Fallen Deep

I wanted to think that maybe that night didn’t change anything between Gun and I, but I’d be lying. Little by little we saw each other more, he said it’s best for me to focus on school and how my life was before sex so I’ve been drowning myself in work and school not that I didn’t have fun at work, he made working fun and easy, Jerry caught onto our touchy-feely actions early on, but didn’t say anything with Mo around knowing how he was. We had a long talk about the whole situation and I agreed if Bash hadn’t taken advantage of the fact that I lived by a promise, I know I was just as much in the wrong, but then again he lied about breaking-up with Tracy too. For the past few weeks Gun and I learned more things about each other. Everything was going well we were filming our last scene of the day and Gun was helping clean our work station,

“Witty Boy,” he smiled hugging me from behind, is weird to believe that even though he’s taller he’s so sweet and gentle.

“Hey, Wit, are you trouble or something?” Ray said giving me a serious stare, shaking my head to him I haven’t even gone out lately.

“There’s someone looking for you in the trailer, he seems important.” He snapped crossing his arms barely believing me. I looked at Gun and he looked at me gulping hard as I left the set.

“Hello,” I greet the man sitting in my assigned chair, his back faced me until I spoke,

“Are you Witchit Autumn Cross?” he said this man looked scary and eerie, not sure where he came from, but he needed to go back. He looked like a mix of Lurch and Fester from Addams Family, I shuddered from his voice alone. I little pissed how the hell did he know my full legal name. Nodding to answer him that was a mistake, he stood up quickly if I thought Bash was tall, this man was a giant then.

“Don’t nod at me,” he nearly growled, gulping hard, my hands were sweating, and I was shaking in my boots.

“Yes Sir! I’m Wit Cross,”

“This same Wit Cross,” he held up and picture and my soul left my body, how would he have a picture of us, who is this guy anyway? As if my face asked the questions he answered,

“I’m Sebastian Curtter Jr. and I believe you and my son have been having an affair behind his wife’s back,” I couldn’t breathe, this was Bash’s father and he knows about us, I stood shaking to the core as he walked closer to me.

“I don’t know what kind of girl you are, but Sebastian is married now, and you need to mind your own affairs.” Girl…?

He thinks I’m a girl… He really doesn’t know that Bash is gay. Swallowing the lump in my throat as I said

“I haven’t seen or talked to Bash since he told me he was married sir,” I spoke low, but he could hear me enough. I turned to leave, hoping that this will all be over and I’ll never see him again.

“Wait a minute…” his hand landed on my shoulder, I felt the impact shoot through my arm down my body.

“You’re a female, right?” he probably picked up on my voice even though I kept it low,

“No Sir!” I lowered my head more to the ground, taking in a deep breath,

“I’m a man,” it was one thing to have a relationship with a closet gay, but it hits differently when that person's family finds out after they’ve already married. The man squeezed my shoulder making me hiss from the pressure, tears welling up in my eyes he spun me around to face him,

“What did you do to my son?” he growled, completely floored by the question,

“He’s sick! And upon my investigation I found this.” He held up a file that had the pictures of Bash and I in a very intimate position.

“So naturally I would like to know… Had I known a faggot caused my sons illness…” he spat those vile words to me, Bash was sick and he blamed me for it, he didn’t finish his sentence he just shook his head pushing past me. Not sure why air caught in my throat as I gasped for air panting as I dropped to my knees crying, I had just encountered this person who blamed me for his son’s actions.

“Wit,” I can hear Gun calling my name, him holding me and rocking me side to side, but words would come out. I couldn’t face this I not strong enough for this kind of life. I sat sobbing, why did I have to do it, why did I fuck my life like this? I wish I could erase everything that’s happened in the past six months.

“I want to see him, Gun,” I didn’t need to explain any future he just nods helping me to my feet.

It took us a good three days to locate Bash, I hadn’t been in contact with him and to know this information, I should have moved on and stopped thinking about, stop wondering if he’s dealing well with being married and having his.

It all just seemed to become more of a worry and wanting to call him or check on him. Like now I am standing outside his hospital room, grief-stricken but the site, this giant man that was nearly two hundred pounds more than me, looked so frail and sickly nothing but skin and bones. His skin color was now paler than mine, his once dyed hair is now it’s natural color dark brown, he looked sleeping as the machine beeped.

