Running Into The Storm

What I am about to tell you is not fiction (although the dream itself would be considered a fictional event because it is a dream), it's a true story of a recurring dream that I would have and it wouldn't stop until one day it did. In a roundabout way that dream came true, the dream was a warning, a message, a subconscious insight into a bigger issue, an issue I needed to face outside the dream world. What I mean by that is the dream would resurface about twice a year for almost fifteen to twenty years. A nightmare is not how I want to categorize this, but for most who would experience this kind of dream, I would feel like that's exactly what you would call a nightmare.

This dream of mine is always vivid, it's not typically a blur as dreams go. Let's explore the details and break it down. The dream did not make sense then, but now it does, and ever since my world came crashing down and until I faced the reality of my nightmare head-on, the dream has not reappeared.

In my dream, I am always with friends, loved ones and, somewhere familiar. I am going through the motions of what feels like a pretty normal dream adventure. It always appears in the distance, a storm, a storm in the form of a tornado, sometimes it is multiple tornados all at the same time. The destruction is on a scale so massive that you would think it was out of a movie. Trees and buildings are ripped apart in the distance, the worldly possessions being pulled from their roots and cast into the sky as if they were nothing at all. My friends around me are trying to pull me away from this destruction happening in the distance, but all I want to do is get closer. I also want to film it, take a picture, something to document it. Even in my dreams, I am still a photographer, the desire to capture the spectacular even follows me there.

In this recurring dream, my family and my friends are always trying to pull me away from the obvious danger that is happening in the distance, but I always pull away from them, fighting my way away from them, I must get closer, I have to get closer to the chaos and destruction, I am reckless in this process. "Why" they scream at me, "why are you wanting to run into this storm?". I do not know the answer to this question, but I must. There is no fear in my mind my entire being has to run towards it, but why?!

In this dream which I have had dozens of times over the years of my life I never actually made it to the center of these storms, I always try, but never make it. I always wake up, but I never stop trying. I wake up I do my best to process, to understand, but never do I have clarity on what it means. Until one day I do, and the dreams stop.

It has been two years now since this dream has crept in to torment me, but it has also been two years since I stepped out of darkness and into the light. I had surrounded my life with lies, I fooled the world into believing that I was perfect. The truth is I was broken, lost, and destroying myself from the inside out. I was mentally unhealthy, and I would seek out ways to fill a hole that would temporarily suppress the pain I felt inside. It came in all sorts of ways, one of them being alcohol.

I stepped into the storm one day, the storm was so strong much of it is a blur, but I also took the steps I needed to take to step into the light, I overcame the darkness and changed the path and trajectory of what was to happen next, which I believed was the end of me on this earth. I have been sober for two years now, no storms in my dreams appear anymore, and the life I had before is no longer in darkness.

There is much more to this story of course, and as time goes on and I walk a path of recovery and healing and repair the damage the storm created, I will share it in other ways as I write more. This is a good first step, and I am thankful for the opportunity to reveal some vulnerability as the next step in my healing.

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Author Note: Thanks for reading, liking, commenting, and sharing. My writing is a part of my healing process. I am a broken spirit, a fallen sinner, but I am a forgiven child of God. That is why I share my vulnerable heart with all.