Fallen Deep

Chapter Five

Waking up to pounding on my door, groaning as I drug my feet to the door.

“Damn it, Mo what do you wan…t” stopping dead in my tracks,

“Miss me!” Bash smiled holding out his arms to me,

“Bash,” giggling like a kid jumping into his arms taking a very long-awaited kiss. Three weeks away from him was not that bad, but after spending nearly an entire month together and then not it hits you differently.

Sighing my eyes rolled back as he attacked my neck, I wanted to fight this a little longer, but that was pointless knowing he’s done this a million times and knows all the tricks.

“Stop,” I pushed him just a little, giving him a pouty face.

“Wit,” confusion was too cute on him,

“I have something I want to tell you first,” taking his hand leading him to the kitchen island, his face stayed confused. I’m guessing mainly because I didn’t really contact him much during break, I didn’t want to pry and if he didn’t message me, I didn’t talk to him.

“While we were on break, I did some looking around…” I looked around trying to find the courage to tell him,

“Looking around for what?” Bash said trying understand the sudden change in my mood, I wasn’t really looking at him just sitting there fiddling with my shirt.

“I auditioned for a tv show and I landed the part,” I gulped hard telling him this, he never knew I was inserted in acting, I’m really not I just needed a job and this worked good with my school schedule. The director said I was prefect for the part and he already gave me the script to read over, it was just to tell Bash about kissing another man in the show. When he didn’t speak, I looked up to see him just staring at me, with no emotions, just waiting for me to finish talking.

“Is this good news?” he arched his eyebrow

“Umm… there’s something else…”

“There’s a few intimate scenes too” he didn’t respond and to be honest I didn’t know what to do or think. We’re not really in a relationship, but I felt that he needed to know this.

“So how intimate are these scenes?” he spoke after a few silent minutes,

“Shirtless and kissing mostly,”

“Umm… Ok, obviously this is your choice I’m not going to stop you from doing something you want to do, just please stay straight forward about it, is that okay?” there it was the closure I needed to move forward with this.

“Thank you,” I smiled lounging myself into his lap laughing and kissing him,

“Why are you thanking me, it’s not like I will hold you back, if this is what you want then I can’t stop and I would never want you to miss an opportunity like this again. So, tell me what this show is about?” he said holding me by my waist, he made it seem so easy to hold me up like this.

“It’s about a couple that need to find their way around the negative world,” he gave me an odd look, I’ve seen that look before it wasn’t scary, but it wasn’t exciting either.

“Who’s your co-star?”

“I don’t know yet, I got the script though,” trying to hide the smile on my face, he’s being supportive and that was great,

“Let’s talk about that later, I want to lay you out,” we’ve had sex a lot not that I was complaining, but there was other ways to spend time.

“Can I say no,” looking down biting lip, I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want him, I just wasn’t in the mood right now.

“Ok, a movie then?” he said after a minute and a heavy sigh, moving to the couch sitting as he set up a movie.

Fighting hard to keep my eyes open throughout the movie, but impossible until Bash’s phone rung scaring the shit out of me, he nearly jumped out of his seat, knocking my head off his lap, walking outside my room. Thinking for a minute he’s never done that before; he’d always answered the phone while I was here.

“Everything ok?” I said as he walked back into the room sighing deeply about ten minutes later. He didn’t seem as happy now, it’s like the world had dropped on his shoulders.

“Yea, Fine, Uh I have to go I’ll see you in a couple of days,”

“O…K” with that he left, no kiss or hug nothing, I actually started pouting a bit, what was going on with him all of a sudden.

Taking time to read over my script again, I played an arrogant jerk that believes he’s better then everyone, so basically the opposite of me. Jade was my character’s name; he ran away from his partner throughout the show until friends pinned them together for a job leading to them falling for one another. Flipping the pages reading my lines for the first scene

‘Walking into the building huffing from the heat carrying a few heavy bags, seeing the guest in line rolling my eyes to the amount of time I had to spend standing there.’

Laughing that was funny I’ve never had a problem being patient.

“I want a room, preferably on the top floor,” using the attitude demeanor that was asked,

“Thank you miss,”

I spent most of the night reading over and playing the scene out in my head, thinking of who my co-star would be, but after a while I fell asleep.

Waking up to my alarm, hopping through the room looking for my shoe. Completely out of breath by time I got to my car, but at least I was on time to the studio.

“Hi, I’m Wit,” I said to the guard showing my ID

“Room 6,” he points his thumb behind him seeing the door with a big 6 on it.

