8 Indicators You Have an Amazing Sex Life

Pleasurable sex has different definitions for different people. While some are happy with vanilla sex, others aren’t without including kinks. Some people live happily in a monogamous relationship, while others only achieve happiness in polyamory or a swing lifestyle. Each relationship is unique.

Sex is a vast umbrella, covering an extensive amount of variety. As long as it’s safe, consensual and sane, everything in sex is allowed and should always be respected.

But despite the uniqueness of sex, it doesn’t mean there aren’t indicators to measure if you have a great sex life or not, some of them not related to orgasm or performance. Here are the universal ones:

8 signs that show you have a great sex life

1. You talk openly about your desires and pleasures

Communication in sex is everything. However, we all know that often, talking about our fantasies, desires, our preferences or dislikes can be challenging; it might even feel awkward.

If you’re in a relationship where sexual communication flows, where you feel heard and comfortable to share whatever you have to say in the matter, you are in an excellent place.

An effective communication style can work as a turn-on. Speaking from experience, now that I’m in a relationship where we talk with no tabus or shame about any topic — our kinks, sexual fantasies and desires included — my sex life improved a thousand times.

2. You like to try new things

Good sex is not about performance, on how many positions you tried in a session and how flexible you are. Sex is about the pleasure bodies give to each other. However, a bit of novelty doesn’t harm the relationship, much the opposite.

In routine life, I trust that “comfortable sex” is lovely to have; the kind that lasts whatever time takes you both to come and it connects you through your same old same position. But you should break the routine once in a while; to sparkle the flame. This can be done in so many ways. Spice up your foreplay game, bring a sex toy to the fun, dress up, engage in role-playing; whatever pushes your buttons, go for it!

If you usually break your sexual routine by bringing something different to the bed (or kitchen, or hotel room…), you definitely are investing in your sexual happiness.

3. Your internet history includes sexual content

This point doesn’t have to include porn, but, if it does, it’s great. But what I’m referring to is research about sexual topics.

As a sex blogger, my internet history is full of sex research. Yet, even before I started writing on the subject, my curiosity was always active. I used to search about positions, ways to improve pleasure, techniques and anything that could seem interesting to learn about, and had the potential of improving my sexual performance.

An even better sign that you have a great sex life is if you share your research with your lover. It’s so much fun to it together, a kind of “read it and try it!”.

4. You have a positive body image

People who feel sexually satisfied usually have positive self-acceptance over their bodies. This study showed that the participants who felt the best about their bodies also had the highest rate of sexual satisfaction.

This makes sense because if you’re having sex with someone, but you’re concerned about how your body looks, and you’re trying to hide the bits you’re worried about; you won’t be enjoying the act as you should: present, enjoying every drop of pleasure that it’s being given to you.

Also, people who have body image issues might refuse to have sex just to hide it from others. If you feel negative about your self-image, I suggest the reading of this piece: Don’t allow negative self-image to affect your sex life.

You can be self-conscious about your body, but not a harsh self-critic.

5: You don’t feel bad saying “no” to sex sometimes

Saying no to sex is something that should be easy for everyone. However, for many reasons, often it isn’t.

Owning your body and your desires, and having the ability to act according to your wishes, is power. If you have a relationship where your partner knows that you saying “no” to sex means nothing other than “not today”, you have built a good relationship.

You are allowed not to be in the mood, your libido might be down (although, if it’s persistent, it’s important to check if it’s a health issue), or you just want to snuggle.

Saying no to sex and both of you being ok with it’s a great signal that your sexual life is great.

6. You’re feeling good and having fun

For me, having fun in sex and in the relationship overall is paramount; I don’t think I could be in one without laughs and fun and enjoying each other’s company. This also applies to sex.

The fact that you’re enjoying your sex life as it is, is a perfect sign that you have a healthy and happy one. But it’s essential to be honest with yourself. Often we want to believe something so badly that we ignore the signs in front of us.

Take an honest and serious insight into your sex life and ask yourself: am I having fun? Does it bring joy and smiles to my face? If the answer is yes, great, you’re in the right way!

7. You masturbate

Masturbation (aka solo sex) is an act of self-care; one everybody should have. Besides having benefits for your physical and mental health, masturbation is a way of knowing your body, to discover and explore how to have pleasure.

Knowing what triggers you and what potentially makes your orgasm is a perfect way to have exciting and fulfilled partnered sex: you can tell or show your partner how you like to be touched and teased.

8. You’re happy outside the bedroom

Having a happy sex life will be transferable to your life. Not only because orgasms improve your mood and are weapons against depression but also because you feel desirable, you strengthen your self-esteem and personal empowerment.

I’m not saying that sexless people can’t be happy, of course, they can (if they live it 100% by choice). But the truth is that people who have a healthy and pleasurable sex life are, in general, happier with their lives.

Also, people who are in committed relationships understand that a relationship transcends their sexual life, that it’s vital to feed other needs, like socialising, have hobbies, spend quality time with each other and away from one another.

Being happy in the bedroom is as essential to a relationship as being happy outside of it.

If reading this piece you ticked most of the boxes, I’m happy for you; you have a great sex life, and that calls for a celebration. If not, my suggestion is for you to sit down and dedicate some time thinking about what can you do to reverse the situation.

Great sex is more than sexual positions or how many orgasms your partner “gave you” (although orgasms are an important part of sexual satisfaction.)

Feeling sexually happy with your partner has a substantial weight in your relationship. Sex matters, sex is a connection, physical and emotional. If you think there’s space to improve your sex life, I suggest you talk with your partner about it — without blaming or being judgemental. Or, if you’re not ready for that conversation yet, spice up things, try to light again the flame you once had. But don’t let it be as it is; you deserve to be happy, on all fronts.

Life can get complicated and extremely busy, forcing us sometimes to prioritise things that, by our own choice, we wouldn’t. But sex and intimacy shouldn’t be neglected, ever. It’s your happiness in place, and there’s nothing more important than that, right?

© 2021 Emma London. All Rights Reserved.