When Were The Sports On?

A man in a relationship that's hit a rocky road does his best to assure his wife that he does remember important dates… so long as there were sports on at that time.

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"I just don't think he remembers important dates… or even cares to." Sophia said to the therapist with such irritation.

"That's not true!" Jacob defended himself.

"Fine. When did we first start going out?" Sophia challenged him.

"When we first started going out?" Jacob bought himself time as he thought.

Let's see. I met Sophia the day after the Patriots Seahawks Super Bowl. I remember, because I was so pumped over all the money I won. And we went out the first day of March, a month after we met…

"It was March 1st, 2015." Jacob answered confidently.

"Lucky guess." Sophia wasn't impressed. "When did we move in together?"

"We moved in together…" Jacob talked slowly to buy more time.

We watched both the next Super Bowls, Panthers Broncos, and the one after that, Patriots Falcons, before we moved in together. It was right after that Super Bowl. I was painting the walls to the new apartment before she moved in while I watched March Madness.

"It was March of 2017. Had to be after St. Patrick's Day. I think it was around the 20th?"

"It was the 22nd."

"Okay, that's close enough."

Jacob looked to the therapist for sympathy.

"Come on, Doctor…" Oh shoot, what was her name?

There was something funny about her. Where did she go to school? Seattle, that's right! Oh yeah, and in the Patriots Seahawks Super Bowl when the Seahawks should've run it with Lynch, and they didn't, and they lost… Jacob thought that was funny to ask her about, because her name was Dr. Lynch, but she didn't seem to think there was any connection.

"…Lynch."

"He does seem to remember fairly well the dates you are throwing at him." Dr. Lynch said.

Thank you, Dr. Lynch. Reminder to self, send Dr. Lynch some Skittles as a 'thank you' at a later date.

"Alright, alright, hold on." Sophia seemed more irritated. "Those were easy. When did we get married?"

"You're asking when we got married?" Classic stall tactic.

So, the team that had won the Super Bowl before our wedding was… the Patriots… over the Rams. That was 2019. But wait, that was back in February. We married in the summer. Oh, that's right. The Raptors were playing the Warriors in the Finals. And they won it in Game 6, and I remember that was June 13th… or 6/13… because I had placed a $613 bet on the Raptors to win it that day… and they did! I cleaned up. I didn't realize I had won until the very next day. It was the happiest day of my life. Until… maybe the next day… when we got married.

"It was June 15th, 2019." Jacob answered.

"He's doing something in his head!" Sophia yelled. "He is thinking of sporting events!"

"What? I am telling you the dates that you are asking for."

"He does this! He thinks of sporting events and uses that as the important marker in his life and then figures out what was going on around that time!"

"Sophia, he seems to remember the important dates, I don't see what the problem–"

"Wait!" Sophia's voice halted everything. All voices. All actions. All thoughts. "When I bought you that watch… you know the one… the expensive one… the one you love."

Oh no.

"When was that?"

"That watch… you gave to me…"

This is so unfair. It's a trap! Because she gave me the watch shortly after the pandemic started. All sports had halted! I have nothing to go off of. There were no sports for what felt like ages. I hadn't seen a ball passed, dunked, dribbled, spiked, nothing. Not in… forever.

I have no frame of reference. She gave me the watch on a day… the sun was out… the temperature was… something. That day was like… like any other plain old day. Any other day with no sports.

What did we eat that day? Oatmeal? And then like a… a salad maybe? Or was it soup? I seem to recall consuming some onion later that night. This doesn't help. That could be any day of the year! Oh, why were there no sports on when she gave me the watch?! I'd so easily be able to determine the day! Instead, I have clues like onions and maybe oatmeal! That does nothing for me! I eat oatmeal five days a week, every week of the year!

What was I wearing? Pants? Sweatpants. Oh, I wore sweatpants every day for a long period of time during the pandemic.

When did the pandemic start? Was it… I don't even know. 1999? Or was it 2000 something. When did it end? That doesn't help me… I don't know how long it lasted. Is it still going on?

"Would've been… August… 3rd? 20…21?"

"Ha! Wrong!" Sophia pointed at me with an accusatory finger.

"Sophia, he doesn't remember the date you gave him a watch." Dr. Lynch reasoned. "I hardly see how that–"

"It was on his birthday!" Sophia shouted.

"July 19th!" Jacob shouted back.

"Your birthday is May 11th!" Sophia's eyes burned with fire.

"You don't remember your own birthday?" Dr. Lynch stared at Jacob with a concern you'd place on someone who had just hit their head on the pavement.

"Not that year." Jacob responded sadly. "There weren't any sports on."

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