The Last Time
For The Vocal Unspoken Challenge
The Prompt
Convey a deep conversation between two individuals without uttering a single word aloud.
The Last Time
All they now had were memories.
They looked at each other through the window as the train doors closed.
They did not want this but things had forced them into this.
Their dreams of being together forever were still with them, stirred by the memories of all the good times, but they would never happen again.
Petty jealousies of others had forced them apart, they did not want this and tears began to flow.
They both knew they were in love with each other and there was no other for them, but race and religion had forced them to do this, with threats of terrible consequences if they were ever seen together again.
Each felt their heart had been ripped from them, something they loved would disappear, and the one they loved would be on the other side of the world to them.
They could not write letters or make phone calls, the only crumbs of comfort were the keepsakes they kept to remind them of the one they loved.
Their photographs had been confiscated so they tried to fix each other in their memories, but knew that age would change both of them.
The train doors were locked and the officials checked the time before blowing the whistle and waving the train to go on its way to the seaport where a ship was waiting.
The grief in both of them was growing like a blackness inside them
There was no good reason for this but each of them accepted it for the safety of the one they loved.
As the train left the station the heavens opened, rain pouring down, as though the sky was crying for the lost love of these two sadder souls.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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Comments (25)
Congratulations on your Top Story! It was a great read.
I can see why this got Top story. I like how you started the story and ended the story . Bravo 👏
Congratulations Mike! Well-deserved 💙Anneliese
The ending really hit me. Beautiful work!
Great
Great post
Heyyy back again to say congratulations on your Top Story!
Mike, this really is one of your best, heartfelt and just perfect. Congratulations on Top Story
Such an amazing piece! Congratulations on your Top Story - well deserved.
Mike, this is my favorite piece of fiction I’ve read from you. Short and (bitter)sweet. It is far better to love and lose someone than to never love. This packed such a powerful punch with an economy of words, and I love the way you showed them memorizing one another, though they will change with age—in more ways than physically. But they will never forget who they were to one another. A fine entry for the challenge. Congrats on Top Story! 🥂
Beautiful story. Congrats on the TS.
Lovely entry! Very poetic and sweet brother! Congratulations 🎉 on top story
Very well done, Mike. A great entry. Congrats on Top Story
Mike!! There are so many wonderful amazing things about this piece!! It just gripped my heart so hard! Absolutely beautiful, tragic, and haunting at once! One of my favorites of yours, for sure!!! 💕
This was a beautiful entry! This makes me think of the song “You're Beautiful” by James Blunt!
Very Clear and Unbelievable fiction concept written. Thanks for sharing Mike.
Wow, you got this right, every line was meaningful and perfect.
This was so tragic! Excellent take on the challenge. I loved it!
The emotions in this are very well conveyed. Great job!
What a fantastic piece! You’re the best writer! ❤️💙♥️
That is a real tearjerker! It even left me without words. What a gorgeous heartfelt and very emotional piece. Good luck Mike.
Brilliant & beautifully written!!! Loved it!!!❤️❤️💕
Fresh water tears for saltwater heartbreak & woe & futures lost in the hazy mist of a world that cannot bear to see or accept the other.
It was sad, loved the images of the ending
You convey profound pain in shockingly few words! This could be anything from the holocaust, to forced relocation, to the antebellum south. You’ve brilliantly given us just enough, just just to draw our own conclusions and see ourselves in the pain your characters are feeling. Best of luck in the contest!