Seeing Ray and June sitting at the table already,

“Ah Wit, You’re here,” nodding my head then sitting next to them,

“Okay so today we are going to hold auditions for Wit’s (Jade’s) partner,” I was to run the scene with the contestant seeing who would fit the part best.

“Number 33,” this guy was just as small as me, tan, blue eyes, brown hair, white t-shirt, ripped jeans.

“Okay first line an~d go”

“What are you looking at?” using my acting demeanor

“Uh Uh Ummm,” he stuttered looking around definitely NOT what’s written in the script.

“NEXT,” Ray yelled after ten minutes of trying with him.

For the next three hours this is what my day was like I was beginning to think no one would be good for the part,

“Okay, Wit this is the last one of the day, number 92” Ray yelled, my entire body froze. A man not much taller than me, maybe four or five inches, black hair, brown eyes, amazing v-jaw line, I noticed a scar under his eye when he walked closer.

“So let’s start with the first line,” June said, I could tell she noticed my demeanor change from tired to hyped.

“What are you looking at?” following the script to a tee he stepped closer, eye to eye

“I’m looking at you,” he voice made my legs shake,

“Move!” snapping as the written,

“I don’t want to,”

“CUT” June said, as she shuffled through the pages looking up to me,

“Lets try and scene that involves a bit more closeness,” she showed Ray the page for him to direct us.

“Alright guys this scene Wit, you push him lightly 92 you will hold his under arms in place and kiss him, Not a set my pants on fire kiss, just a small peck Got it?” Ray smiled at me, nodding the same for 92

Standing in the middle of the room, ready for this

“Action,”

“I told you stay away from me,” nudging him as scripted, he followed exactly as Ray said, I could feel my soul burn as his lips touched mine.

“I don’t want to,” shocked, stunned, frozen to my spot, I even forgot my line.

“CUT,” returning to my senses after hearing Ray scream.

“92 what is your name?” June asked, I lowered my head trying to hide the heat in my face.

“Sebastien,” jerking my head to him, I literally think my mouth hit the floor, another Bash made me feel completely soulless.

“Good, you got the role for Ryn,” June smiled winking at me,

Fuck! I thought to myself how was I going to do this I had to run lines with him and just standing next to him made me shaky.

“Enough for today, we will continue tomorrow, I suggest you exchange numbers to run lines over the phone or set up meeting for study room.” Ray said as him and June packed their bags,

“Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Sebastián Gun,” he held out his hand, taking his hand shaking it lightly,

“Witchit Cross, everyone calls me Wit,” he smiled, I got a glimpse,

“Oh, I see you noticed I have braces, great name too, everyone calls me…

“Bash?” he didn’t need to finish that I already knew,

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” I didn’t want to tell him just yet, one I’m gay and two I sort of have a boyfriend named Bash as well.

We didn’t talk much more after that, he walked me to my car and gave me his number, I don’t plan on calling him anytime soon. I’ll give him a couple of days to read over his lines. Walking into my building seeing Bash standing at the elevator with a woman, I’d never seen before not at school or bars. He seemed close to her and cozy smiling as they talked. I lowered my head and walked up the stairs to the next floor up to get the elevator there, I didn’t want to interrupt them.

Plopping down on my couch sighing deeply my brain was ready to explode, and I had no one I could vent to with out it getting back to Bash, he has Mo and Jerry wrapped around his fingers. How the hell will I handle this show? Why did Sebastián make me feel the same way Bash did? Who was that person with Bash? Why did I feel jealous of all this?

Staring at Sebastián’s number for a good minute, dialing, waiting as soon as his voice hit my ear I froze.

“Hello… Hello… Hello Witchit?” I hung up the phone, I couldn’t handle it, Bash didn’t know my real name, and I have no idea why I didn’t tell him, but when Sebastián said it HOLY WETNESS.

‘Is everything ok?’ he texted,

‘Yes, just needed to vent, but didn’t want to bother you with personal issues, sorry,’

‘Tell me, we will be working together for nearly a year, I don’t want you to have a lot on your plate, I’ll be an ear for you.’

‘Can you meet me at JubJubs?’

‘One hour,’

Not long after texting Sebastián I walked down to JubJubs, I ordered one beer and sipped it, no way in hell was I getting drunk the last time I did that… Shaking my head Damn it. Looking up to Sebastián when his hand landed on my shoulder,

“What’s wrong?” he sat on the stool next to me,

“I don’t know why the hell I called you dude, you don’t know me from atom and just all this shit is hitting the fan and I really don’t have anyone to vent too.”

“Best way to get to know each other is to play 21 questions, I’ll ask you something then you ask me fair?” he smiled waving the bartender for a six pack, he pulled me to the corner booth, it was quieter and a bit more private.

“Where did the name Witchit come from?”

