'But I Got Some Booty Though!'

Imagine this: It’s the annual family reunion weekend and family members are showing up at your house. Because you have a pool, this part of the reunion is mostly for the kids, so the kids are EVERYWHERE! Your partner is outside preparing the grill, you are running around your house non-stop, making sure everything is in place, and the kids are running around screaming their heads off. As the doorbell rings for the five thousandth time, you think to yourself, “Why did I volunteer to have the kids’ pool party at my house?” *SIGH* You put on your best hostess face and welcome your family into your home, show them where to put their things, head out to the pool, and have fun. As the family members and kids are heading upstairs to change, you feel your partner come up behind you, grab a huge handful of your ass, and whisper in your ear,

“I need to have some fun too…”

You whip around and realize that his dick is struggling to get out of his pants to attend the pool party. “Right now?! With all these people here AND all these kids?! Can’t this wait until tonight?” you plead.

“I just need five minutes,” he says, seduction oozing from his pores.

“You smell like grill smoke,” you say, conceding to his request.

“Cause I’ll be barbequing that pussy,” he smirks.

“You have FIVE MINUTES!”

“That’s all I need!”

He looks around trying to find a quick place to “barbecue your pussy” and eyes the pantry. He grabs you by the arm, quickly pulls you into the pantry, and quietly shuts the door. You look at your watch and remind him that he has exactly five minutes… STARTING NOW! As you both quickly pull down your shorts and underwear, you can hear the melee of the reunion right outside of the pantry door; patio door opening and closing, ice clinking from the ice maker into cups, and, again… kids running around screaming their heads off.

Standing behind you, he slowly inserts himself into you as you sigh a breath of ecstasy from the much-needed break (and sexual release) from the stress of the hustle and bustle of the reunion shenanigans… and all those damn kids. He starts to pump faster as you steady yourself with the canned good shelf.

“Mmmm… this feels so good, but you only have two minutes left so you better cum quick.”

“I know,” he pants and immediately releases himself inside of you.

You both quickly pull up your clothes, give each other the once-over, and exit the pantry one by one as to not look suspicious. As soon as you exit, your daughter runs up to you asking for a hot dog. A little more relaxed, you smile thinking to yourself, “…at least I got some dick, though!” And, with a little more pep in your step, you go back to prepare her hot dog… and to the reunion.

End of an Era?

Okay… maybe you might not get a quick nooner in at your kid-friendly family reunion, but the real focus of that fantasy was the fact that her partner wanted to be spontaneous and get a “quickie” in during the day with all the kids around and she wanted to wait until everyone had gone to bed. We all know that the reality is that once kids enter the picture, life changes drastically, but most people include their sex life in that drastic change; that physical intimacy should only occur at night. I hypothesize that it doesn’t have to. *WINK* Let me be clear, I’m not judging anyone who holds that philosophy, but I ask these questions for those “only at night” people to ponder: what if you or your partner are tired? What if night time is not an option because of conflicting schedules? What if the ONLY time you and your partner are alone is during the day when the “mini dictator(s)” are at school? What if…

Having kids in your life is most certainly a blessing, but I think it should not be the end of a fantastic, mind-blowing sex life. Now is the time to be creative and find new ways to have those amazing and incredible experiences that you had BEFORE the mini dictator(s) came along for the ride. Hell, if you have kids, sex is probably one of the things that is providing you some relief from the daily stressors of football practice, soccer practice, swim lessons, making dinner, washing clothes, cleaning the house, AND… maintaining a 40+ hour a week job (if you work outside of the home). You NEED sex/an orgasm just to not end up in jail! *SMILE*

Real Talk: The Question

To be able to get a different perspective, I decided to ask a few people their views on having sex with kids in the home. I wanted to know if parents viewed having sex with kids at home had disrupted their once free and fancy sex life or had it not been disturbed, and their fabulous sex life was maintained or even made better! The question I asked was: How do you manage to have sex with children in the house? *Note: I didn’t put any parameters on the question because I wanted to know exactly how people interpreted the question. Here’s what I found out:

Real Talk: The Responses

Most people felt that the easiest way to have sex with kids in the house was to wait until they were asleep, which is what I expected. Having a mini dictator myself, this is somewhat understandable. Again, no judgment here. However, innovation can be the “hallmark” of having a wonderful sex life with kids. One person said,“...with a lot of creativity and determination, it can be done… [for example] when you have a tribe of five like I do, get the older ones to watch the younger ones, tell them you both are tired, need a nap, and actually GET BUSY!” – A.M.

This is a great suggestion for those with multiple mini dictators. I really like the fact that this person suggested utilizing the older kids in the family to watch the younger ones. This kills two birds with one stone: 1.) Allows the parents to “get some booty!” *LOL* 2.) Allows the kids to spend time together and develop their bonds as siblings. Even if it is for a few precious minutes.

Another suggestion that was offered was to “sneak it in,” especially if you have small children. My partner and I are not new to this one. Having conflicting schedules (he works nights, I work days) often makes it difficult to have sex at night because one of us is sleeping. This is where being stealthy come in to play. Because we only have one bathroom in our home, it is not uncommon for all of us or two of us to be in the bathroom at the same time (we like to be cozy). However, there was a time in which my partner and I had to sneak into the bathroom, shut the door, and pretend we were doing our usual grooming routines for five minutes… until our mini dictator knocked on the door and said he had to use the bathroom. *LOL* But right before my partner opened the door, he looked at me and said, “I still got some booty though…even though I didn’t get my full five minutes!” *SMILE*

One last suggestion (and one I hadn’t expected) was to masturbate when the kids were asleep; day or night. While it may not be between two people, it does involve attempting to gain some sexual satisfaction after having kids. This person stated,

“…I masturbate after the kids go to sleep. I try to “get one off” during the day if I can, but sometimes that’s difficult with all the things that must be done during the day. Either way, when I cum after masturbation, I can deal with the kids during the day, and I am able to get a peaceful night’s sleep.” – S.W.

Masturbation is such a wonderful thing! I always say that it can cure the world, but I digress; I will not go into depth about masturbation here–that’s another post for another time. *WINK* But, as we can see, it is another avenue for those “at night only” folks who are looking for alternatives with kids in the house. *SMILE*

Chapter 7: “Sex After Kids”

My life changed when my child came into my life (see the blog post entitled "I Want to Have a Baby, But...") … and so did my sex life. I can remember us trying to figure out how to be discreet and keep fire and ingenuity in our bedroom. Before the kid, it was the living room, kitchen, stairs… you get the picture. But after the kid, it was nighttime ONLY… and in the bedroom (*BORING*). Honestly, this did put a slight damper on our sex life. Until we figured out that we didn’t have to necessarily stay in the bedroom. As mentioned before, with a little creativity (and determination), we were able to “have fun” like we did before the mini dictator came along… and, honestly, it has increased the intimacy between us. *SMILE*

Again, let me remind you that I am not judging anyone who is comfortable with being intimate with their partner at night. If it works for you, then work it! *SMILE* What I am offering, are suggestions other than “night time only” sex; the “parenting manual” does not come with a “Chapter 7: Sex After Kids.” (God, I wish someone would write that book!!) My hope is that in your world of family reunions, ballet classes, band practices, etc, etc., etc., these suggestions or through your continued “nighttime only sex” that you and your partner will be able to say or continue to say, “…but I got some booty though!”