get laid out of topless bars) need them. They are the bread for our sandwich. Without them, there is no sandwich.

Realize that a significant amount of them have drug habits. I did not mind that, as I had drug habits, also. Pay attention to how much control the drugs have over her life. If it’s casual, not problem of course. Drugs should be legal anyway. Clearly, if she has a problem, avoid her because she will primarily be a problem for you. Of course, do not alienate anyone if you do not have to. A woman with a crack habit can only love crack. Everyone in her life is simply a tool to acquire more crack. I don’t care how enticing she may be, keep your distance from crackheads.

There are as many different types of strippers as there are women. Some are psychological sharks. Some are legitimately working their way through college (rare, but it happens). Some are using the only asset that they have to support their children. Some are genuinely good people. Lots of them have worthless boyfriends that their booty shaking supports. I never understood that, but whatever. Be as nice to them as their behavior dictates. Be as ruthless and ice cold as her behavior dictates with the caveat to avoid that as much as possible. Be realistic about behaviors and motives. Reap the rewards they have to offer.

So far, this essay has been the how. Now, the why. The obvious answer is sex. Another obvious point is that they are generally very attractive or they wouldn’t have the job. Another very important consideration is that they are generally very skilled sexually. It will almost always be an incredible experience. Better yet, by my best estimates, 80% of them are bi-sexual. I’m sure the potential benefits to that fact do not elude you. They are generally very adventurous and sexually adventurous is again, obviously a good thing. I never cared who else they saw because I was also seeing several other women and they were generally the same way, with a couple of glaring exceptions that I’m not interested into going into detail.

Congratulations, you are now more knowledgeable about topless bars and strippers than the vast majority of the human population. Now get out there are get known. Reap the rewards. Feel free to report back.