This Would Make a Great Memoir

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Connor remembered that much from the required science classes at the university, as he drifted in and out of daydreams of being a famous journalist for the Times, doodling in the margins of his notes. However, as he stared wide-eyed and terrified at the gigantic bay window depicting what could be none other than the aforementioned vacuum of space, whizzing by at a dizzying clip, he figured he might as well try to see if anyone could hear him.

Of course, he would, if he wasn’t currently strapped to a cold, metal table with heavy metallic restraints, and his mouth gagged with what felt like some kind of industrial-strength duct tape.

Still, he gave it his best shot, screeching against the cloth, but the only thing that came out was a pathetic whimper.

What the actual fuck had happened? The last thing he remembered before waking up in some sci-fi horror film was stumbling across a beautiful buck with the biggest antlers he’d ever seen on a night hike in the hills just outside of town. He’d stopped in awe of the creature, illuminated by the moonlight, when all of a sudden a bright, blue light had lit up the woods… and then the world faded to black.

And when he awoke, well… the only logical conclusion he could come to was that he was in space.

Because the table he was strapped to was in a room that could only be described as some kind of alien lab, complete with chrome walls, a mysterious floating table with metal instruments on it that resembled surgical tools and some weird remote control, and that damned window with space zooming by at nauseating speeds.

Oh yeah, and the tall, blue, absolutely ethereal being with white hair and a cautious, yet excited expression on its face, staring directly at him. Or at least, Connor thought it seemed excited. It was hard to tell with the pure white eyes that were all sclera, with no indication as to even which direction the creature was looking. But it was definitely looking right at Connor. And it definitely was an alien. There was absolutely no other explanation.

Connor whimpered against his bonds again, wriggling on the table as much as he could. He was tilted at an angle, with metal straps at his wrists, ankles, and around his waist and chest. He was still in his clothes from his hiking trip as far as he could tell, but he had no idea where the rest of his things were, if his backpack had even made it with him to… wherever the hell he was. The creature in front of him was… chittering to itself? At least that’s all Connor could describe it as. Its mouth was moving, but the only sounds that were coming out were whirrs, clicks, and whistling noises. It sounded almost like a dial-up modem, which would have made Connor laugh if he wasn’t so petrified.

The creature tilted its head and approached Connor slowly, holding up its hands in a gesture that seemed peaceful, but that could just be a front. He noted that the alien had only three fingers and a thumb on each hand, before it hit him that those unsettling white eyes were shimmering in a way that seemed as if the creature was looking at the scary-looking instruments on the tray next to Connor.

He started to wriggle and whimper a third time, earning a hurried series of clicks and squawks from the creature. It almost looked as if it was frightened too, which good, thought Connor. Let it be frightened! It was the one who had abducted him in the first place. Or at least that was the only explanation for what was happening. If this was even real at all. God, he hoped it was a dream. Or some kind of hallucination. He had eaten some mushrooms he’d found in the woods, but they were a kind he knew to be safe to eat and not… those kind of mushrooms--

The creature held up its hands again, speaking in a lower, hushed tone as it contorted its face into what appeared to be a smile. Its teeth were perfectly straight and a pastel blue color, a little lighter than its complexion. It almost was… attractive? In a weird kind of way? Or it would be if this whole scenario wasn’t completely batshit insane. Connor exhaled heavily through his nose and looked at the creature as it started gesturing toward the instruments. It seemed like it was trying to tell him something, or maybe just try to calm him down before slicing him open. He had no idea. But even if he did, there really wasn’t anything he could do about it.

He was fucked, wasn’t he?

Resigned to his fate, he just stared as the creature reached for the tray, picking up one of two identical devices that looked like tiny remote controls, or maybe a GPS location tag for your keys. It made a show of pressing the button on the device, which illuminated a tiny, red light, before putting the device into its ear canal. At least, Connor assumed it was the creature’s ear canal; its ears were gigantic, looking like some kind of elf from Lord of the Rings if they were blue and intimidating as hell. It then picked up the other matching device, pressed the button, and reached toward Connor’s head.

