Awkward First Romance

Chapter 6: Jack

This morning was so awkward. I’m sitting there in the kitchen with Mr. De Lumas. “You never did answer my question last night.” He asks me. I can’t help but blush. When he asked me if I was in love with Alex I about died. I needed to just be brave finally and admit the truth. I don’t think he will kick me out.

“Yes I wanted to avoid it but to answer your question . . . yes I do.” The look on his face is interesting. He seems to be happy. “Do you feel better getting that off of your chest? I support it and I hope for the best, truly I do.” Mr. Le Dumas says. My heart skips a beat. I want to cry. Is this what support feels like?

“I’m worried about how Alex will react.” I say. What if he hates me? I don’t want him to react badly to me admitting my feelings. Mr. De Lumas dismisses my thoughts. “I wouldn’t worry about Alex, you know him. He cares about you more than himself. Nothing you say or do will ever make him hate you. If anything it will bring you two even closer.”

Alex came in right after that and I am hoping he didn’t hear us. He may not put the clues together but it still scares me. I can’t lose him and no matter what way you spin it, confessing feelings lands one of two ways. Either he is going to return the feelings or he is going to reject me. Aside from the odd morning with Mr. De Lumas, the next thing was Alex being rock hard when we hugged. He’s so big! I just wanted to drop to my knees and pull his shorts down. If I could have taken his cock into my mouth I would have.

After that we drove to the mall and Alex dropped me off while he went to hang with Kyle and Landon. They were cool guys for being jocks. I always got the feeling Kyle and Landon were dating. There wasn’t a moment they weren’t together. Alex always assured me they were just friends but he also is blind to my feelings.

After Alex drops me off I go to the food court and wait for Megan. I am thinking of Panda Express for lunch. Orange chicken is so amazing! I am hungry. Megan arrives shortly after me and finds me waiting in the middle of the food court. “Hey darling!” Megan exclaims as she sits down.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re here! I’m starving!” I stand up and grab Megan’s hand. I drag her to the Panda Express counter and order me food. Megan is posing for selfies. I roll my eyes because I find it annoying but that’s what she does. We order our food and go back to the tables. I sit down and dig into my food. Megan starts in on hers too but she does so with a little more grace. Normally I wouldn’t but like I said I was starving.

“Ok sweetie so what did you need to talk to me about?” Megan asks. I take a drink and swallow. I feel my heart beat like crazy. Am I going to do this? “I wanted to tell you something that’s been on my mind awhile. Aside from Alex, you’re my best friend so it’s important you know. Not even Alex knows, not yet anyway.” I begin nervously. Megan frowns with concern. “You can tell me anything. What’s up?”

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. “This is hard for me. I’ve had this secret for years.” I pause and swallow the knot in my throat. “I love Alex. I have since we were fourteen. I want to be with him and I don’t know if he feels the same or if he will even accept my feelings.” Megan stares at me and digs her fork into the food for another bite.

“Ok. So what is the news?” Megan asks. I frown. “Megan!” I shout. Megan takes another bite and swallows. “I’m sorry but if I’m being honest there was nothing subtle about your love for Alex. Dude you watched sports for him and you hate sports. Let’s not forget how many snapchat stories there are of you in bed with Alex. I can keep going if you want.” I am so embarrassed. How is it obvious to everyone?

“I need advice! What should I do? I’m living with him! I just want to tell him how I feel but I am so scared.” I say anxiously. “I know it’s scary but do you really think Alex of all people would treat you any differently?” She has a point but I am not rational.

“Ok but what if I tell him I love him and he says he isn’t gay? I would be devastated.” I blurt my counter. It is not my best argument and I know Megan sees right through it. “You know that is a risk we all take when we admit our feelings for another person. Alex is one of the greatest guys out there. You have the perfect friend and you know he loves you in so many ways. It may not be the way you want but I know he will be sweet about it. Just tell him how you feel.”

I hate optimism. Megan and I talk about my feelings for Alex and what made me fall for him. I’ll never forget what it was. We were fourteen and at his Father’s lake house. We were lying in the grass while the grownups were firing fireworks. Alex told me how he hoped we would be doing this for the rest of our lives. He picked a wild flower and brushed my nose and lips. “Always and forever.” I whisper. Those are the words he promised me. He was a fan of Vampire Diaries and The Originals. It was the famous Mikaelson promise and it was one Alex vowed to me. He wanted us to be together always and forever.

The rest of the early afternoon was spent getting clothes and other cool stuff throughout the mall. Megan made me buy an outfit she swore would make Alex love me. It was tight fitting and with lots of accessories like bracelets with viking symbols and a viking themed choker. Honestly I loved it but I’m not sure why she thought viking would be what makes Alex excited. I liked how the outfit looked so I decided to wear it for the rest of the day.

We were near the fountain in the mall when I got a text from Alex that he was on the way. I can’t help but feel nervous. I don’t know why I am acting like this. I can be so ridiculous with my anxiety. Should I tell him the truth? Should I risk everything on a hope? My heart screams yes! My mind says no.

I kept drinking my soda until Alex sent me another text telling me he was on his way into the mall. The theater was inside here so we could just go in. I still had my stuff though so I call Alex and ask if he can wait while I can put stuff in his car. I head out into the parking lot and find Alex waiting at his car. He is leaning against the car looking amazing. The sun is shining off of his hair and body. He is wearing black khaki shorts and a black button up slightly buttoned with a green undershirt. He is wearing that Kingdom Hearts lion keyblade necklace. It was his father’s and he gave it to Alex on his 16th birthday. He usually wore it daily.