“Would you like to go inside?” a lady asked startling me a bit, turning face to face with a very beautiful lady maybe a few years older than me.

“Ah, no I uhm I should go.” Brushing by her, my voice stuttered and heart sunk,

“Wit?” stopping dead in my tracks, how do all these people know me, but I don’t who the hell this person was, I just had a run-in with Bash’s father, this could be his mother or sister or worse his wife.

“I know Bash would like to see you; he’s been calling your name in his sleep.” She whispered, I barely heard her at first.

“I’ve known for years that my husband is gay,” there it was the blow to my chest, this is his wife, the woman Bash cheated on with me. I couldn’t hide the tormented on my face, but she just smiled.

“You don’t need to be upset or grieved; we made an agreement years ago about this.”

“Let’s go for coffee,” she smiled taking my hand leading me to the café not far from the hospital. I sat down with my drink same for her, she just smiled, I couldn’t read her emotions or intentions nothing.

“Allow me to introduce myself I’m Tracy Steals-Curtter, not only am I Tom-Tom’s mom, but I’m also Bash’s wife, now you are,” ironic her name says it all,

“I’m Wit Cross, college student, studying general majors.”

“So you are Bash’s release partner,” she spoke, but what she said had me stunned.

“What?”

“Bash is a man, and like all men, he has needs, I can’t give him what he needs,” she spoke as I wanted to drown in my cup, after a brief silence.

“Our experiment has to lead us to be wed and parents before I finished high school, my parents disowned me and he felt he should take care of us, but it was the first time that we knew he wasn’t into females. We’d only had sex twice in the five years we’ve been together.” She explained circling the rim of her cup. Watching her facial expressions nothing changer, she was genuinely telling me this information.

“I know I’m asking a lot with this, but I’d much rather know that Bash is actually happy with someone then being trapped. I’ve never seen him so happy until the day he told me about you, he really loves you, and to be honest, I see why you are very pretty for a man.” Rolling my eyes knowing that was coming sooner or later.

“What happened between Bash and I, it’s complicated, I made a promise to my late parents and he knew about it, but he still took advantage of the situation and then lied to me about you, I gave all of my heart to him, it hurts more to love someone you can never truly have.” Wiping away the tears as I spoke, my heart hurt so badly from it, and I could never willingly be someone’s side piece, even if his wife is asking me to be.

“Wit, you’re not a side piece to him, I’ve seen the way his face lights up when we talk about you, my girlfriend said the same thing a few nights ago,” her face instantly changed when our eyes locked,

“Wh…at?” the lump grew, this situation is so fucked up, they have a kid, but they also have other willing partners.

“When he collapsed, we were talking about how to find a way of getting you back, our marriage is just on paper and for Tom-Tom to inherit the family name. My parents just recently gave back everything they took for me years ago, I’ve been with both Bash and Emma for four years.” Her sigh lingered before she spoke again,

“He loves you, and I have no right to tell you what to do, but he’s so happy with you, and Tom-Tom too, do you think I would let Tom-Tom near you if I didn’t trust in Bash to keep our son save, he’s never meant any of Bash’s other partners before.” Her lip quiver as she spoke, her smile slowly leaving her face. She reached over touching my hand,

“Let’s go see Bash together.” With a nod I just followed her quietly, our conversation did a lot for me, I found out that she wants Bash to be happy, she does everything for Tom-Tom (like every mom) she didn’t look that bad either, her pixie style hair cut and tall slim body, completely different from mine, I’m shorter than her by a good five inches or more. I kept my head down as we walked into the room.

“Bash, someone is here to see you,”

“If it’s not Tom-Tom I don’t want to see anyone,” he growled the sound in his voice made me jump a bit, I turned to leave,

“Wait,” she grabbed my wrist, her hands were so soft, I looked back into her eyes, she smiled swinging me in front of her, I felt so expose wrapping my arms around myself.

“Wit,” his face went from sour and hurt to lighten and excited, could Tracy be right, could be happy to be with me.

“Wit, his parents will be here in one hour, have fun.” She smiled and left me standing there, I felt naked.

“I… ummm” words and sounds caught in my throat.

“Come sit,” he patted the bed my eyes didn’t leave the floor,

“You’re sick,” I said as I sat on the foot of the bed, a little square spot open, I kept my distance still not sure what I’m doing here. My head screams go hangout with Gun and My heart screamed Bash needs you most.