“My parents loved witches and because I was a boy, they couldn’t use Wicca,”

“Where did Gun come from?” he laughed, I’m guessing he’s been asked that a lot, no one really knows my real name.

“Um when my family migrated here my first name became my last name, so Gun is actually my first name,” he took a drink before asking another question, but his answer paved way for my next question.

“Why were you upset?” dropping my head, he really just jumped over everything else and got straight to the point.

“Um… I don’t know how to say it…”

“Just lay it out, no judgement,” and that was exactly what I did, I told him everything from my promise to Bash’s new attitude. He stuck to his word, he didn’t judge me, and he didn’t even mention (WOW you’re gay) line that I’ve heard a lot recently.

“My advice is to take a step back and figure out if you actually have feelings for him or if it just the lust clouding your judgement. Obviously because this is your first time with everything and that was something you promised. Don’t you think maybe you should take your time, yeah you made a mistake by getting drunk and losing you virginity, but would your parents be upset by that or would they be upset that you fell for a guy that didn’t see you equally?” his words stung more then I thought. I ended up getting smashed again but this time I remembered him helping me home, putting me to bed and sleeping on the couch making sure I was ok before leaving the next morning.

Chapter Six

After Gun left, I showered and got ready for school, I told him I’ll call him Gun so I wouldn’t get his nickname and Bash’s mixed up. I was just about to lock my room up when I felt a body press against me, turning face to chest.

Damn it

I didn’t need to follow the figure upward to know who it was,

“Hello Bash,” sighing just a bit, not that I didn’t want to see him, I was still a little upset about the last couple of days.

“Just hello, really! No explanation? Why was there another man walking out of your apartment twenty minutes ago,” he snapped pressing his body harder against mine. Rolling my eyes crossing my arms, that’s it, he can interact with other people why couldn’t I.

I used all my strength to push him back, he barely moved, but enough for me to squeeze by.

“He’s my co-worker and you’re not my boyfriend to tell me what to do,” I jerked swinging my bag over my shoulder walking away. When he didn’t text or call me throughout the day it hurt, but it also gave me the answer I was really looking for. I was just a toy to him, and it was time for me to take a break from him. Gun’s words rung in my ear though out most of the day. I barely paid attention to the instructor, Mo text me to meet at the food court for lunch with Jerry and Tee, something about he had news for me.

“Hey Wit” walking from the classroom door as the instructor ended our session, to the hallway seeing Amber running my way,

“Hey, you okay?” smiling at huffing and puffing like a fish out of water,

“Did you hear?” she said holding my shoulders, I gave her the what the fuck look for her to explain,

“Bash, he’s getting married,” her words hit like a bullet, she obviously knew more about us then she told me, or else she wouldn’t have ran here just to tell me this. I didn’t bother to answer her, I tried to act unfazed, but I felt the tears welling up in my eyes walking away. Only one person came to mind, I really didn’t want to call him.

‘Can you meet me please?’

‘Where are you?’

‘Food court’

‘On my way’

Sitting outside of the food court I’d already spotted Mo and Jerry eating; I didn’t have the balls to see them right now. I was a failure, I tried and failed right in this minute I couldn’t hold back. Gun’s hand landed on my shoulder and that was it, tears just fell. He pushed my face into his shoulder not fazed, he just held me there hiding the fact I was crying like a little baby.

“It’s okay Witchit, let’s go sit in my car,” I didn’t fight him, I just walked with him to his car, we didn’t talk until to the car door was closed.

“Okay now tell me what is going on,” sighing leaning my head back,

“I don’t know if it’s true, but Bash is apparently getting married,”

“You said he wasn’t with anyone else,”

“Yeah, I thought so too, I’m guessing to his son’s mom, I don’t know, I’m sorry I called you again, you probably have better things to do,” I turned to open the door only to be stopped by his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re good, I was done with class as well, we can run lines to get your mind off things, sound good?” He suggestion was better than I thought, and even hitting a good diner before heading to my apartment. In the span of three hours my phone not once pinged or rung, not Mo, Jerry, Tee, or evening Bash, right at that moment I felt like an outcast to my own friends.

‘I told you leave me alone,’ trying hard to stick to the script, but Gun is making some crazy faces,

‘I don’t want to, I want you to stay the night how about that,’ I shivered at his touch, not sexually, his hands were freaking cold,

“So as I speak I lean closer until you’re bending back onto the bed,” he said looking at the paper,

“So like this,” I sat on the edge of the couch, letting him get closer for the scene,

“This is where we kiss, but we don’t need to practice that any time soon,” nodding to him as we ran the words and layouts a few more times, between lines and playing around I hadn’t notice five hours passed like a flash.

