Dreaming hearts and pain

As I drifted off to sleep in the love of my life’s arms. Feeling safe comforted and loved. Feet entangled naked after making love, feeling all the dopamine and all the feel good chemicals running around in my brain. I started to hear these voices. No people, just voices. To my surprise I knew these voices. They were lovers it was my lover and hers, to my surprise it was not mine. As I cried on the floor as these voices continued to be loving in the next room, outside the window, and in bathroom. I looked outside and saw the full moon shining so bright in its beauty. I stared begging for help to take this heavy sadness and dispair of of my heart. I could not stand it, the heart was so heavy. If the moon could take just one oz of this pain I could at least take my stand. After that I know I would be able to take my first step to a new life. A new life to love myself as much as I loved him. I gave him my love even the reserves I had for myself. It was so hard to give those up but I did and now I’m down on this floor with no love for me no longer. I cried myself dry, these tears no longer pour. Dried mucous swollen sinuses, pain in my chest “please”! I cried “take just a little bit I can’t take this” “I promise I will take these first steps with the intent of loving myself again”. “Every step I take I will take to shed this weight so I do not have to give you anymore. I know most of ur weight on your moon thigh is mine”. The moon has taken so much of my pain, that in itself was so much weight how could I bear to give it anymore. I can feel the weight getting heavier and heavier like two magnets and these voices continued on with thier inults thier mockery and thier evil stunts. Fantasizing death to the most sexiest of forms. As death teased and teased leaving me with the hardest of hard ons for death. I layed there with a heavier heart and a hard on. The discomfort was so real and concerning because I kind of knew it was only a dream. As I layed there with bodily fluids seeping out of my body. I heard a person snoring only my theory at that moment. Was it was myself? I soon realized it was my love which helped me realize that it was only a dream. A sigh of relief came upon my body and the love I had for this man gave me hope. Hope to come back from this god awful nightmare. I opened my eyes and as I realized I was back inside my body I turned to the right. Saw the drooling love of my life sleeping looking so fucking handsome. The full moon shone through the window upon him. And I fell in love all over again, despite all he had done that day that caused me grief. I myself am sure I do the same. I kissed his head layed back down and wondered what would I do if that was real no would we still be togeather. I hate to say it but I love him so much I had probably have to get over it. I know there is so much love for each other that the only way for us to split is if he had pushed me away. Then I would know he had no more love for me and I would have to just keep on trucking in The dark abyss we call life alone, well not alone with me and I am ok with that too.