“Yea, how did you know?”

“Umm… Your father paid me a visit,” he jerked front growling at me, I leaned back scared by the sound in his voice. I’d heard him growl before, but this was different from before. This sounded like pure hate.

“Yea, umm he had a picture of us… in bed together,” I never hide anything from him, and this was something I didn’t want to tell him, it just happened to jump out of my mouth. As I spoke, he grabbed the blanket squeezing it,

“How the fuck did he get a picture of us? Wit I’m sorry ok, I’ll deal with him.” I shook my head,

“This won’t work between us, I came to make sure you were ok, and now that I know you are, I’ll leave now.” Just I got up he wrapped his arms around my waist,

“Wit, please stay, I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry I hurt you, I promised to be better for you,” tears welling up in my eyes, I still loved him and it hurt so much.

“Bash please,” whimpering, his gripped felt so warm and loving,

“AMMEN,” looking up to see the lurch fester man standing in the doorway, Bash looked up at him, I silently wished I didn’t come.

“Dad your early,” Bash said, not moving from where we were,

“Why is this thing here?” he snapped, it was then that Bash lifted me up onto his lap, I fought against him holding me in front of his father like that.

“This is Wit, my boyfriend,” as the words left his mouth his fathers face went pale,

“You are married and a father, you are not allowed to be in any relations with a faggot,” those words, I fought hard to get free, cursing my small weak stature. I was being tortured and Bash needed to see it, he needed to know how much it hurt to be put in this position.

“No, you’re not allowed to tell me what to do, Wit is the best thing as happened to me for years I’ve hidden my sexuality from you and now I’m tired of it, you can’t keep telling me what to do. I’m gay, I’ve been gay all my life and you are a biased prick that needs to learn that not everyone is straight.” his tone being deep and fearful that was a tone I’ve never heard him use. Little pieces of my heart started to mend with him standing up to his father for me. Watching as I father just shook his head and left.

“Well I think he took better than I thought he would,” Bash smiled earning a smack on the arm from me,

“Do you think you can give me another chance? I know I don’t deserve I, but please Wit,”

“I don’t know Bash everything is all messed up,” I struggled to get off his lap, his face changed,

“Did you find someone else?” I didn’t need to answer for him to get the message.

“That guy that was at your apartment?” I just stayed quiet with my head down,

“Did he fuck you too?” with that question I looked him in the eyes and said,

“No, I fucked him,” at that the atmosphere change in the room, I sat in the chair quietly as if our presence to each other was enough to keep us company, just like before.

A few hours past from my time with Bash, sitting in my car frozen to my seat, I didn’t even leave the hospital parking lot yet, just taking in all the information. Jumping at the sound of my phone ringing, I answered the call, but didn’t speak for a minute just hearing Guns breathing.

‘Witctit, Are you okay?’ Gun asked from the other side of the phone,

“Yea;” I sniffled answering him,

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

‘Okay,’ his voice was holding back worrying sound,

Wiping my tears driving to his place hoping that tonight I can concentrate on other lines.

I didn’t knock on Gun’s door, he’s told me a million times just walk in, my feet drag through the door meeting him in the kitchen his face instantly went from happy to worried I knew it would, but the words he said I didn’t expect.

“It’s Bash right?” dropping into his arms, he’s been by my side for so much and I just don’t know how to repay him, but right now this hug was my lifesaver. I just let the tears fall, we sat there on the floor him holding me as I cried. I didn’t even understand why I was crying Bash hurt me, but this hurts just as much.

“What wrong?” he bushed his hand through my hair,

“He’s… sick,” words barely made it pasted my mouth.

“Oh, Wit, that’s the reason his father came to the set?” a nod answered his question. At times like this I really wish Mo and Jerry could help, but like me they have their own partners and busy life. Gun has been taking all my bullshit and not asking for anything in return right now was the same, something going on between Bash and I, I go running to Gun about it.

“Gun I’m seriously sorry I’m throwing all my drama on you, and I wish I could do anything to repay you.”

“Witchit, you being happy is enough and if I have to sit and hold you until you feel better then that’s what I’ll do.” He smiled,

What should I do? How can I just forget the one person that I loved? What will happen between Gun and I if I go back to Bash? What do I really feel for Gun and Bash?