Best Laid Plans: A comprehensive Guide to A Successful Date

BEST LAID PLANS

NOTE: This expansion of Best Laid Plans is merely fabricated . There is no such book or author to my knowledge.

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Best Laid Plans: A nonfiction book by Ben N. Dunne outlining a list of step by step scenarios to be followed by those hoping to successfully culminate a sexual encounter with a willing partner {generally, but not necessarily, of the opposite sex}. Alternate title: Woo and Screw. NOTE: The main target demographic of “Best Laid Plans” is men approximately 20 to 50 years of age.

Following is a condensed encapsulated excerpt from ‘Best Laid Plans’:

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Plan 1: Hook up a Pro: (Key Words: Go Pro; No Tell Motel; Suck for a Buck)

Offer a substantial amount of money to a prostitute

Take her somewhere isolated or to a hotel/motel (preferably with an hourly rate)

Have your way {AKA “Get your rocks off”}.

Return your partner from whence she came

Remember: Do not actually pay for any services until AFTER they have been rendered.

NOTE: Plan 1 is not for those who are overly concerned with either the identity of, or the moral standards of, their prospective partner.

SUBNOTE: While it is always a good idea to utilize condoms when engaging in sexual activity it is especially imperative when implementing Plan 1 as the majority of prostitutes are not known to submit their partners to pre-coital health screenings. PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX.

Plan 2: The Expensive Date: (Key Words: Classy Partner; High Budget)

1. Pick up your prospective conquest… date … on time and in an expensive sports car. The gifting of flowers is generally encouraged (unless your date has floral allergies of which you are aware).

If you do not have a sports car any reasonably fashionable expensive car or sport utility vehicle will do. Pick-up trucks are discouraged as a means of transportation when first taking out a ‘woman of class.’

A. Ensure there is a small blanket or large beach type towel in the trunk or back seat

2. Take her to a popular high-end restaurant and allow her to order whatever she wants.

A. Keep up a light banter throughout the meal

B. Maintain regular eye contact with only the occasionally perusal of your prospective partner’s physical attributes. (i.e. Look her in the eye most of the time rather than continually staring at her breasts or other anatomical features; however, ensure she occasionally catches your vision ‘straying’ so she is aware of your interest/attraction.

C. Discuss her likes and dislikes with only occasional references to yourself.

Allow her choice of subjects to steer the conversation

AVOID talking about (and/or comparing her to) your ex girlfriends

NEVER tell her she reminds you of your mother

C. Ensure the dinner drinks are of midlevel alcohol content.

Wine or champagne is generally a good choice to accompany dinner

If one is not familiar with wines the wait staff at most good restaurants are happy to suggest an appropriate drink selection. Do not be embarrassed to take such a suggestion. Willingness to accept suggestions of such a type shows quiet confidence.

3. After dinner pay the entire check. DO NOT split the tab with your date.

4. Take her to a popular night club.

A. Continue to slowly supply your prospective conquest with drinks of midlevel alcohol content.

NOTE: Monitor your date’s alcohol intake… You want her slightly tipsy but getting her stumbling drunk is not advised

B. Pay attention to your date – do not neglect her for any acquaintances or friends who may show up. Let her know your attention is on her. Definitely DO NOT ogle any other women while at the club no matter how attractive.

C. Be sure to ask her to the floor for at least two slow dances

5. Upon departing the club invite her for a walk on the beach. For inland areas a lake will work in a pinch

A. Take her to a deserted stretch of shore.

Without undue fanfare retrieve the blanket or towel and carry it with you.

While walking reach out and gently take her hand in your free one. Stroll ‘hand in hand’ along the edge of the water with fingers entwined.

Occasionally rub your thumb in small circles in the center of her hand as you hold it.

After a few minutes of walking stop and “Admire the Moon”

NOTE: If the moon is not visible one can look at the clouds or comment on the beauty of the water… etc.

B.Suggest the two of you “kick off your shoes.”

Carrying your shoes in one hand, retake your dates free hand and walk along the shore for another two to four minutes before stopping once more

NOTE: This step will necessitate placing the blanket/towel over one forearm in order to facilitate ease of carrying your shoes.