“I think we got the first three scenes down, ready for shooting next week,” shaking my head no, but he made it so easy to be around.

“You’ll do great, just focus on school during the day and I’ll meet you here after for lines, Okay?”

“Thank you…” I said looking around,

“Ummm… for helping me and letting me vent about everything even though you really don’t me that well,” I said hugging him, I couldn’t explain how could he be so nice me and has never bothered to judge me once about who I am, Why didn’t my own friends do that?

“It’s okay, Witchit, I know the way you feel right now, confused, scared, nervous that no one will understand, your emotions are everywhere because you never thought you were gay and your never experience any of this before. My sister was literally in your boat a few years ago before she went to India with her wife.” My mouth dropped, he really did understand me and in a different sense of the situation.

I held the door open stopping at Bash standing there,

“Why is he here this late?” Bash snapped pushing past me

“We’re running lines Bash I told you this,” not that I needed to explain myself to him,

“Leave now,” he snapped pointing his thumb behind him,

“No, he doesn’t need to leave, You need to explain why a rumor of you getting married is going around,” Gun sat on the couch quietly as Bash sat on the bar stool and I stood with my arms crossed waiting for an answer.

“That’s what I came here to tell you, I am getting married to Tracy next week,” I tried to act tough, but I couldn’t I had invested my feelings into something that was pointless, he used me. Nothing stopped me from slapping him across the face,

“Leave, I never want to see you again,”

“Please Wit let me explain,” he reached out for my arms, I stepped back,

“I don’t want to hear it, Please Bash, just leave.” He laid his head on top of mine sighing before leaving. I hugged myself crying, how stupid and naive, feeling arms wrap around me feeling his presents Gun, I’d almost forgot he was here.

“Why am I so stupid? Gun tell me,”

“You’re not stupid you just trusted the wrong person,” his words are always true

“Can I trust you?”

“I can’t answer that, you are the only one that can.” His head laid on my shoulder as he hugged me, squeezing just enough to keep me alert of his presents.

Two weeks later

I’d been working with Gun every day on our parts for the show, our start filming was yesterday, I tired to keep a straight face, but impossible.

“Hello, I want to check my bags in NOW!” sticking to the attitude needed for the character.

“Cut!” Ray yelled, sighing as I walked of set straight into Gun’s arms, that was any other thing that developed between us, we’re closer not as a couple but he knows I need to be held a lot and he doesn’t mind holding me.

“Get a room,” most of the set workers teased us, they know we are like this for the show, no one here knows I’m gay and I am happy with that. Gun pulled me onto his lap it was the first time I’d never sat like that with anyone, I didn’t fight him, not that I would anyways.

“You ok Witchit,” he whispered in my ear, another thing no one knew was my real name as well.

“I’m good, I like sitting here,” he made comfortable, oddly enough I nuzzled my head against his neck, his cologne smelled so good. I've been fighting the urge to ask him what brand his uses.

“Wit,” jumping up seeing Mo walking to where we were.

“Hey Mo, what are you doing here?” I nearly stuttered the last thing I wanted was him rubbing in my face about sitting on Gun’s lap.

“Came to cheer you on, Jerry and Tee are here too,” I literally face palm myself, as if I wasn’t already nervous.

“How does this all work?” Mo gestured to the set, and everyone moving things around,

“We memorize the lines that we are giving, and then go on the set and act it out,” Gun explained meanwhile Mo had the (what to fuck look on his face)

“Who are you?”

“Ah, Sebastián Gun” he said holding his hand out for Mo to shake.

“My co-star, he means, we actually get a long pretty well doesn’t seem like I’m working at all.” I explained,

“So~~ Can I ask what happened between you and Bash?” it hit, I hadn’t thought about him since that day I made him leave.

“All on set” Ray yelled; it was our cue to go on set.

“Ready for this scene,” Gun said trying to help me relax, he and I both knew this scene was going to be hard our first actual deep make out kiss, I’ve only ever kissed Bash like that, He took my hand leading me onto set, I saw Jerry walk up next to Mo, I had to smile they were here to support me and so was Gun.

“Ok, Wit when Gun gets closer you lean backward until he is pressed chest to chest and then Gun grab Wit’s neck, (make it forceful but not painful) give it a good ten seconds then slowly close the gap leading to the kiss.” We nod in understanding the instruction,

“Follow my lead, remember to breathe and relax, don’t think,” he whispered, it relaxed me enough to make sure this would be fun. Running our lines, I tensed up a bit when Gun leaned inward slowly closing the space between us, I closed my eyes feeling his breath on my lips. Our lips touched and my world froze everything around us disappeared, I felt lost in his arms. He roamed my mouth as I did his if I didn’t need air I wouldn’t break away.

