“The thing is, I know everyone makes mistakes. But that's fucking wrong. You just don't…. I’m just so fucking angry. There are lines you just don’t cross and… Sorry, let me... here… patch that bit up... another handful… that’s better.
Ooph.
Sorry. It just felt so good. And there, doesn’t take much to fix. We can’t have her coming out here and seeing you all crumbling now, can we.
Buttons! You need some buttons…. Hang on.
So, I wasn’t sure how well they’re going to stick, don’t want them just slithering off, do we, so I’m just gonna slide these skewers through the…. One…. Two…. Yes, I know, all be done in a second. Three… There now. And her red scarf for your neck. She doesn’t wear it anymore, so…
She didn’t deserve that. Cunt. Like, no kid deserves that. Fucks you up for life that kind of thing. I’m not gonna let that happen, I swear, I am gonna do literally everything to make her…. Urgh, bits still keep sliding off. Let me just…. You're probably not listening with all that snow in your ears, but it’s good to talk.
Oh no. Nope, can’t have the eyes dropping out. She does not need traumatising by your ugly eye peering out at her from in there. The coal goes back in. Gonna be a hard freeze tonight, you’ll stiffen up by morning, just have to keep patching you back up till you're done melting I guess."
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Spectating
I can't imagine dying like this, in a place like this; on a cold, dirty pavement with rush hour traffic screaming by and a crowd looking on while paramedics struggle to find space to move. Who could? Deep down we all think there should be a reason, a moment of clarity... or a family presence, at least. For this man, this boy, the rail thin woman lighting a cigarette in a faux fur jacket will have to do - she's been here since the start, her eyes tracking the movement of my shoulders as we fight to keep him on the right side of the line.
By S. A. Crawford7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (21)
Back to say congratulations
Love it. You have managed to say so much in so few words.
I read this through twice, then read through the comments, then read through it again. There's been enough done with viciously supernatural snowfolk for this challenge I didn't want to assume anything. I'm not quite sure which is more disturbing to me, either, hearing the one word from a man's or a woman's voice. Actually, the more it sets with me, I do find it a bit easier to accept the epithet from a woman directed toward a man who has done unspeakable things to the most precious person in her life. Extremely distressing, raking the reader over the coals even as those pieces of coal are being reset over the eyes.
I like the one-sided rambling to this, and how we don’t know what the mistake was, and how much it’ll affect the little girl. It gives the reader space to imagine! In the “Ooph” part, did the speaker punch the snowman to get out some anger?”
oi, ai karamba, Glad you got that off your chest. T'will all be better when the freeze does its work at night. The morning better dawn sunny and bright. Wonder what brought that on. Oh my, splendidly dark.
hahaha. bloody brilliant. Love the colourful language too and how you built this one up, Hannah. Read through your other piece but will be commenting on that later as there was a lot to unpack, hope you're hanging in there, though. Sending you love and whatnot!
Ah, the cold hands of retribution. I think you may be selling yourself short in the replies, Hannah. This is a chillingly powerful piece. IYKYK, as the kids say. *fade out to 'Cell Block Tango'*
Oooo Hannah, chilling! So deliciously dark, I loved it!
Twisted. Fabulous!
Hehehehehehehehehe I could see myself doing this! I freaking loved how dark this was!
OOF! You had me there for a second. This is the kind of story people need to stick with until the end to understand what's actually going on.🤣
You're probably not listening with all that snow in your ears, but it’s good to talk. Eeek! This is so good and so awful too! Bloody hell!
I guessed there was a "body" buried inside, and that they had committed a horrible act, but didn't know what until I read the comments. I agree with Rachel in that I imagined a male voice telling the story. Great job.
Bloody heck! 😮😮😮😮
I've read some of the comments to see what they saw. They're all a little different. I was scared for someone, but I didn't know who to be scared for or who to be scared of. Excellent scary stuff
Packing a body in snow? If so , I love it. I see why it may have been held back just a wee bit longer than normal, glad they released this to the world . The anger and frustration was built in so wonderfully.
The tension between her deep seated anger and the metaphor of the unrepairable snowman make this a much more complex bit of storytelling than it seems on the surface. The resulting imagery is disheartening and disturbing at the same time. Very striking and mature writing, Hannah. I am deeply impressed.
I like the confusion and mystery of this and wonder if it is designed to mirror the narrator's mental state? I'm not totally sure what's going on but I feel like there are hints given with the skewers, the red scarf and the ugly eye needing to be hidden by the coal and that the person who is protecting "her" may not be a great protector at all.
Oof, that was great telling without 'telling'. So glad they finally let this out of purgatory!!
Oh, I wanna know more about the girl’s reaction to the snowman now.
Coldly spooky.