The Neverending Curse of Stupid Questions

Throughout my life, one of my pet peeves has always been stupid questions. As often as we may be told we should be patient, "There are no stupid questions. It means someone wants to learn," it's still frustrating when someone asks you about something that's obvious, and yet you're expected to answer quickly and nicely.

One of my favorite examples is illustrated in the original film "Hellraiser." In an early scene, the character Larry Cotton is working with movers to bring furniture into his house when he gashes his hand on a nail. Gushing blood, he goes to his wife for medical attention. She looks at him, sees the blood dripping on the floor, and asks, "Is it deep?" This is a stupid question.

Another great example was from a number of years ago, when I was working at a part-time job. I heard someone who had recently applied for and been promoted to the position of Supervisor remark to the other supervisors, "In training today they were telling me about payroll and reviews and discipline and things. Does this mean I'm a boss?" Hmm. It's right there in the job title. How is this a surprise? Somehow this person was assessed to have enough judgment to be able to determine if other people were doing a good job and yet they might not be able to tell if they were wet while drowning.

Which brings us to the second type of stupid question. You see, there are two. There's failure to grasp the obvious, and then there's the inability to retain information that has been discussed again and again, often in detail, sometimes in writing. These are questions we often occur in the workplace.

Memos in search of a clue

I find that one constant in life is that no matter how hard I try to be clear, or how many times things are gone over, there will be some people who will, either at key stages before action is taken, or after the fact ask, "I'm sorry, can someone help me understand why..." After all the meetings, the memos, the reports, where all were present, agreements made, still someone doesn't get it, even after saying they did and illustrating that understanding was at one point achieved. It's as if their brain will only work for so long before going back to the default setting of broken and vacant.

To make this non-job specific, I like to wonder how memos may have gone back and forth in the development of the classic cartoon, "The Flintstones."

To: Mr. Suit, Production Chief

From: Colin Creative, Program Development

Re: "The Flintstones"

Mr. Suit -

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me regarding the new show. As I said this would be a prime time cartoon, suitable for both children and adults, loosely based on "The Honeymooners," but set in the Stone Age. There would be a lot of sight gags and other running jokes about modern appliances as achieved through prehistoric means, such as using the trunk of a mammoth for a vacuum cleaner, combined with the more standard sitcom humor involving crazy schemes and miscommunication. I'm convinced in the proposed time slot, with this content, we'll have a hit. I'll have a sample script and mock-up drawings to you soon.

To: Colin Creative, Program Development

From: Mr. Suit, Production

Re: "The Flintrocks"

Colin -

Yes your proposed program does sound exciting. I'm curious if you could fit in appearances by one of our other hit properties, such as Huckleberry Hound.

To: Mr. Suit, Production Chief

From: Colin Creative, Program Development

Re: "The Flintstones"

Mr. Suit -

As much as I enjoy Huckleberry Hound and our other current characters, I don't see how they could appear on the new show, since the shows of all the current characters are set in our contemporary time and "The Flintstones" is set in the distant past, at least a million years ago. At best, if we establish that The Flintstones are living in what will one day be America, we could perhaps have Huckleberry Hound find a relic of something they had left, perhaps a bone or tablet. I'll see if I can work it into an episode. You should have character mock-ups tomorrow and a script for the pilot by the end of the week.

To: Colin Creative, Program Development

From: Mr. Suit, Production

Re: "The Rockstones"

Colin -

Thank you for showing me the character sketches for the new show. I agree this will be a hit. However upon later review of the designs I noticed the characters all seem to have four fingers - that is, three fingers and a thumb. This is very confusing. Are we implying that the fourth finger only evolved more recently? Is there any evidence of this? Please advise.

To Mr. Suit, Production Chief

From: Colin Creative, Program Development

Re: "The Flintstones"

Mr. Suit -

Thank you for noticing the lack of a fourth finger on the characters. I assure you that while the number of fingers is intentional, it is not a scientific or educational matter, but a matter of simplicity and tradition. You may note that not only do our other characters such as Huckleberry Hound have four fingers, but almost every cartoon character for the past 4 decades, since Mickey Mouse, have had only 4 fingers for the simple matter that it's easier to draw than a natural 5-fingered hand.

To: Colin, Development

From: Mr. Suit, Production

Re: "The Stone Age Show"

Colin -

I'd like to say again how much I enjoyed the sample reel of our new caveman show. The similarities to "The Honeymooners" are clearly there, and with that show departed from the air, I don't mind taking their place in full color with a lower budget. I expect it will be cheaper to produce a season of our show than it would be just to pay Jackie Gleason for a single episode of his show.

That aside, I am curious as to why Huckleberry Hound did not appear in what you showed me. I recall making it clear that he was to co-star in the pilot. If you still have objections about historic authenticity, perhaps a prehistoric version of him, Huckleberry Houndrock.

To: Mr. Suit, Production

From: Colin Creative, Development

Re: "The Flintstones"

Mr. Suit -

I appreciate your interest in having Huckleberry Hound or perhaps another current character appear in the pilot episode of the show. We had already agreed this was totally illogical due to the settings of each show, though there are still plans to have a story later in the season in which a character from today would perhaps make a cameo.

As to why no such character appears in the pilot, it is because the pilot was already in production at the time of our discussion about such a cameo. In order to include the cameo now we would have to reshoot the pilot, or produce a second pilot and air this original pilot later in the season. To do this would double the expense of the pilot as well as the production time before our anticipated air date. If this is your proposed course of action, please advise.

To: Colin Creative, Program Development

From: Mr. Suit, Production

Re: "The Johnstones"

Colin - Congratulations on the successful airing of the new pilot, as well as positive reviews. I look forward to the new season.

Before we air more episodes, I'd like to clear up the matter of the powering of the family vehicle. In the credits we see their car propelled by Fred's feet, yet later we see Fred getting gas for the car, pumped in by an mammoth named Ethel. While I appreciate the joke, shouldn't there be some consistency?

I also have concerns about the various animals working as appliances around the home as depicted in the show. The mammoth vacuum cleaner, the dinosaur garbage disposal, the tiny pterodactyl whose beak serves as a pen, it appears that they eat garbage, which implies a happy existence, but I wonder about their waste. Is the dinosaur who lives in the cabinet under the sink ever let out, or does it just stay down there in the dark? How does it relieve itself? Thinking of this made me very sad. I wouldn't want children or more sensitive adult viewers to feel unhappy watching a comedy.

Finally, why do all the characters have only four fingers? Is that normal?

To: Mr. Suit, Production

From: Colin Creative, Development

Re: "The Flintstones"

Mr. Suit -

I'll talk to the writers about your concerns for the comfort of the animals serving as appliances around the Flintstone home. I would not want to give the impression that we are endorsing any kind of animal cruelty. This is after all not a Tom and Jerry or Warner Brothers cartoon, where violence and mayhem are commonplace.

I will also advise the art team to begin drawing all the characters with the appropriate number of fingers and toes, however I'm told by drawing fewer digits it takes them less time to draw each cel, which saves us as much as 5% on our art budget.

Colin