SHIT! This isn’t good…

Four takes were all we needed, and Ray said it was well worth it because he could three different angles too. Laughing at Gun who was currently dance like a fool it made me follow, walking off set seeing Mo, Jerry and Tee standing there dumbfounded. Gun jumped down holding his arms for me to jump to him like we always did. Of course, their months hit the floor at our touchy-feely ways, rolling my eyes waiting for the jokes and teasing, but they smiled and stayed quiet about too. After that piece we were set free meaning we were done for the day and I was starving good thing Jerry suggest we eat at the local bar, no drinks for me though. I didn’t fight Gun when he said I should limit my drinking so I wouldn’t end up in the same boat again but being by his side I knew he wouldn’t let anything happen.

“Wit it’s been so long since we’ve hung out I can’t believe you’re all grown up now,” arching my eyebrow to Mo acting like fool,

“I mean look at you, you got yourself another boyfriend so soon after getting dumped congratulations,” I didn’t even let his words hurt me, I felt Gun wrap his arm around me.

“I’m not his boyfriend, and it’s none of your DAMN business what the hell Witchit does with his life,” Gun snapped, to be honest I’d never hear him use this tone with anyone, I knew he was sort of upset that I let them talk to me that way, but it hit different when Gun took my hand almost dragging outside.

“Gun look I’m sorry they said that don’t listen to them…”

He stopped me by capturing my lips, this was different we weren’t working, but I also didn’t want him to stop.

“Witchit I like you.” I could feel my eyes roll to the back of my head. I didn’t want this, I’m not ready, I pushed him away. Suddenly it all connected, it was to much for me to handle right now.

“I’m sorry Gun.” I turned and ran away, I didn’t notice I was crying until I got to my apartment door, as if life couldn’t get any more complicated Bash was standing at my door with Tom-Tom.

FUCK…

“Wit,” Tom-Tom screamed running into my legs hugging me tight, my eyes connected with Bash waiting for an explanation,

“He wouldn’t sleep in my room, can we bunk with you for the night?” my brain screamed NO, but my heart screamed YES, it hurt so much to see him and to look at the wedding band on his hand officially told me he’ll never be mine. Gulping hard the knot in my throat grew bigger as I tried to speak.

Stupid idiot I let him in again, but in my defense I did it because Tom-Tom asked me as well. Throwing a blanket on the couch for Tom-Tom trying to fight the urge to punch Bash for putting me through this.

“Ok buddy all set, ready for bed.” I said putting his cup of milk on the table tucking him in, turning to face plant into Bash’s chest. Sighing deeply as I laid a blanket on the floor for him.

“What is that for?” he said as if I would let him sleep next to me now,

“It’s for you to sleep on,”

“Really Wit,” he gave me attitude but I wasn’t having it tonight I’ve had enough for a life time.

“You’re married…” I gestured to the ring on his finger, giving him a glare it hurt to say it out loud, sighing as I caught my breathe.

“And I already feel like shit knowing you cheated on your fiancé with me, but to think you can come in here and try to sleep even in the same bed as me YOU'RE WRONG,” I poked him in the chest knowing it didn’t hurt him, but hopefully he got the message. I turned going to my room as I closed the door, he pushed it open, standing too close and too intimidating for comfort.

“What?” putting on my best (I’m not scared face)

“I didn’t want to get married, you need to understand my family doesn’t know I’m gay, Tracy has known for years, Tom-Tom was a mistake, but in my family it means a lifetime commitment. Our is just for show, you think she doesn't have other partners or that I didn't in the past. ” He snapped, holding my arms tightly, but those words pissed me off even more,

“Your son is never a fucking mistake dumbass…” I jerked backward making him release me.

“You fucked Tracy for fun, you knew the consequences when you did it, and YES you should marry the woman that gave you a child, your sexuality doesn’t have a Damn thing to do with it.” I couldn’t hold back the tears, it hurt so much, how could he say stuff like that, I couldn’t hold back any longer.

“You made fall in love with you, and you’re a fuck jerk to do that knowing I’d never done any of this before and knowing my promise to my fucking parents before they died. You lied to me and played with my emotions, now go sleep on the fucking floor like the dog you are,” I didn’t notice I was yelling until I hear a sniffle from behind me, Tom-Tom stood there with tears streaming down his face, I’d never cussed like that before and for a four-year-old to hear it, I turned and slapped Bash across the face before storming out my own apartment. At that exact moment I had absolutely no one to turn too, I’d fucked I’m entire life over one-night.