Diary of a Rubber Doll

Day 3

The voices are computer synthesized, never hear a human voice again it said. Always a male voice, so far anyway…. The voice seems to be inside of my head, rather than on the air floating to me. It fills my every waking moment and at times I hate it. My head is always so groggy when I wake up and the world black. They control what I see, or don’t see. How were they able to accomplish this? It can’t be legal! I never wanted this and will somehow figure out how to get out of this situation. Until then, I must endure and see what it is they expect from me.

“Wake up Lucy,” the voice spoke firmly. I tried to move but found I was securely strapped to something. I couldn’t even shake my head from side to side.

“You will remain in this room for some time as your true preparation takes place,” the voice informed me. As much as I wanted to protest, I had no means to. They had taken all of that away from me.

Everything was always so matter of fact, empty and devoid of any emotion here. Almost clinical. The same monotone voice in my head, the same warm hands that touched me. It never changed, the same thing every day to the point of feeling like insanity.

“You will feel a warmth in your rectum. We have taken control of everything, Lucy, even your bodily functions. You cannot even urinate on your own now,” the voice keep speaking.

I knew I had to listen, to learn what they had done to me and how I could overcome it to escape this wretched place. The voice grated on my nerves. Why hadn’t they just erased my memory made me a blank slate? Why had they left me a virtual prisoner in my own body? I hated it because on some dark level I liked what they did. If I didn’t why would I have orgasmed myself into oblivion?

“The liquid will not harm you and the plug will enlarge to keep the liquid inside for the best clearing results,” the voice rambled on. It was humiliating! Not only could I not take care of my own business, now they controlled it in every aspect. A thought hit me. Where would said business go? I was strapped to a contraption that I could not even see to describe, but it did not feel like a bed or table.

The liquid began to fill my rectum, warm and unwanted. I could not even squirm against it. I also felt the plug enlarge inside, small movements that kept the warm liquid from seeping out. What a mess that might be! Would serve them right!

“The liquid will be left inside for a few moments and then you will expel it, Lucy, I would tell you to nod if you understand but that is not an option at the moment,” the voice seemed almost amused. Although it was a computer synthesized voice, someone had to be behind a keyboard.

The voice had been right about one thing. I could not urinate no matter how hard I tried or how bad I needed to. Such simple things, humiliating things really, and yet they no longer belonged to me or were I my control. I tried to relax and simply listen, absorb everything I could glean that might help me as this warm liquid finally stopped flowing and the plug fully inflated.

“Each morning this will be your ritual, to be cleaned and prepped for the day. But today will just be learning what you are my beautiful Lucy,” the voice continued. Was I still beautiful? I had been before they took me…. What am I now?

I tried to concentrate on my own body, never more aware of it than I was in this moment. I could feel the gag within my mouth and how my lips now formed a perfect “O”. I hated it and used my tongue to try to push the soft gag out to no avail. It seemed something within my lips was holding it firmly in place. The same held true for the dildo within my vagina. I could feel it, small and still but held firmly in place no matter how I tried to push it out. Something within me was holding it there.

“The device you are strapped to will now move you in place to expel. Do not be frightened, it will not hurt you,” the voice explained and the device shifted from a laying position into a near sitting one. I felt nothing under me though. What would I expel into? I wondered in horror as I felt hand gently touch me.

“The hands you feel are my assistant who is assigned specifically to your care. Get used to them as they will be one set of many hands that will be touching you,” the voice droned on. Nothing helpful except that in this state I controlled nothing, not even my own bowels.

The warm hands seemed to position something under me. I wish they would let me see! The fact that they controlled so much terrified me. If I could just see then maybe I could asses things and formulate a plan. Maybe that’s why they took so much, to keep me fully dependent on them….

“The plug will be removed so the liquid can be expelled now, you will remain in position until all of the liquid expels and you are fully clean,” although it was made to sound male, it sounded like a poor imitation.

The warm hands made the plug smaller and a sudden urge to excrete hit me. I could not fight it. My body pushed at the plug as those hands removed it with a rush of liquid that I heard dripping into something. This was so humiliating that someone else controlled this aspect. That other people were actually watching it made it even worse. If I could have blushed I would have. I wanted to let them know somehow that I really needed to urinate, so badly that the pressure was overwhelming.

“You will now feel hands on your clitoris. It will allow you to urinate. This will be done several times daily,” the voice explained. I felt the hands touch me, then do something and suddenly the urine just left me. The relief was welcome.

The urinating had briefly taken my mind off the act that I was dripping excrement into something that I could not see, or oddly could not smell. It seemed a strange thing not to even smell what I was doing. I wanted to move, to stretch my limbs and figure out what was wrong with my arms. They seemed to be pinned behind me.

“You will not have vision today Lucy. I will talk to you and explain some of the changes you have been graced with, but it will be some time before we allow you to see yourself. We do not want the shock to overcome you,” the voice said in that hateful monotone, metallic sound. The hands disconnected whatever they had hooked me to for urinating and it was a strange sensation.