This second stop should be in an isolated location away from possible prying eyes. Privacy is a MUST (unless certain your date is an exhibitionist…).

C. Set the blanket/towel aside. A handy tree or plant is a good place to set it. If none are available, drop it lightly to the ground nearby. Do not throw it down.

D. Place both arms around her waist. Look her in the eyes for approximately ten seconds. Tell her you find her extremely attractive and sexy

E. If she does not pull back or object, kiss her on the lips

Should she part her lips during this kiss then engage in a “French Kiss” utilizing only light tongue penetration - don’t get forceful at this stage.

Break the kiss after twenty to thirty seconds and ask her if she is as turned on as you are.

F. Affect a slightly breathless tone when saying “Are you as turned on as I am?”

Note: Hopefuly ‘Yes’ will be the response. If not, scratch the rest of the plan, return to the car, and take her home.

G. Referring to previous: If she answers “Yes” begin lightly stroking her body in increasingly intimate areas while maintaining eye contact.

Generally this should begin with both hands in the center of her back, progressing down to a light rub over her derriere, and back up to a feather stroke along the forearms.

NOTE: If the forearms get goose-pimples at this point that is a very positive sign .

H. While gently holding your partners forearms engage in a second kiss. Slightly more tongue is advisable but don’t be “sloppy.” During this second kiss, a surreptitious brush of a palm over a hopefully erectly taut nipple will usually bring desirable results.

I. Remove her shirt and bra.

If the shirt is a button up then gently - using only one hand if dexterous enough and two if not - undo the buttons one at a time.

When all buttons are undone carefully slide the garment off her shoulders.

A. A light brush of fingers and possibly lips along the hollow of her throat while slipping off the shirt is encouraged.

B If the shirt is a pullover then gently grasp it at the bottom seam with both hands and slowly pull it up and over.

C. Allow the fingers to gently glide along the sides of her ribcage while raising the garment. Be careful not to snag any jewelry such as earrings or necklaces .

D. Upon removal of the garment gently smooth her hair back into place while lightly stroking the hollow of her throat.

E. While maintaining an easy eye contact slide both hands around to where your fingers meet in the small of her back

F. Move your fingers up slowly while just tracing their tips along the skin of her spine.

G. Upon reaching the brassiere clasp carefully disengage it. Use of two hands when undoing the bra is acceptable.

H. Slide the garment forward and off while allowing fingers to trace a feather light touch along her skin. A gentle caress along the underside of her breasts as your hands pass is allowable.

I. Carefully set the discarded clothing aside. Avoid damage to her clothing.

J. Engage in another kiss. During this kiss allow your tongue to gently glide around inside your partners mouth and entwine with hers.

NOTE: Without being actually rough it is okay to be slightly more forceful during this kiss to communicate the depth of your desire. You may want to clasp her behind the back and pull her more tautly against you. {It’s okay for her to feel the pressure of your aroused penis pulsing against her body at this time even though it is still covered}

Upon breaking this kiss at your leisure, lightly caress and suckle her breasts.

Alternate gently stroking her aureoles with a medium hard grip on the underside of a breast. Occasionally use a hand to lift one breast in order to stroke it gently with your tongue.

NOTE: The tip of a tongue just grazing the hardened tip of an aroused nipple is generally a good turn on as is a gentle “suckling” BUT for most women “slobbering all over their tits” is not. BE NEAT.

NOTE: The emitting of light moans by your date during this step is taken to be a positive sign of her sexual arousal. Do not let such sounds worry you.

By this time (if she has not already) your date should either begin to attempt removing your shirt herself OR she may ask you to take off your shirt.

Barring any unforeseen stupidity or possible interruptions YOU ARE NOW FREE TO THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND, GET NAKED, AND ACTIVELY ENGAGE IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. BEACHHEAD.* may even be possible.

Spread out your blanket or towel prior to laying down: Sand in inappropriate places is NOT a turn on and can lead to unfortunate consequences.

**NOTE** Guys… be aware that women enjoy oral sex as much or more than men, so don’t be afraid to dive right in. Perform said cunnilingus gently and thoroughly paying close attention to the clitoris throughout. Women are perfectly capable of achieving orgasm via oral sex… So, blow her mind with your tongue technique while alternating strokes and kisses on other parts of her anatomy as well. Make it a full body experience.