Connor closed his eyes and swallowed, but all he felt was the cool piece of metal slip into his ear, much like an earbud or hearing aid. He winced at the mechanical buzzing noise that played in his ear for just a second, but then everything went silent. The creature stepped back and stared at him, and then opened its mouth again.

This time, it was speaking in English. Or that’s what Connor was hearing, at least. The creature’s lips were still moving in that weird, unnatural way that matched the earlier sounds, but a soft, baritone voice played in his ear, instead, plain as day.

“Can you understand me now?”

Connor nodded slowly, as much as the restraints would allow. Was nodding a universal gesture for aliens? Hopefully, it wasn’t something offensive or rude. He wasn’t really in much of a position to be contrary, even if he could now understand the alien in front of him.

The creature -- male, if the voice in his ear was any indication -- smiled again, much wider this time. “Good! I do not have much time to explain, so listen carefully. My name is Aniyu, I am a scientist that specializes in exoplanetary xenobiology. I am from a planet called Onshu, and my people are the Zeox. We were on an expedition to Earth to collect wildlife samples when you were accidentally captured.”

Accidentally captured? Jesus Christ. Connor just blinked, not sure whether or not he wanted to laugh or cry at the absurdity of the whole abducted by aliens situation. What was his life? If this scenario wasn’t so insane it would make a fantastic memoir.

Aniyu continued on, the voice in Connor’s ear speaking in a hushed, hurried tone. “My superiors do not know you are alive, nor that you are even on our ship. If they find out… they will order me to kill you. Humans should not know of our existence until they have achieved distance spaceflight,” he said, the matter-of-fact tone at odds with the sheer devastation that Connor felt hearing those words. He’d be killed? Humans shouldn’t know of the alien's existence until spaceflight? What kind of aliens were they? How long had they been watching Earth? Why him of all people?

“...however,” Aniyu said after a brief pause, pulling a lock of long, white hair over his shoulder to twirl it around his fingers. A nervous tic? What did an alien have to be nervous about? God, Connor wished he could speak. “Humans are my specialty. I have been studying your species and your planet for my entire career. I just… I cannot sit by and let an innocent human die due to our mistakes. I just cannot do it.”

Aniyu stepped closer again, although he briefly paused to glance over Connor’s head, one of his long ears twitching as if he was listening for something. He took a breath and then leaned back down over the table, hovering just in Connor’s space and speaking even more quietly. “I want to help you. I promise on my life that I will not hurt you. I have a plan to sneak you into my quarters where you can remain undetected until we get to Onshu. From there, I can figure out the best course of action to make a case to the Emperor on why your life should be spared. But you will need to trust me. I am going to remove your bonds, but if you scream or make a break for it, I will have to kill you. Do you understand?”

Connor stared at Aniyu for several long seconds. He noticed the alien’s fingers twitch, his right hand hovering near the utility belt on the obnoxious, silver catsuit he was wearing. There was something that looked oddly like a pistol strapped to his waist, and Connor absolutely didn’t want to find out how bad that hurt.

He didn’t really have a choice, did he?

Connor nodded again, looking Aniyu in the eyes as he did so. Another smile flashed on the alien’s face, and then suddenly the restraints disappeared with a metallic clank as they disappeared into the table. Aniyu reached up to peel the gag from Connor’s mouth, and Connor braced himself for a sting that never came. He almost didn’t realize that the gag had been removed until Aniyu furrowed his eyebrows and looked at him strangely.

“Are you alright? Can you move?”

Connor looked over at the gigantic glass window, with stars and galaxies blinking past at the speed of light. Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. And for a brief second, Connor still wanted to try.

But then he couldn’t write a memoir about how he was the first human to make contact with aliens, and how tragic would that be?

“...yeah. I’m okay. Now how do we get out of here?”