I tugged at my arms but no amount of attempted movement seemed to budge me even a centimeter. I was held tightly. Something also seemed to be wrong with my fingers something terribly wrong. I tried to recall the video they had made me watch and wondered what I had been turned into.

“You will find the modifications we have made to you have turned you into the perfect toy,” the voice kept on. “I hope you remember what you watched because it shall be very important in helping you visualize the changes made to you, Lucy,” the voice spoke. It kept calling me Lucy but my name is Faith. The man had said they would change my name, but why? I did not want these alterations and would most certainly find a way to fix all of this.

“First, you should know, the changes we have made a permanent Lucy. They can never be undone. Once you accept this then adjusting will be so much simpler,” it said and my heart sank. Just what HAD they done to me? “First we removed you skin and replaced it with a breathable sort of latex. It makes keeping you clean so much easier for the staff.”

That’s why my skin felt odd, I thought. It felt foreign, not like my own. It felt like I was wearing something.

“The new skin can bruise and heal just like your own skin. It is truly quite amazing to behold and you will see it soon. The next thing we did was remove your fingers. No chance of escaping that way, and since we chose you to be a cat type toy, we turned your hands into paws.”

They took my fingers off? How could they???? How could I help myself without my hands or fingers??? I tried to scream but not even a peep came out. Why couldn’t I scream? Why couldn’t I make so much as a peep? I tried to calm myself to hear what else the voice might tell me.

“We also removed your vocal chords. You will never utter another sound as long as you live. This was so we could modify your throat so that you could breathe and service at the same time,” the voice informed me.

What the hell did “service” mean? Why take my voice? That can never be replaced! The idea that I would never speak again upset me but I tried to focus.

“Tubes have been inserted into your nostrils that extend all the way into your lungs. No matter what we place into your throat you will be able to breathe. It will take you much time to learn how to do this without panicking though,” the monotone voice explained. “We made a sort of partition that blocked the two openings off from each other. So where there used to be one opening to handle both systems, now there are two.”

“Next, the lens of your eyes were removed and replaced with an artificial one. The iris acts like that of a cat eye and we can enlarge it or shrink it as we see fit. You have no control over your vision. You see what we permit you to and nothing more,” the voice began to sound like a boring college instructor delivering a lecture. “We also removed your tear ducts. You will never shed another tear as long as you live.”

That would explain why I could not see at the moment. I wondered when they would permit me to see again, and what I would see. What he was describing was not an image I wanted to see reflected in the mirror. I tried to flex my fingers and my heart flip flopped when I remembered that I didn’t have them anymore. The phantom ache was consuming reminding me of what they hand taken from me.

“You ears have been removed to give your head a beautiful round appearance. The shape of your head is perfect and cat ears have been implanted in the proper placement. One day you will find you can control their movement somewhat,” the voice went on. “Inside of your ear canal we have implanted a receiver. It is what you hear me on right now. It is deep within your eardrum and the canal itself has been permanently sealed shut. You will never again hear an outside noise.”

The voice was quiet for a moment and I tired to wrap my head around the idea that this horrid computer sound was the only sound I would ever hear again. Could something like that be undone I wondered as I concentrated on every inch of my body trying to imagine what these changes might look like. Cat like eyes, tubes in my nose, perfectly round lips from the feel of it. An image popped into my head, one I refused to accept but a dark part of me told me it might just be what happened. Had they turned me into a sex doll?

“You can feel the gag within your mouth. Your lips have been enhanced and a ring sewn into them that locks any gag or toy in place so you can never spit it out. We can adjust this ring to be larger or smaller as we see fit. Your teeth were also removed and replaced with a soft rubbery set that will keep your jawline the same way real teeth do. It would not do for your face to pucker from the lack of teeth,” the voice continued. I ran my tongue across the so called teeth and realized they had been completely implanted into my gums. My own beautiful teeth that I had cared for all of my life were simply gone. I could not even bite these people. My hatred of them began to build as I continued to listen to everything the voice told me.

“Around your neck you feel a steel collar. It has been welded in place and has a small explosive. Should you ever try to leave this compound without the remote being deactivated, it has enough of a charge to decapitate you,” the voice said it that no emotion, monotone drawl. My heart nearly stopped. Every idea I had about escaping began to disappear. “There are also tiny explosives in the artificial lens in your eyes. Should you ever try to escape we will activate those and you will be permanently blinded.”

I was blind now, what more could they do to me? Kill me? I was beginning to think it would be an improvement to the horror this voice was describing to me. I hated what they had done, wanted my self back, wanted free of this terrible place. I wanted to bring law enforcement and put them all in prison, or kill them.

“You breasts have been enlarger, not by much, but enough to give them better lift. The nipples have been double pierced and you should be able to feel we have a rod that runs through both nipples and is attached to your collar. Every breath you take is designed to sexually stimulate you,” the voice explained. My thoughts turned to my breasts, even those were no longer my own.