LADIES: Be aware that if oral sex is received, it should be reciprocated for maximum mutual enjoyment.

HOWEVER; guys please be aware that many persons are not comfortable with performing the act of fellatio so, be understanding. Accept your partners boundaries and continue to enjoy the overall experience of mutually satisfying each other. Intercourse, with plenty of fore/side play is still extremely satisfying even without getting your penis sucked.

**NOTE** Please see “Plan 69: Oral - Simultaneous or Separate” for suggestions on positions best suited to the maximum enjoyment of oral sex.

***NOTE***: If at ANY TIME during the course of following the plan your prospective partner objects you should immediately desist in your actions, apologize nicely for any offense, and take her home.

Plan 2 is, of course, dependent on the weather as well as a number of other factors. Inclement weather plans for alternate locations are available in ‘Best Laid Plans’ as well as many other factor dependent scenarios. While the target demographic, as previously noted, is mainly younger males, Best Laid Plans is intended to be as all-encompassing as possible. The book includes plans/scenarios based on age, income level, likes and dislikes, etc. Please peruse the table of contents and check out the scenarios best suited to your particular situation. An index is also available at the back of the book to allow for easy searches based on key words & phrases.

Please note that the author and publishers first and foremost stress the Practice of SAFE SEX. Secondly, be it noted that while the book is geared towards male/female relationships it is adaptable for those of other preferences or lifestyles.

Be sure to check out Plan 27: Make Out Like a Bandit. This plan is geared towards couples who enjoy role-playing. Note: Plan 27 is generally for those couples who have a more established relationship and have built up a certain level of mutual trust. Plan 27 is not intended for implementation by newer couples who don’t yet know each other very well.

Check with your local bookstores to determine where copies are available in your area. Best Laid Plans, by Ben N. Dunne, is generally shelved under the “Self Help” section.

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* Beachhead: The act of performing (or receiving) fellatio at the beach

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Below is an erotic poetic rendition of what the male hopes to experience at the denouement of said “Successful Date.” It is pure smut from the male viewpoint.

A female friend of mine wrote a poem .. I Must Have Him. She asked about me doing something similar from the male perspective. Wanton is the product of that union of minds and melding of literary bodies. It is explicitly sexual in nature so.. you are forewarned.

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WANTON:

Drinking in the sight of her

I know that she is mine

Luscious curves

Taut breasts

Flaring hips

Her brazen femininity assaulting my senses

I must have her

Nipples strain against silk

Sliding, teasing, hardening

The points like diamonds

I raise my hand

Stroke the smoothness of her hip

Right at the curve

Her creamy skin so supple, soft, inviting

She leans back against me

Silken auburn hair cascades

Tickling my chest

Causing warmth to flush my system

My manhood awakens

Straining against cotton cage

Lowering my head, I bury my nose in her tresses

My hands glide along smooth perfection

Fingers meeting on her abdomen

Playfully tickling at her belly button

One hand glides upward

Sliding neath silken negligee

There, the fullness of her breast

Heavy in my hand

Thumb and finger lightly tease the bumps

And whorls of aureoles

A gasp escapes her lips

I pull her back into me

She fits perfectly

My shaft presses into the small of her back

Just above the swell of her buttocks

Each teasing moan escaping her moist lips

Causes an ache in my soul

No other so perfect

So beautiful

I must have her

My body strains

Blood pumps to extremities

Cupping one perfect globe

Tip hardened to a point

Circle the pad of a finger lightly

So lightly

Just on the very tip

Her arm reaches up

Hand cups the back of my neck

Pulling me down

“Yes,” she whispers

“I want you”

