Awkward First Romance

Chapter 7: Alex

Dad left a few minutes ago. After he left I helped Jack set up his new room. I don’t want him to sleep in another room but given what almost happened earlier when I started crying. God, I can’t believe I did that. It’s not that I think crying makes you weak. It’s just I don’t like to be vulnerable like that. When you are it is so much easier to be hurt. Introverts seem unhappy but are sometimes the happiest of all. Extroverts are the same. We seem happy all the time but some of us have scars deep inside.

I’m not saying I’m the worst off because I’m not. My Dad loves me, I have a great best friend and I’m on track for a good life. It’s just I’ve had this emptiness in me for a while and I’ve always had Jack to be the filler but since my feelings for him began to develop just before summer, he has been filling the hole less and less. It isn’t his fault and it is by no means his responsibility to fill that hole but that is what is eroding at me every day.

If Jack stays in my presence, there is no telling what I might confess too. What if he ends up hating me? Jack is complex. He is open with me but that doesn’t mean I know what he is thinking all the time. Even now as he is sitting on his new bed taking selfies I haven’t a clue what is going on inside his head. He hates selfies. Jack thinks he is ugly and I honestly haven’t a clue why.

“Well, goodnight I guess.” I say as I go to the door of the room. Jack smiles at me. “Goodnight.” He says. I return the smile and head across the hall to my room. I close the door mostly and strip out my clothes except boxers. I turn my light off and get into bed. I pull the covers over myself and think. That’s all I can do as I lie there wishing my best friend were next to me. I can hear him watching something on his phone. Probably Hulu or something.

In truth it is early but I hoped to sleep my problem away. It seems though that my brain disagrees. I kick off my covers and hop out of bed. I leave my room and go across the hall. I knock on the door before walking in. Jack is in bed and pauses what he is watching. “Hey, what’s up?” He asks. “Do you mind if I sleep in here with you tonight? In the bed? I understand if you don’t want to . . . I just . . . I don’t know to be honest.” I’m an idiot. Jack gives me a curious look and puts his phone down on the nightstand. The phone screen shuts off so the room is completely dark except for some street lights leaking into the room.

I hear the blanket ruffle and Jack says to hop in. I walk to the bed and sit down on the edge. My heart is beating like crazy. I am so nervous. I swing my legs up and lay back. Jack lifts the covers and I scooch closer to him so I can be under the blanket with him. For the first time ever, he is only in his boxers. Damn. This is dangerous. I lay on my back and close my eyes to try and sleep but my heart won’t stop pounding in my chest.

I turn over and face Jack. I think he is staring at me. My eyes are adjusting and I can see his eyes faintly. “Is something wrong?” Jack asks me. I can feel my chest tighten. It’s now or never. I slide my hands around Jack. One under him and one over him, and I pull us closer together. I can tell he is confused. In truth, so am I. I slide my left hand up to the back of his head while my other hand rests on the base of his spine. I lightly pull his head towards mine and bring our lips together in a kiss.

I can feel him tense from my kiss and a part of me panics but after a moment he relaxes and his lips part. I slide my tongue in and devour his mouth. I am in pure ecstasy right now. He tastes so amazing! His lips are so soft and his tongue so smooth against mine. Jack’s hands go to my chest and glide over my skin. He slowly slides his hands off my chest and snakes them around my back. We get as close as possible and continue to kiss passionately. I am rock hard and I can feel Jack just as hard.

I want to focus on that so badly but I want to just enjoy the kissing first. I need him to help me know where we go with this. Jack pulls away and takes a breath. I take one as well but then go for another kiss. Jack stops me this time. “Alex . . . I’ve wanted this for so long. Is this real? Do you like me the way I like you?” He confesses. I can feel him tense. That must have taken a lot of courage.

I respond with a kiss to his lips. I don’t try to slide my tongue in or anything this time. I just press our lips together to convey my feelings. I pull away after a moment. “I don’t fully understand my feelings. I can’t say I’m gay. I just know you make me feel things, happy, love . . .” I get close to his ear. “ . . . turned on.” I whisper. I kiss the shell of his ear and kiss down to his cheek and then his neck. I kiss him along the nape of his neck before biting him a little roughly but not too bad. I don’t think he minds because a loud moan escapes him.

I glide my hands all around his body as we kiss. I feel a hand glide down to my boxers and pull them down. I am completely shocked by his assertive actions. I lift myself a little and let him slide them down further. As we keep kissing I slide his boxers down too. We part long enough to each pull our boxers off the rest of the way. I push Jack on his back and climb on top of him and capture his lips in another kiss.

I pull away and look at Jack. He smiles at me. “Jack I don’t know how far we are going . . . how far do you want to go?” I ask cautiously. Jack looks at me with want and desire. “I don’t think I want sex yet just because I think we need to talk about this but anything else I want.” He says. I smile and lean back down and attack his neck with kisses and bites. I have ZERO clue as to what I am doing, but I am just going to go with it.

I kiss Jack on the lips once more and then kiss a trail from his lips and down his body and all the way to his cock. I grab hold of his length and lick the head. I take the whole thing in my mouth. He lets out a moan as I take him fully in my mouth. I start to suck on him as if his cock was a blow pop. Jack’s hands shoot to my head and he holds me. He gasps and moans with every suck. I bob my head and lick his length as I go up and down.

I start feeling his abdomen and chest as I suck. Jack keeps moaning and yelling curses as he rakes his fingers through my hair. I pull up and focus on his head while moving my right hand to his cock and stroking with my sucking and licking. “Holy fuck! I am going to cum!” Jack screams. Within seconds I feel his hot juices pumping into my mouth. I have to admit the taste is not great. Lying porn. Still I swallow every bit of it.

