Five Ways to Discover Your Sexual Prescription
Spoiler alert: You have to diagnose it yourself
Everyone needs something unique to reach sexual satisfaction. Finding sexual relief in a one-night stand may feel good in the moment but, it is a fleeting euphoria. We all seek a more permanent source for sexual satisfaction, in relationships, transactional relationships or friends with benefits. Which brings me to my main point that there is something more to sex than just the physical exchange of sexual fluids. Physical orgasms are simply not enough.
What is sex outside the obvious means to reproduce? We all need a unique list of check marks to find a reliable, long term, means of sexually satisfying ourselves. We need a prescription. A prescription that is not readily available from our GP but something we discover and eventually prescribe ourselves.
Sexuality and Fetish
Regardless of your sexual orientation, your sexuality is something you journey inwards and outwards to uncover. And, that journey can be a very long and hard one.
The culture you grew up in may not be understanding of the fetishes that you yearn for. Many cultures might claim to be the antithesis to everything you secretly crave for. For example, many of us have a foot fetish or enjoy watching our partners receive pleasure from strangers. And many societies and individuals will find a problem with said fetishes.
However, as long as the sexual "contract" as it were, is conducted between two or more consenting adults then it should not be a problem. We all dance to a different rhythm, but the responsibility is on you to find your rhythm.
1. Ask Yourself
If you are reading this, you are probably contemplating your sexuality at some level. Maybe you had a weird experience and you were not sure how to feel about it - someone "not your type" made an advance on you, or the time you clicked through the internet until you found something weirdly hot. Sexuality is complex, and your emotional response to any kind of event can take time to unpack and understand.
You need to be straightforward and ask yourself what is it that you like and do not like. Allow your thoughts to take you to where they need to go. This is a mental exercise that you will become better at, the more you practice. You need to understand what your body wants in order decipher the vague messages in your mind.
2. Research Without Inhibition
Other than me, which you are more than welcome to ping me for wisdom, Google, PornHub and GodofPorn are your best friends.
The world wide web has an abundance of just about anything that you can think of. You can use (Cntrl - shift - n) to open your incognito browser to search slightly more discreet. Be aware, that your internet provider can still see where you're going. Take the shame, ridicule, and all other negative inhibitions, and put them on the side for about 15 minutes. Direct yourself to a pornographic platform you like. Then, read, watch, digest and observe your body for a response whilst you continue to fulfill the requests of your fantasies.
You may find arousal from drawings and illustrations like hentai, you may rather watch a real-life harem of women pleasuring just one woman. Seek everything that intrigues and catches the attention of your mind. Diving headfirst into the ocean that is the internet will be necessary for understanding what it is you want in a sexual experience. Once upon a time, people weren't as lucky as we are. Take advantage of this resource.
3. Experiment with Real People
This becomes more physical and something that requires commitment. You must experiment.
Considering you have already pleasured yourself after the second step, you need to find the real thing. Maybe, you have always been curious about having sex with someone of the same sex, or someone who is intersex. Go and seek these individuals, you may use Tinder, Grinder, Hinge and many other dating applications that will bring you closer to the kind of sexual encounter you desire.
For now, don't be fooled into believing that someone who fits your physical criteria will be someone who can satisfy you sexually. Vetting is therefore less about finding a supermodel. Instead, make sure that whoever you are going to share this experience with someone you feel comfortable with and can trust. You're going into foreign territory. You have to feel safe.
4. Boundaries and Confidence
You must set boundaries, the person, or people you're going to loop into your experience must be made aware of your intentions. That it is a personal, sexual liberation and not a commitment of any kind. You cannot lead people on, you must enlighten your potential partners-in-sex that this is something personal to you and you can expect that some may decline.
I advise moving your new experiment to another area or community For the purpose of distinguishing what you know from what you do not know. Again, we're not catering to shame or fear here. You never know what kind of kink or fetish you will (or will not) pick up. You want to be in a place where you can feel free to act and move without judgement and observation. You have to be confident that you are pursuing these circumstances not because you are hiding, but because you want the ultimate space to discover yourself. And "space" doesn't have to be physical. You don't need a sex-dungeon in the woods: some peace of mind will be enough.
5. Ask your Partner
This rule applies more to those of you who are in relationships. The kind of relationship you have will largely define the kind of sexual experiences you're going to have.
I have found that in a traditional relationship it is easier to find out what you like because of the comfort you share with your partner. However, some fetishes and kinks are actually harder to discover and experiment with in certain relationships. For example, "taboo" kinks like small penis humiliation or cuckolding/queaning are not always well received and may be difficult for your partner to hear, let alone test out. Remember the trick from step two about putting shame on the side for a moment. Take a deep breath, speak your truth, and don't forget to give your partner the floor, too. What are they into that you don't know about?
Often, it is not just about taboo fetishes and desires. Some of us simply desire more sexual experiences and variations. Many people find more fulfillment in relationships that are polyamorous, and if you may be one of them, then that is something that you should find out for yourself before you unintentionally hurt someone in the future.
If you believe that you do not fit within a monogamous lifestyle then you should speak to your partner about trying an open relationship or find someone who can give you that level of satisfaction and freedom. This might not be an easy conversation. Still, you owe it to yourself to realize your sexuality. Dissatisfaction is a much heavier price to pay.
Final Thoughts
There is no greater sensation of liberation than discovering what it is that will make you squirt in seconds. Whatever you deny yourself will only come back to haunt you and those around you. It is my greatest recommendation that you embark on the journey that will always bring you to the finish line.
It will take time, it will take tears, it will take sweat and you may see blood. That's okay. You might feel shame, at some points you may find yourself hesitating. But in the end, you will know exactly what it is that makes you tick, smile and scream. After all, an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
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