“Hey! Pop your trunk!” I shout to Alex who is typing away on his phone. He looks up and stares at me for a moment. He flashes a smile and opens his trunk. “Looks like you bought the mall out! Hope you have enough to see the movie!” He teases. I do a fake laugh and put my stuff in his trunk.

“You’re the man in this relationship, you have to pay for me.” I tease back. The laugh I expect doesn’t come. I look at Alex who is looking away. I tap Alex on the shoulder. “Dude I was joking. Are you ok? I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.” I say apologetically. Alex turns around and shoves me against the car. Both hands are on each side of my head. He leans in really close. “If I’m the man, are you putting out after the movie?” He says with a seductive whisper in my ear. I feel electricity shoot down to my crotch. Oh my god what is happening? Alex pulls away and has a grin on his face. “Gotcha. Come on, let’s go! The previews are the best part!” Alex shouts giddily.

I am still stunned by what he did. I follow him back into the mall. He mindlessly chatters as we walk. I am still stuck in the moment back at the car. Seriously. What was that? He has never teased me like that before. I mean he played it like a joke so easily. We go inside and to the theater. Alex buys our tickets and then we go to the concession counter and get a large popcorn and two sodas. I ask for a cherry pepsi and Alex gets a mountain dew.

Alex asks me if I’m set and I nod. We go into the auditorium and sit at the top in one of the dream loungers. I love them! They are so wide and recline! We go to our seats and sit back.The lights dim and the previews start. Alex has always been about seeing the upcoming movies. He hates it if he misses the previews. I take a handful of popcorn and shove it in my face. I love movie popcorn! There is just no beating it!

I look at Alex as he watches the previews. I still can’t help but wonder what he was thinking when he pushed me against the car. He has always been playful but that was on another level. I take a drink of my cherry pepsi as the last of the previews finish. The main movie starts and Alex reaches over to me and squeezes my arm. He loves Jurassic Park. Last year for his birthday I got him a recreation of the dinosaur DNA shaving cream container. It is identical down to every detail and the DNA pieces even look identical. He loved it so much. I’ve been trying to get him the amber cane but I need to save up for it. I need a job first though so I can save money for it.

As the movie plays we occasionally bump our hands as we both reach for popcorn. My heart flutters each time it happens. I lay my hand down on the arm to be more comfortable. After a few moments I feel a warm hand interlocking their fingers with mine. I look over at Alex and he is focusing on the movie. What should I do? Is this like a test? Is this him being for real? What is going on? First he pushes me against the car and now this?

My heart is racing but I keep my hand in his. I can’t move it. I want to because I’m scared but I have to be strong. I squeeze his hand to see if he reacts but all that happens is he squeezes back. I want to ask him what he is doing but a part of me is so happy right now. What if this is a joke?

Alex holds my hand the rest of the movie. To add to the weirdness, Alex kept drawing circles in my palm with his thumb. He finally lets go of my hand so he can get up and we can leave. We have to get to dinner with his Dad at their house before his dad leaves at nine for his medical conference.

The drive back is pretty silent except for the music Alex plays. I am constantly thinking about what he did and half way back to his house I just ask him. “Why did you hold my hand and draw circles in my palm?” Alex doesn’t respond at first. “I don’t know. I just felt like it. Did you not like that I did it? You didn’t say anything.” He finally says.

“I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say and after what happened yesterday I was afraid you’d be mad at me again if I pulled my hand away.” I say. Alex stays quiet for a few minutes. “So you wanted to pull your hand away?” He asks. I blush and look away. “I am super confused dude. You’re acting like you have a crush on me or something.” Oh my god why did I say it like that?

“I’m sorry.” Alex says. I expect more than that but he doesn’t say anything else the rest of the way back. He gets out of the car without saying a word and pops the trunk so I can get my stuff. He goes to the front door though and lets himself in. I think I made him mad. I grab my stuff from the trunk and close it. As I walk in through the door I can hear Alex talking about Jurassic World 3 to his Dad. He is acting like a kid with candy.

I close the door and drop my stuff just inside. Alex heads up to his room and locks the door while Mr. Le Dumas cooks dinner. I knock on the door so we can talk. Alex hesitantly lets me in. I sit on his bed and ask him if he is mad at me? He quickly says no and scoots his chair closer to the bed.

“Then what is going on? You’ve been so weird the last two days. Is something bothering you?” I ask. Alex leans forward and puts his head in my lap. This would be so hot right now if I didn’t hear him crying. I put my hand on the back of his head and rub it. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I ask.

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. I want to so bad but I can’t.” Damn it! What is going on? He has never cried, not since his mom died. “You can tell me anything. You know that.” I say. Alex lifts his head. “Jack, I’m -” Mr. Le Dumas opens the door and tells us dinner is ready. I curse to myself silently. Alex wipes away his tears.

“Alright Dad, We’re coming.” He stands up and turns around. It looks like he is rubbing his eyes. After Mr. Le Dumas walks away, I go over to Alex. “Hey, what were you saying?” Alex sniffles and smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I just had a moment. Come on, I think Dad made chicken parm.” Alex says as he turns around and walks out of his room.

Why is this my life? What was he about to say to me? I seriously need to know. I follow Alex down and sit next to him so we can have a nice dinner with his Dad. He’s leaving right after dinner and he’ll be gone until Monday. A part of me is excited to spend the alone time with Alex but after what happened with him crying. I just don’t know.