Attracting a Partner 101

The very first step in finding a partner in life is to determine if you really want one. There is no sense in pursuing someone, winning them over, and falling in love if you are just going to decide you don’t have time to keep the love going. Relationships take time, a lot of it, and you need to be determined to put the time in to keep it running smoothly. If your relationship isn’t running smoothly then you will be unhappy, and what’s the point of an unhappy relationship? A good idea may be to write down a list of the pros and cons of leaving the single life BEFORE you make the decision to put yourself on the market, so to speak.

Once you’ve decided that a life partner is definitely in your near future, then you can start the process of finding the right person to spend your life with. So, where do you look? If you are in your early to mid-twenties, picking a guy up at the club may still seem like a good idea. But if you are looking for someone with long-term potential you may want to avoid that type of venue. Instead, here are some great places to meet prospective partners:

Adult Classes - Sign up for a cooking class or an art class. You will meet other people who have similar interests as you, and you’ll know they like to do something constructive in their free time. Even if you don't find someone worth dating, you may find some new friends, and those are just as difficult to make the older you get.

Sports Events - If you like sports, this is a great way to find someone else who likes them.

Themed Night Clubs - Instead of just a plain old bar, pick something with a theme. Whether it’s music, gothic, vintage, or something else, you’re sure to meet some people with similar interests and tastes.

Conventions - There are a lot of different types of conventions, from anime to comics and from fairies to zombies. Whatever your interest, you are sure to find some like-minded folks who may be ready for a relationship.

Online - Sometimes online dating gets a bad rap, but there’s no need for it. People find love online all the time. There are also plenty of online dating options out there now, so the sky is the limit.

Where you find your new dating partner isn’t the only thing to consider when hunting for love, though. There are scientific and practical ways that can help you to make yourself attractive to others and to increase your visibility in the dating arena. Studies show that people who are outgoing, socially active, and engaged with others have the edge when it comes to meeting people and maintaining relationships.

Good grooming and hygiene go without saying when it comes to being attractive to others. If you don’t put your best foot forward, and you don’t feel confident in your appearance, then you can’t expect someone to be attracted to you. Confidence is even more attractive than looks! Present yourself with confidence and express interest in others. Ask questions and become a skilled listener. Keep the discouragement of not finding someone right away at bay by building a repertoire of things you like to do. This is good too, once you start dating you won’t make your new partner feel like you are clinging to them since you’ll still have your own hobbies. Often when we least expect it we meet someone interesting. Love finds us when we stop looking for it.

When you do meet someone it is important to keep in mind that you’re still learning about each other. When you put unreasonable expectations on yourself or the other person about where the relationship should go you begin to appear desperate, and much less attractive to them. It’s okay to have differing opinions, which adds to the spice of your relationship. Our similarities bring us together and allow us to grow and bond, but our differences also help keep us together. Try to find someone who shares your interests, but don’t go overboard. Just because they like to play hockey doesn’t mean that you need to go out and buy some gear. It's okay for you to both have different passions, as well as shared ones. You don't want to be complete carbon copies of one another.

So, how can you become irresistible to someone you're attracted to? Here are a few tips:

Smile

Sometimes a smile is all it takes to let someone know that it’s okay to approach you. Looking approachable will help keep you from looking intimidating.

Make eye contact

A smile isn’t everything though, you should also pair it with a little bit of eye contact. A little bit goes a long way here. You don’t want to have a stare-down. Stick with only a few short seconds of eye contact ... too little and they may not notice, but too much may make them feel uncomfortable. When you combine your beautiful smile with some simple eye contact you are letting the person know that you approve of them as a potential mate. This approval may be all the person needed to get them to walk on over and say "Hi."

Step away from your friends

When you're hanging out with a group of friends, whether talking quietly or loudly, it can be intimidating to someone who may want to come talk to you. Be sure to spend some time away from the group, especially if you spot someone checking you out that you'd like to talk to. This doesn’t mean you have to go out alone, just keep your eyes open if you're looking for love.

Mimic their movements

The sincerest form of flattery is imitation. Mirroring is a key sign of interest, but don’t overdo it or you will look a little crazy.

... If you're shy and the idea of smiling and making eye contact with a stranger scares you or makes you not want to step away from your friends, just know that some people like shy folks. This means that when you do get the guts to talk to them, even if your face gets a little red, they may think it's cute.

If you’re shy, here are a few more steps you can take:

Narrow your options

Before you get to the stress of actual interaction with someone you fancy, use your shyness to your advantage. When you aren’t talking, use your time to observe. You can learn a lot about people just by watching them and listening to them. You may find that the person who started out attractive isn’t as attractive when they start talking about all of their bad habits or ex-partners. And this way you saved yourself from having to deal with your fears in talking to yet another stranger.

Play up your strengths

If you keep active in your own interests, and those interests take you out of the house where you can meet other people, they will be a great blessing to you. This gives you some common ground that will make it easier for you to communicate when you’re approached by someone new. It’s easier to speak to someone when you know right away that you have something in common, and it helps to relieve shyness when you know that what you say won’t fall on deaf ears. It also helps to involve yourself in activities that you’re good at, so you can draw positive attention. You may find this new person has a lot to say, and you don’t even have to talk as much.

Bring them to you

It may be easier for you to talk to someone you're interested in if they come to you first. Do your best to appear confident and inviting. Wear something that you are comfortable in, but that also says you are approachable. Of course, this depends on what kind of partner you're looking for and where you're looking. What is approachable at a Goth nightclub is less approachable at church, but will also ensure you find someone who has similar interests as you!

Step outside your comfort zone

Lastly, don’t let your shyness rule your life. Step outside your comfort zone and talk to people you see that you're interested in ... in fact, talk to people you aren't interested in just to get some practice! If you don’t try something that scares you in this case, you just might lose the chance at knowing a great potential love.

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And, above all else, always be you. There is nothing worse than having someone fall in love with you, only to show them your true self later and have them walk away.