The Many Adventures of Dangerous Dave and Silly Steve

Chapter 2 - GOOAAALLLL!

Steve and Dave decided they would walk to the beach, they didn’t really like getting in the car with Nan, she rarely wears her glasses so she tends to drive on the pavement a lot. There had been a few times she had ran over peoples prized flower beds, or uprooted a lamp post, the reason Scribbles only has 3 legs is an unfortunate accident with Nan’s driving. She accidently hit the postman once, Steve and Dave offered to deliver the rest of his mail as he had to go to the hospital. The postman gladly accepted their kind gesture and went off in the ambulance where he received treatment for a broken arm and bent big toe. Dave and Steve were very proud of themselves delivering all the rest of the mail, they had never been postmen before and found the whole experience very exciting. They had found it a bit confusing at first as the postman hadn’t actually told them where to deliver the mail (they hadn’t realised that you delivered it through the letterbox of the address on the envelope) but they came up with the most brilliant plan, they decided that they would deliver the mail to anyone that walked past, so they went all through the town handing out letters and parcels to people passing them by. They even gave a parcel to the homeless man that lived under the bridge he was very impressed with his new pair of trainers, they decided they would save the biggest parcel for Nan as she was very upset after accidently hurting the postman with the car. Nan was even more impressed than the homeless man with her parcel as she received a very fancy, rather large hamster cage, she had always wanted a hamster, there wasn’t a hamster in it however, Nan improvised and she now puts Scribbles the cat in there sometimes. Poor Scribbles. Needless to say, the postman not only broke his arm that day and bent his big toe but also lost his job as a postman, his boss wasn’t very happy that nobody had received their mail and he’d had lots of angry people ringing him to complain. Nan hadn’t been in when they had left for the beach because she was playing football with Norris. They were very relieved about this besides the car only had three tyres at the moment so that was definitely a recipe for disaster.

Norris was their 97 year old neighbour. Norris and Nan went on many adventures together, Norris couldn’t walk but he could give a race car a run for its money on his electric scooter. Dave thinks that Norris definitely has a soft spot for Nan, he is always planning fun stuff for them to do and sometimes lets Nan sit in his basket on the front of his scooter so he can take her for a whizz around the block. They had actually passed Norris and Nan playing football at the park on their way to the beach. Norris had tapped a wellington boot onto the front of his scooter so that he could kick the ball and he had even taken a picnic for him and Nan. By the time Dave and Steve walked passed Norris’ control for his electric scooter had stuck so he was going round in a circle really, really fast. Nan was the other side of the field trying to kick the picnic basket that she had mistaken for the ball as she didn’t have her glasses on. There was cucumber sandwiches and cheese on sticks flying everywhere. Norris was screaming and Nan was very pleased with herself and kept shouting “Yes I’m winning Norris” So Steve and Dave decided that they didn’t need any help and they would leave them to it as they looked like they were having a lot of fun.

Dave and Steve carried on walking, they were getting rather hot and very sweaty as it was a lovely summers day.

“Hey Dave do you think we should put our hats on before we get to the beach? It’s getting very hot. I’m pretty sure the hats are meant to keep your head safe” Steve asked.

“Very good idea Steve, you know how much I like keeping safe, maybe we should put our sun cream on too!” Dave replied.

“Tremendous idea Dave. Here you go!” Steve reached into the bin bag on Dave’s back and pulled out the two shower caps. He handed Dave the bright pink one and kept the one with yellow ducks on for himself, Steve quite liked animals. Dave placed the cap onto his head and smiled from ear to ear.

“I like this colour Steve I think it really suits me.”

“It really does Dave you look great!”

Next they applied their sun cream, Dave removed the mayonnaise from his bag and unscrewed the lid. He dipped his finger in and popped it in his mouth.

“Delicious” he exclaimed.

He thought for a moment and then placed all four of his fingers into the jar, he pulled them out and was pleased to see a big wobbly blob of mayonnaise in his hand, he slapped his mayonnaise covered hand onto his arms and started rubbing it up and down, he then took another blob for his other arm and a final blob for his face. Steve grabbed the jar and took a different approach he decided to pour the mayonnaise onto his arms. Dave looked at Steve as he started to pour the mayonnaise onto his trousers.

“What are you doing Steve?”

“My legs”

“Oh no I’ve not done mine either Steve, pass that jar back here” Dave started to rub mayonnaise on his legs too, also over his trousers.

“Ahhhh, one last thing our glasses!” Steve remembered, they both took out a pair of Nan’s reading glasses and placed them on their mayonnaise covered faces.

Dave looked at Steve and started giggling... alot.

