Flirtationship

Can men and women actually be friends without someone eventually catching feeling? Seriously though? Does it ever work out that way? In my opinion, I don’t think that’s possible but of course it all depends on the people involved, just never forget that we are all human (well, I have met some aliens in my day), but we are all mostly human. Humans tend to want more at some point either initially or down the line, but someone, either the man or woman, ends up wanting more out of that relationship. Think about it, you become so close with these “friends with benefits” and you end up getting sucked in somehow. Especially if there is great sexual energy!! Usually it starts out by getting to know them, what they like, what they don’t like, what turns them on/off, etc. These humans start to grow on you...You become comfortable with each other. You make each other laugh/cry/scream, whatever it is, but if they become true friends (ride or die shit), then they begin to accept you for who you are, your choices, your craziness, your flaws and downfalls, and they stick around longer than anticipated. There are many pros and cons to these types of friendships. Do you see how men and women really can’t just be “friends."

What is it about a person that makes you fall for them? For me, it's definitely their personality, the way they make me feel (yes sexually and emotionally). I love laughing and having a person with a great sense of humor is a must for me. My sense of humor is pretty abnormal, so finding someone that can laugh at the drama is quite impressive. This is non-negotiable in my eyes. If you can’t laugh about your life, you are extremely doomed in my eyes. But what happens if the person that is making you laugh so hard is the same person that is making you cry? Isn’t that what a relationship is really about...

After becoming friends with a person I am having sex with, and I mean true friends, what makes that relationship go to the next level? If you are actually friends with this person, then you know the good and bad about them. They know the good and bad about you and they continue to love who you are. This is the scariest thing that can happen. Great thing no? How does a relationship work when we each actually really know almost everything about each other and still make it work? Does the good side ever outweigh the bad in some way? You never actually forget the bad things you just start pushing them aside and hope that you would never have to endure that pain...ever!

Well, I recently realized that I have two men in my life that I’m infatuated with: 1) one is the replication of the devil; and 2) the other an angel with his wings flapping in my face. I feel like the universe is testing me to see which side I choose. Unfortunately, life isn’t that easy. And there is no actual choice to be made. Regrettably, I don’t just default to the angel because as you can see, I’m no angel. Let me paint this image for you...

The angel is younger, latin, married with kids and a true friend that has saved me a few times. Although we have never been sexual, we have admittingly fantasized about it a few times. He’s very easy to talk to and understands me and my behaviors (although he doesn’t agree with my sexual tendencies). He’s always trying to make me see the light down every tunnel. His words of motivation drive me. His real energy always gets me making good choices. Be a better me. This man’s energy illuminates positivity, like a bright yellow aura. If you don’t understand that shit, bright yellow is known to mean the type of energy that brings warmth and ideas, which is exactly what this man does for me. He has wisdom (even though he’s a bit younger), but that’s only because his upbringing wasn’t as “normal” as other kids (neither was mine). He knows where he’s going in life and works very hard everyday to get where he's trying to go. He provides great advice and is compassionate and caring. He knows how to laugh and cry. He has great insight of the world and people we encounter. The best part is that he understands me (not necessarily agree with me, but understands me), and he always tries to shed light to steer me away from evil (which never actually works). He’s literally my shining light of hope in the world and provides aspiration to everyone around and willing to listen. Hope in the meaning that I will have someone one day that can truly accept who I really am, love me for who I am and understands and accepts the way I move...

The other man, older, hotter and single whom I fuck regularly. He has a red aura, which isn’t a terrible thing once you read between the lines. A red aura is one of the most powerful colors found in the energy world and those with a red aura are known to be passionate, strong and reactive to their environment (which he completely fits the description). It can be a positive or a negative element (I guess this depends on the person as well). Red represents blood and life force. It's a vibration of action with the ability to either attract or repel (I admit, I'm completely attracted). I can honestly say that I’m a little obsessed with this one. I know it's not love but more like an infatuation. But god damnnnnnnnnnn he is an amazing creature (alien!) in bed. I continue to analyze what we have going on and what this is supposed to be and I have come to the determination that I’m addicted. Not a problem right? Well I treat this like any addiction…. Hard to break any addiction. I should know, I have many addictions to break. But what I have learned is that I get addicted to a certain type of fucking and personality. The person who can make my insides hurt (literally). The person I actually enjoy kissing while fucking. The person I want to dig my nails through his skin. The person I love licking up and down and occasionally biting everywhere. The person I can get hard by just kissing the tip of his dick (and make cum SEVERAL times a day), ok you get the point haha. The person I enjoy every inch of inside me, ok now I’m really done. But, there is always a “but” having that every so often (once a week, sometimes three), you begin to compare sexual experiences and that makes life a touch HARDER. Literally.

So realistically, I don’t have two options. One is single. One is married. The married one is off limits, but I aspire to find someone like him, one day. But for now, I think the true test is surviving. Surviving the sexapades, the pain, the pleasure, the emotions, the heartache, the worry, the infatuation, and ultimately the addiction.

Which brings me to my final two questions. Is it wrong to love these men in their own ways. Is it wrong to infatuate about a married man and actually be fucking the devil? Both with strong ambitions, but one being just like me devilish to the max and the other kind of a prude. Being a devil myself, I know I’m hard to please, I’m somewhat crazy, I test my limits (most of the time) and having the man version of me in my bed is the scariest thing I have ever encountered. We play checkers not chess bitches...