I must have her

My other hand trails down

Stroking, loving, tickling on it’s path

There the slight resistance of her filmy panties

Gliding under, fingers search the triangle

Of her center

My lips move to nuzzle her neckline

Her graceful, back arches

Exposing her throat to my ministrations

Her pulse vibrates against my lips

Gently I suckle in the cusp between shoulder and throat

Shorter hairs graze my palm as I slide it lower

Finger slips into warm dampness

My lips glide downward

Finger glides over tiny hardness at the top of her opening

Circling, probing, teasing

A gasp as I stroke her pleasure point

Spread wide, my hand cups her in the heart of her womanhood

Sliding sensually over her

Soft fleshy lips part

Finger slides inside

Slowly

Slipping into her folds

Hot

Wet

Female

I must have her

Her perfect bottom

Fully fleshed

Pushes into my thighs

My shaft throbs with pained longing

Begging to be set free

Her fingers slide between us

Seeking

Grazing

Stroking

I moan in pleasure

I must have her

Sliding her hand down she cups me

Fingers clutch me through the cotton

Thumb catches the waistband of my briefs

Pulls downward

The tip of me tastes the air

Jerks in anticipation

Liquid seeps from me

As it does from her

Slightly sticky, just coating her finger

As it circles the head of me

I groan in pleasure

My knees lock to keep me from buckling

Nail just so softly slips over the very tip

I gasp at pleasurable pain

My finger slides deeper into her fiery wetness

The bud at the top being stroked with each

In and out thrust of my digits

I must have her

She turns

My fingers slide from within her

Aching to return to her warmth

I pull up the thin material covering her breasts

She raises her upper body

Her arms raise

I pull the filmy negligee off

Tossing aside the thin material I gaze in rapture

Her beauty stunning

Sucking a breast into my mouth

My tongue and teeth teasing her sensitive mounds

“Yes,” she moans, stroking the back of my head

Holding me, forcing me to suckle her

Raising her head, she looks into my eyes

Lips, full, parted, wet

Tongue slips out

Performs a sensual circle around her lips

I bend down

Cupping her taut fleshy perfect bottom

Lips meet

Fire

Lust

My tongue probes at her lips

Slips inside

Dancing with hers

I must have her

Moving my hands to the perfect curves of her hips

I lift

Pulling her from her feet

Legs, strong, lithe, womanly

Encircle my waist

Sliding downward from where suspended

Her center rubs against my hardness

I must have her

Turning, I step to the bed

Carefully, I lay her on the silken coverlet

Panties damp with juices

Eyes closed

Breasts rising and falling with each breath

Lowering to my knees on the plush carpet

I grasp the silk and lace covering what I need

What I must have

What every aching inch of my body NEEDS

My lips meet her flesh

Tongue probing at the indent in her abdomen

Fingers glide panties down

As she lifts her thighs to allow me this

My head lowers

Tongue leaving burning traces on her skin

She groans

Fingers push at my hair

“Please,” she begs

“Go lower”

My tongue glides in small circles

Tasting the sweat of her need

Fingers spread her center as my mouth reaches her

I lick at the small hard spot

Her thighs tense against me before opening wide

Inviting me to do to her all that I want

Full access to her

Womanly juices fill my mouth

I lap greedily

Slipping the tip of my tongue as deep as it will go

She arches up to meet me

“Please, I want you” she moans

My hands stroke her thighs

She jerks as I run nails along the sensitive skin behind a knee

Gliding back up I grip her perfect buttocks

Pulling her upward

I thrust my tongue deep into her

Drinking her womanhood

Her nectar flooding my mouth

My manhood strains to be let loose

I must have her

“Yes,” she screams

Raising my eyes, I look deep into hers

Desire turns her skin a russet pink

Her cheeks flushed

Smoke in her eyes

Lust burning her flesh

I will have her

Standing, I drop my briefs

My shaft thrusts forward

Like a divining rod

Seeking moisture

Her eyes lock onto my hardness

Her tongue once again licks her lips

As she reaches out to grasp me

Pulling me toward her

Fingers encircle the girth of me

Gliding up and down

My skin slides with her fingers

Each stroke a burning pleasure

She cups my testicles

Kneading them gently

Needing me

Laying back she raises her legs

Speading, she displays herself

Open

Wanton

Needing

Desiring

Wet

Female

My manhood slips along the folds of her

Gliding over her

Tip meeting her small hard spot

Length of me masturbating her

She places a knuckle in her mouth

Biting at the bone

Pulling back, I place the tip at her secret entrance

Allowing just the tip to slip inside

“Please,” she begs

“Please. I need you. I want you in me.”

Her hips buck upward

Wanton moistness covers the tip of me

I have to have her NOW

I thrust

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