“What’s the matter?” asked Steve a bit worried.

“Your eyes look really big!” Dave howled.

“ha ha ha, so do your’s Dave. But I actually think you look really cool. Everything’s gone a bit fuzzy though! ” Steve replied not realising that if you wear reading glasses and you don’t actually need them that it means you won’t be able to see properly.

“Oh Steve me too. Don’t worry though it must mean that they’re working, the sun’s really hot today so it’s obviously just all the sun trying to get into our eyes, but it can’t because we’re really clever and we’re wearing glasses to protect them.”

With that they continued on their journey to beach, wearing brightly coloured shower caps, caked in mayonnaise that was also all over their trousers, Dave clutching a bin bag over his shoulder containing Nan’s cars tyre, some very hot ice cream, bacon bits and an almost empty jar of mayonnaise and wobbling a bit due to the reading glasses they were both wearing. This was probably quite good actually as they were unable to see the looks of the rather shocked people walking past them.

*

After 6 hours walking Dave and Steve finally arrived at the beach by this time it was almost tea time, and the beach was almost empty, apart from a couple of families who left quite abruptly after Dave and Steve arrived, either that or they had spotted the grey clouds in the sky. One woman covered her little boy’s eyes as they walked past.

Dave took off his glasses to have a quick look around, he could see that people had towels that they were lying on and umbrellas. He turned to Steve

“Steve I think these people may be a bit confused, why have they got umbrellas?? It’s not raining?”

“I don’t know” Steve laughed “They’re making themselves look a bit silly aren’t they”

They both started laughing. They decided on a lovely spot to place their things right next to the sea. Dave decided that he didn’t have a towel he would empty the bin bag and lay it down on the sand. He turned the bin bag upside down and shook it, out flew the contents of the bag, as the ice cream flew out the lid popped off. Now as you may know if you don’t keep food that is meant to be stored in a freezer, in the freezer it melts. Dave and Steve’s ice cream had been out of the freezer for 6 hours in the hot sun, it was now more of a velvety vanilla puddle than a velvety vanilla ice cream, it had completely melted into a hot sticky gloop. Steve unaware of the tub of melted ice cream hurtling towards him, turned around to ask Dave a question.

SPLAT...... Steve was now covered from head to toe in melted ice cream!

“Steve! What are you doing? We were meant to eat that for goodness sake, you already have mayonnaise on!!!” Dave shouted.

“Sorry Dave” Steve spluttered, wiping the ice cream off his glasses with his fingers “These glasses make excellent safety goggles though” He gave Dave two thumbs up

“That’s brilliant Steve but what do we eat now that you’re wearing our ice cream” Dave sighed.

Steve looked at what they had left and picked up the bacon bits.

“We could still eat these!”

“I suppose so, it’s better than nothing” Dave shrugged.

Steve and Dave sat on their bin bag for a while taking it in turns to sprinkle bacon bits into their mouths. However not all of them were actually landing inside their mouths, but instead sticking to their faces where they had their mayonnaise on.

“Right” Dave shouted as he jumped up “I’m going into the sea are you coming Steve?”

“No not at the moment Dave I’m going to finish these” Steve said through a mouthful of bacon bits.

“See you in there then” Dave shouted as he pulled Nan’s tyre up over his tummy. Steve watched as Dave ran into the water. Dave stopped as soon as his toes hit the sea and froze, he looked at Steve and screamed.

“It’s very cold Steve!”

Steve told Dave that he thought the further in he went the warmer he would get. Dave continued into the water until he was up to his neck. The tyre was made of rubber so had absolutely no use as an inflatable ring at all, in fact if it hadn’t of now been stuck around Dave’s belly it would have sank to the floor. Dave could feel the now even colder water touching the bottom of his ears. He turned around as he could hear a faint scream in the distance.

That scream was coming from Steve, Steve had been innocently enjoying the rest of their beach snack when all of a sudden he spotted a white bird not too far away from him (this bird was a seagull) now we did mention before that Steve loves animals this is why he had picked the shower cap with ducks on. Steve approached the bird to say hello, Steve was unaware that seagull’s like food and that he actually looked very much like a walking snack to them as opposed to a friend. When Dave looked over Steve was being chased by no less than 12 seagulls, they were swarming and diving towards Steve trying to peck all the delicious food off him.

“HEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPP! NOT FRIENDLY WHITE BIRDS! I REPEAT NOT FRIENDLY WHITE BIRDS”

Dave ran as fast as he could out of the water (which was actually very slow as he had the tyre weighing him down.) He eventually reached the sand, he was very cold and the bits of his skin that were visible through the now wet mayonaissey coating all over him were blue. He stood on the shore shivering, watching Steve running up and down the beach being followed by too many seagulls to count. Steve was the same colour as the seagulls after the unfortunate ice cream accident so it was very hard for Dave to tell where Steve ended and the birds began. At that exact moment the grey clouds moved over the beach and with a crashing of thunder the heavens opened and rain started plummeting down. The thunder scared the seagulls and they all flew off. Steve collapsed onto the sand out of breath. Dave squelched over.

“I really scared those seagulls off for you didn’t I Steve?” Dave exclaimed!

Steve looked up at Dave who looked a little bit like a slimly white swamp monster wearing glasses and a bright pink shower cap.

“I only wanted to say hello to them” Steve panted.

Dave explained to Steve that this beach was a little bit strange and not exactly how he had thought a beach would be, so maybe that had come to the wrong beach. He then went on to explain that he had seen the same birds steal an old man’s straw hat earlier in the day and also chased a lady off the beach because they wanted her hotdog. They decided between themselves that white birds weren’t very nice and should they ever see one again Steve should definitely not try and have a conversation with it!

Dave and Steve walked back to their spot to sit on the bin bag and try and work out how to get the tyre off Dave’s belly. The tide had come in and where they had been sitting was now nowhere to be seen as the sea had swallowed it.

“Hang on a minute.....” Steve looked very puzzled

“ STEVE THE BEACH IS SHRINKING, ITS SWALLOWED ALL OF OUR STUFF QUICK LETS GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT SWALLOWS US TOO” Steve and Dave weren’t aware that there was a tide.

Steve looked at Dave and let out a high pitched scream.

“I DON’T WANT TO BE SWALLOWED DAVE”

Dave and Steve started to run, Dave somehow managed to overtake Steve, but in doing so bounced Steve into a nearby sandcastle with the tyre. Dave saw Steve’s legs sticking out from the sandcastle.

“AHHHHHH NOW THE SAND IS TRYING TO SWALLOW YOU” Dave ran over to Steve and pulled him out.

Once they were off the beach, Dave and Steve decided that although they had had a really fun day they wouldn’t be going back to the beach in a hurry and they set off on the walk home.

On the way back they passed the park again, it was very dark but all of the lamp posts were on. Norris was still doing circles in his scooter but very slowly now as it was starting to run out of battery and Nan was on her front right next to the picnic basket, they were both snoring.

Steve and Dave both agreed that Norris and Nan must have been having so much fun at the park that they’d forgotten what time it was and worn themselves out that much they’d fallen asleep. So they went over to wake them up. Steve went over to Norris, as he leant over to wake him up a blob of icreamy mayonaisey bacony mixture fell off his nose and right onto Norris’ stuck controller, the now rather disgusting smelling concoction loosened up the control and the scooter came to an abrupt stop. This jolted Norris, who woke up. His first sight on opening his eyes was Steve two inches away from his face, but to Norris he looked like something out of a horror film, he didn’t realise it was actually Steve. Norris screamed so loudly that his false teeth took off over the park and hit Nan on the head.

“GOOOAAAAAALLLLL” She shouted as she sprang up out of her sleep, she had a cucumber sandwich stuck to her forehead.

“Nan” Dave shouted “It’s very late” He peeled the sandwich off Nan’s head and started to eat it.

Nan got into Norris’ scooter basket and Norris started to drive them home. His battery was that low Dave and Steve were able to walk alongside them. They told Nan and Norris all about their day, they explained why Dave was stuck in a tyre, why they both looked like a science experiment gone terribly wrong and why they smelt like rotten eggs. They also explained how Steve almost got eaten by 476 white birds, how the beach had almost swallowed them and how it couldn’t have been a real beach because it wasn’t sunny when they got there and actually it had started raining. They stated that they would not be going back to the beach ever. Norris stated that if they really meant that he might move to the beach. Steve and Dave were very confused as to why he would want to do that.

They arrived home some time later Nan wasn’t wearing her glasses so was unable to see the broken china plates and dresser when they walked through the door. Scribbles ran right up to Steve and started licking the mess off his trousers, Steve petted him on the head and whispered in his ear .

“Stay away from the white birds scribbles”

Dave got wedged in the door frame as he tried to walk into the house, this acted as a brilliant way to finally get out of the tyre though. He jumped up and down as fast as he could while Steve poured more mayonnaise onto him, he eventually popped out of the bottom of the tyre. As he stood up Nan’s front door and door frame fell off with the tyre still wedged tightly between them.

“Excellent” Dave exclaimed “Norris loves fixing things! Let’s go to bed Steve we’ve got another fun day tomorrow!”