I pull off after he finishes in my mouth. I go back up to him and kiss him on the lips. He returns the kiss and parts his lips so I can slide my tongue in. I don’t get to kiss him long before he pushes me away. “Ok, your turn. Put your knee on either side of my chest and lean forward. I’ll do the rest. Don’t be afraid to thrust it into my mouth.” Jack says. I am speechless. Those are not the words I expected. I am not objecting though.

I crawl over him and position my legs on either side of his chest. “Are you sure? Not to brag but I am kind of big.” I say. Jack smiles and answers by grabbing hold of my cock. He pulls just hard enough to make me lean forward. I put a hand on the wall for support and the other on the headboard. Jack has me in his mouth in seconds and I am overwhelmed with the warm pleasure. I let out a low moan as he sucks. I gasp at the feeling. Jack’s hands grab my ass and pull me forward. He wants me to hump his face?

I thrust my hips lightly and I feel his hands squeeze my ass tighter. He bobs his head faster and I thrust faster and harder.Oh my god there is no way I am going to last. I grunt and moan as I keep thrusting in his mouth. Jack seems to be getting equal pleasure out of this. I mean I enjoyed giving him a blowjob but I wouldn’t say I got much out of it besides hearing his moans. I can feel myself building up as the pleasure intensifies.

“I’m close Jack! I’m going to cum!” I shout. The pleasure is hitting the limit! I can feel myself about to burst. “Fuck! I’m cumming!” I shout in ecstacy. Jack pulls me further into his mouth and I release into his mouth. He keeps sucking even after every last drop is gone. It’s so sensitive so I pull out. I crawl back down and kiss Jack. I pull away and lay on him. He pulls the covers over us and holds me.

Jack pets my head and strokes my back as I lay there. I can’t believe this. I mean we didn’t have sex but fuck what we did do was amazing! “I love you Alex.” Jack says suddenly. I slide off of him and lay on my side so I can look at him. “I know that what happened just now could have been you experimenting but I need you to know the truth. I love you and have for a few years. I don’t know where this is going but -” I silence Jack with a kiss.

I pull away. “Jack . . . I believe I love you too. I am new to these feelings but they have always been there. You’re the first and last thoughts I have everyday. I want you to be with me every moment. I love your every touch, word and smell. I love you more than anything!” I say. I can see tears forming in Jack’s eyes. I crash our lips together and he cries while we kiss. He lets my tongue slide into his mouth and devour him.

We make out for a little longer before finally getting to sleep. That night I held him as I usually did when we slept together but this time was different. While we haven’t declared ourselves boyfriends, I felt that connection to him while holding him. The next morning when Jack woke up he didn’t pull away and blush this time like he usually did. He smiled at me and kissed my chest.

“Good morning.” I say. Jack smiles and says morning. He offers me a blow job but I suggest breakfast instead. Jack frowns but relents as long as I promise to make bacon. I smile and say ok. I get out of bed and grab my boxers. I head out of the room so I can get us breakfast ready. Jack comes down after me. He comes up behind me and hugs me. I love the feeling of his bare chest against me. I cook us some bacon, hashbrowns and eggs. We eat at the table and talk about what we want to do today.

“We can go to the zoo.” Jack suggests. I like it! I haven’t been to the zoo in a while. We dress after breakfast and I drive us to the zoo. The St. Louis Zoo is well known as one of the best in the world. It’s always packed and despite the over priced food and drinks inside, it’s free to get in. Jack seems to be super excited and it makes me smile to see his eyes glow with anticipation as we get closer to the zoo.

This isn’t exactly my ideal first date but then again how do you date a guy? I’ve gone out with girls but it never felt like a date, not like this. I am so nervous right now and I was never nervous with girls. When we got to the zoo I parked and we took the long walk in from the parking area. I reach for Jack’s hand but I can’t get a hold of it. He moved it at the last second.

I didn’t want to ask him if I could hold it because it would be weird to ask. Right? I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem like something you would ask for. Then again the only time I held another person’s hand was Jessica Reimowl. She was a bitch. She outed a kid freshman year and he killed himself. Karma got her though. She was kidnapped and murdered when she went vacationing in Europe. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing but the universe isn’t exactly weeping over her.

I follow Jack all around as he bounces from animal to animal. I love his enthusiasm. He leads me to the penguin exhibit and once inside we stop so he can stare at the penguins. I take my chance and grab his hand. I hold it and try to interlock my fingers with his. Jack pulls his hand away though. “Don’t.” He says. I must admit I feel a pang of hurt but I plaster a fake smile on my face. “Of course, I’m sorry.” I say. I move closer to the glass so I can’t see Jack’s face.

I’m not upset. It hurts but we aren’t defined yet and haven’t really discussed this. Still I don’t want him to see the fake expression on my face. Damn introverts can see through a fake smile a mile away. I really look at the penguins. I notice Jack in my peripheral as he gets closer to the glass. I feel his fingers on my forearm. He rubs me with his fingers. “I’m sorry. It took me by surprise. I didn’t expect you to be so bold on our first outing. If you don’t mind, I’d like to wait.” Jack says.

I smile at him. I look around and no one is really paying attention so I snake my arm around his waist and pull him close. “Of course.” I say and then let him go so he can scoot away again. After the penguins we go to grab something to eat inside the park. I hate the prices here but it’s better than not eating or drinking.

I pay for our lunch and we talk about what we want to do after the zoo. Personally I want to go swimming. I suggest swimming with my friends who I’d invite over. Kyle and Landon might help Jack loosen up. I’m sure they would willing come out if it meant helping us. Lucky for me Jack seems interested in the idea too.