“Your arms are secured behind you. Should you prove to be a good kitty then we will give you use of them in the future. If you prove to be a bad kitty then they will forever be behind you as they are now. This way you know you have them, but also know you will never use them again,” the male voice sounded so cold and uncaring as it detailed these detested changes.

I tugged at my arms but they would not budge. I could feel that my hands felt so different. Even if my arms were free what could I do? They took my fingers and from the feel of it they took them all the way to the palms.

“You can feel that your fingers are gone, in their place at the stump area we have put false tips so that your hands now appear to be cat paws. Useless for anything but what we have designed you for,” it droned on.

I wanted to break free and run away, not even caring about the so called explosive that would kill me. KILL ME NOW I did not want this!

“You have already experienced the toys within you and you are already aware that you cannot remove them. All three of your holes will be filled at all times and are totally in our control,” it said and suddenly the dildo within my vagina began fucking me slowly. I tried to squirm away but movement was impossible.

“Your feet were modified so that later you will be fitted for ballet boots. Your calves are not yet strong enough for that severe of a heel so we currently have you in training heels,” the voice continued. “Your toes have been removed and a portion of the foot itself has been slimmed down. This has been done to shape your foot to a ballet heel so that you will be graceful when that time comes.”

I tried to kick my feet but I was securely held at the ankles. I rocked them back and forth and could finally feel the difference in them. I would never walk without shoes again. I loved going barefoot and they had stolen that from me! How could I ever walk barefoot again without my beautiful toes?

“Now, the anal plug will be replaced and we will put you back into a laying position. I wanted to clench my ass tight and not permit entry. I tried but those hands simply turned something and the plug went right in. If I could have screamed, groaned, cursed or made any sound of protest I would have. But without vocal chords, nothing came out.

“You will try to rest as we play you pre recorded sessions that will prepare you for your future. Think of it like a good vacation and an audio book. We all need rest and time to recharge. This is being forced upon you and the fact that we know you hate it pleases us even more,” the voice admitted. “Some of the subjects we modify we erase them, but you we left intact because some of our clients like it when the subject isn’t completely willing.”

So, I will forever be a prisoner within my own body without the means to help myself or even protest anything they plan to do to me. The contraption moved and I was laying down again. I wish I could squirm like I did in my own bed, just at bare minimum get comfortable while I try to learn something that might help me escape this living hell.

“You will feel the gag expand as we deliver your food. Your food will consist of a perfectly measured amount of a special liquid, a shake of sorts, with every nutrient you will ever need. You will likely not even taste it so you should not worry about the repulsive flavor,” the voice explained. The gag began to inflate and I pushed at it with my tongue, not wanting to cooperate with them in any manner. I could not even refuse nourishment!!!!

“If you disobey we could feed you dog shit and there is nothing you could do to stop us,” the voice threatened. The idea of eating something so disgusting would have made me vomit, and although I wanted to I found I could not even wretch.

“You gag reflex has also been removed and we did a procedure that makes it impossible for you to vomit as well,” the voice verbalized what I had already suspected. The liquid touched my tongue and I wanted to vomit. I wanted to choke on my vomit and die right there but I couldn’t even do that much. The liquid flowed easily right down my throat as I was able to breathe while this happened. It was a very weird sensation to breathe and swallow at the same time.

“You see, simply receiving your nourishment also teaches you how you will eventually be servicing others. You will never know what we might put into your mouth, but you see, you can easily breathe no matter what we do in your mouth,” the voice, if it had emotion, would likely have sounded like it was bragging and proud.

The gag inflated fully and stuffed my mouth, smashing my tongue to the bottom of my mouth as the liquid poured down my throat. I didn’t want it, but couldn’t stop it. I tried to imagine it was real food, something that tasted like strawberries, but it didn’t work. The repulsive taste remained on my tongue and in my mouth long after the liquid stopped flowing.

“The toys will now be activated as you lie in rest listening to your lessons,” the voice informed me. Each toy began expanding within me to my horror. The dildo in my pussy began fucking me harder and the anal plug vibrated softly within me.

The gag also began fucking my mouth and I tried to struggle, tried to resist but my body betrayed me yet again. Each breath pulled at the nipple piercings and each stroke of the toy brought the orgasm closer no matter how hard I fought it. The smaller orgasms began rippling through me before the large one rocked my entire body. I tried to lurch against the straps to no avail and my body collapsed within my bonds, but the toys kept going…..

Each day has been the same. I cannot keep track of time anymore, not even hours or minutes. The routine has become so mundane that even the orgasms I have come to hate. My own body betraying me so when I want to hate what is being done and my body enjoying it so. Will I ever be able to stop this and return to normal life? Will I ever want to when they are finished with me?

It all seems so distant and unreachable right now that all I can think about is fighting off the never ending sensations they subject me to. I never knew that so much could be done to the body that would drive it into a constant state of pleasure…..

I never knew that my own body would enjoy such things. Not even in my darkest fantasies….What I am learning about myself terrifies me.

Until next time dear diary…..