Fellas, If Bitten By a Banana Spider, You Better Have All the Sex You Can!

I just found out some weird true fact about a spider bite. Well, this one is about the Brazilian Wandering Spider or the Banana Spider. There are many types of them, but one, in particular, causes a peculiar reaction once it delivers its bite. Apparently, it can be a venomous spider, depending on the dosage it delivers. The poison at deadly concentrations causes loss of muscle control and breathing problems, resulting in paralysis and, eventually, asphyxiation.

That sounds terrible! Being poisoned has to be one of the most horrible deaths ever! Obviously, the potency of the poison has to do a lot with the pain involved while dying, but death by any poison would royally suck! This one, in particular, the poison from a banana spider, can involve loss of muscle control and then breathing problems. Basically, your lungs shut down and you eventually die from asphyxiation.

However, if you survive, it is also known to cause priapism to men. That means that it makes a man get a painful erection for several hours. The bad side to this is that after the priapism experience the poison can lead to impotence. Wow, that is the apex of sucks! Can you imagine, you survive the poison, but you end up with impotence. I mean, that is better than dying, but dudes that fall victim to the banana spider have a good chance of never having sex again!

In saying this, if any guy out there gets bit by a banana spider and survive the initial blow, you better have all the sex you can because it will be the last chance you get! It does lead to a painful erection, but at least give it all you got while it is good to go! Once that erection is gone, your sex life is gone as well. Say bye-bye to all the action and get ready for a life without sex.

The shitty side to this advice is that banana spiders exist in the jungle and victims that get bit by this devastating insect will not have a good chance to fulfill their sexual desires. I mean, who is going to be down to have sex with a person who is dying and has a rock hard painful erection? I guess a true friend, whether female or male, would help their dying friend with a favor, but that is another argument.

If a dude is going to get bit by a banana spider, it would be good that it happened in the city, especially a big city. This way, the boyfriend or girlfriend can act as good samaritans, right? That is, and of course, if the guy survives the poison and goes into the stage of priapism. This is when the victim needs more luck in the sense that someone will be willing to have sex with him.

The other lucky situation, if bitten by a banana spider and surviving the poison, is to be in an area where one could easily get a prostitute. Of course, money is a huge factor at this stage, but, under the circumstances of seriously losing the ability of having sex after your penis goes soft, a prostitute would be good to have around if a banana spider strikes a man.

So, bitten by a banana spider equals never having sex again, if you are a dude and survive the poison. In case you do get bit by one of these eight-legged insects and survive the poison, have all the sex that you can when you go through priapism. I’m sure it will be painful, but sex is sex. Remember to also be ready for such a thing if you go to Brazil. Always be around people your attracted to or make sure you are in a sketchy part of town in case you have to stoop low and get a hooker. Hey, sex is sex, and it is worth it when you know it is going to be the last time having sex. So, screw you banana spider!

I hope you enjoyed this silly advice! This blog is one big joke and written to make you, the reader, giggle. So, have a good day, but always beware of banana spiders!