D/s Explained..

We have to step aside from the Christian Grey, the " I own you" thing. Anyone who knows me knows I hate those books. It demeans the relationship between a Dom and a sub. It is abusive, unhealthy and quite frankly the worst conception of D/s.

The value of the relationship is not about who has control of what. It is a loving relationship that really defies all explaination. It's not about control or power. It is about trust and care. Those are the fundamentals not sex. The sex is just an expression of the realtionship.

I have through my adult life seen every version of it out there in some form or another. So frequently it is associated with abuse...True D/s has no room for that. I didn't have a trauma history when I discovered I was sub. Average everyday person always on top of everything woman, whose family life was a little crazy - and whose isn't. No abuse from the parents significant enough that it really did anything to me. No abusive boyfriend, no fantasy of violence nothing like that.

Years ago I coined the term SubMD - a woman who read 50 shades of Grey and thought Christian Grey was a hero. He isn't, he is psycho with money. If he wasn't rich he would be a serial killer or rapist living in a trailer. He really is not anything close to Dom.

Sub for Kink was coined from the women who thought submission sounded good in theory, but couldn't grasp the concept of the strength it takes and really just thought whips and chains were fun to think about but would more likely yell at their husband in public, berate him to all her friends, and who really needed martial counseling more than kinky sex, but neither were going to fix her.

Then there is the elusive natural submissive, a rarity so rare I have actually not ever met another one. It was the best way I could explain me or could anyone else. It is just who you are. It has nothing to do with job title it's literally embedded in her DNA, and soul. There are many views on what it it really is, but the healthiest version really is just her- it is how she is, untouched by the world. This woman is the unicorn submissive.

Enter the Dominant. Everyone wants to put a "label" to a specific type..It's not about how you have to be just one.

Daddy vs Sadist vs Whatever..

That's not really the point. I might indicate some leanings towards play preference but it doesn't explain what a Dominant is.

The best men I knew would never classify themselves as Dom. They just were these amazing men, so many in helping professions, in public service who had the ability to soothe the emotional storm, and were so kind and caring. I never had to see their professional side because they and I were in the same area of professions. They often are undervalued, at work and at home. They crave not the power of domination like a brutal lord, but are very rarely recognized and aren't trying to be but they crave that adoration that only a submissive can give.

These men are rare jewels, whose light shines but they often work themselves to death, to fill the personal void. They take from their jobs the emotional fulfillment they are missing in their personal lives. Regardless of the kink, they are supportive and enjoy seeing their submissive grow and become the best version of herself. They do not seek out the weak women to dominant, it does nothing for them because a weak submissive will kneel for anyone, the strong woman who does not kneel for the world is their fantasy when she kneels for Him. He has not conquered her or forced her into submission, but nurtured her spirit and watched her blossom.

He is never above her. He is never more powerful, the submissive in fact always has the power, because only she can give him the gift of submission and she can take it away. Her need for Him is a powerful aphrodisiac that He can not resist, because their is nothing more alluring than a woman who can, coming to him for his advice. He calms her chaos, He lets her be who she is. It is a symbiosis of sorts, a fluidity of trust and love.

He is her White Knight, and she is his Queen. Hurt His Queen, and there is no wrath more primal. She is sacred to him. Hurt her Dom, and you never know that a sweet bundle of woman could be so vicious. Her loyalty runs deep, she is the keeper of His heart and His secrets. Test her , break her loyalty and their is not a likely chance you will ever recover from it. She doesn't forget when He makes himself the enemy or someone else goes after Him.

True subs are not much a danger physically (unless they are in law enforcement and then they have no issue holding their own) but their brains are the downfall of most men. They forget nothing, they are always on their A Game and they will find any weakness you have and exploit it if it means protecting themselves or their Dom. This extends to children and animals, hurt a child or an animal and you will never be safe. We consider them an extension of ourselves, not because they are weaker but because they can not protect themselves, so we are always their protectors. You will see us become cold and calculating in the defense of them and our Dom. On the flip side- anyone but a kid or an animal offends us and we will never stop seeking justice.

The moment one of these women is willing to sacrifice a Dom, or former Dom he has violated every tenet she once knew of him. He has become the person who caused us the most pain, did not protect us in our time of need. It is not about vindication, for she will not seek to harm him, she always does the right thing, she just can't, but she will stop guarding his secrets-that is far more dangerous than anything she could ever do physically, and will start telling them. Once her trust and respect are lost.. she holds no allegiance to Him and she will not even allow her affection for him to cloud her judgement. A Dom who has pushed a submissive to the point she has no loyalty to him, has made the biggest mistake he ever could. She is your best friend or your worse enemy, and even your friends will turn on you when she reveals your mistakes, not because she is courting their favor, but a good man has no respect for a man who can hurt a woman, especially one as fair as her. She looks at her father with the same respect and love.

She has the most tender heart in the universe, she guards it fiercely for a reason, she is the champion of others, and lives for moments of light, they restore her. She also has a beautiful mind that can calculate exactly where to land the proverbial knife because she knows you better than you know you. She is not a victim, but she does not take well into being made into one. Lose her trust and you have lost her.

Tell her what to do, order her to do something- and she will never do it. When she acts or of love it it is not forced and nothing can force her to do anything. Lie to her, about her, punish her without reason and she will turn from your submissive into the the strong woman you once thought conquering would be so fulfilling as your adversary. That will throw you for a loop and a half, because once the walls go up, nothing you can do but sacrifice yourself will be enough.

Hurt her friends, people she cares for and hell hath no fury like a pissed off submissive. Their will not be bloodshed, but she will light the match on everything you hold dear emotionally, not cars or buildings but your ego and your reputation, it is much more satisfying to see you destroyed in the eyes of those that put you on a pedestal, and when you fall she will be there to remind you why it happened.

Stay tuned for Part Two ...