The Lake That Never Weeps

“I’m truly sorry Audun. We’ve tried everything. It’s been 8 years since we began the process.” Dr. Covidae hands me a card, “I‘ve written down a support group for you to attend. You’ll need people who have been through this.” She gives me a solemn look and leaves me to my sorrows.

Following the small arrows out of the doctor’s office, I make my way to the girl sitting behind the glass window then continue to walk on.

“Miss, Miss…” she calls out, but I continue on.

There's nothing left to say to her or any of the doctors I have visited. I began trying to have children 10 years ago. I’ve been pregnant 5 times, with no success. This journey has cost me financially and my marriage. Emotionally, I’ve been drained and mentally, I’ve repeated my pain. Physically, my body cannot take any more. Even my tears evade me.

The elevator bings and opens. There’s a lady standing off to the corner of the small, square space.

“Ground floor?” I ask her. She doesn’t answer.

“The Lake That Never Weeps,” her voice is a whisper.

“I’m sorry?” I look back at her.

“The Lake That Never Weeps.”

“Wha-“ I’m cut off by the elevator door opening. No one is there. My current elevator companion exits off to the right. “Wait,” I look out of the elevator to find her, but the long hallway is empty. Confused, I step back in to the elevator and continue to the ground floor.

During my drive home, The Lake That Never Weeps, her voice replays in a loop.

“What’s the news?” Belamy, my best friend and roommate asks me as he hands me a glass of wine.

“Nothing has worked. Doctor gave me this.” I hand him the card.

“A support group? You serious?” He rolls his eyes, rips the card in half, and tosses it in the air as dramatic as he is. “I’m all the support you need. Now sit and drink.”

“So, after the appointment, I get on the elevator and there’s this lady standing there in the corner looking down…” I sip the wine, “…with her hands behind her back. Her hair was pure white, in a long braid. I asked her what floor and she didn’t acknowledge me. Then she says, ‘The Lake That Never Weeps’ to me, twice.”

“Oh, no, no.” Belamy goes from laying relaxed against the couch, to sitting straight up, “Nope! We aren’t doing that.”

I giggle, “My grandma used to tell me stories of that place, but always ended them with, ‘But you must be weary. Fairytales only last so long. And things of wishes, always come at a price.’”

“She ain’t lying.”

“You ever been?”

“No. You?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Why do you think that lady said that to me?”

“Does it matter? You aren’t going, so…” He looks to me waiting for me to agree.

I stand up and gulp the last of my wine, “I’m going to take a bath.”

I lay in the bath so long I catch myself nodding off. I retire to my bed.

I begin to awaken to sunlight beaming through my curtains. Just before I open my eyes, I see the lady from the elevator. I jolt up in surprise. I hadn’t seen her eyes in the elevator, but she was staring into my soul with her purple rimmed yellow eyes. It feels like she is waiting for my arrival.

I steady my breathing and get ready for work. The music drowns out my thoughts.

“Good morning sunshine. Off to work?” Belamy greets me as soon as I open my door.

“You know it. Mama’s gotta bring home the bacon.”

“Maybe for you. You know I don’t eat pork.”

I roll my eyes, “Whatever…”

“Love you too!” Belamy yells to me as my car door closes.

Now, not even music can distract my mind. All I think of is her eyes. The way the yellow glimmered and the purple sparkled. How her pupils dilated with a message; an invitation. Her white hair was so white, it looks translucent. Her voice hums with melody. I become mesmerized. My eyes go blurry.

I jerk the wheel from oncoming traffic when a horn blows loud and abrupt. My heart races and my mouth dry. My knees go weak, forcing me to let up from the gas. My hand loosens from the steering wheel when I pull over. I finally gain my senses back after my breathing steadies. I reach for my phone and type in, The Lake That Never Weeps, in the search engine.

Many results pop up; images and legends of the lake. I click on the map. The lake is less than an hour away. It’s surrounded by woods. The 40-minute walking trail is the only way to and from the lake.

I call into work and head to the lake. The parking lot is only a small patch of pebbles on the side of the road. A guardrail has a sign behind it warning of the park’s wild life and that the park closes at dusk. I change my shoes to a pair of sneakers that were in my trunk. With only my keys in hand, I head to the lake.

It’s October so the leaves are beginning to change colors. The forest smells like fall. The ground is slightly damp from the rain of yesterday. The sky is clear and the sun is bright as it makes its way through the trees. There isn’t much of a breeze, but my hair moves with the air as I walk. The trail is thin and barely noticeable. People have carved things in the trees lining the trail. A ‘thank you’ has been crossed out. ‘GO BACK’ and ‘STOP’ are written more than once. Other trees have initials and objects carved in them. I see a few symbols I don’t recognize.

A piece of red ribbon is caught on a branch. I pull it to set it free and it’s carried by the wind in front of me. I follow the ribbon more than the trail. I find myself at a clearing full of little colored flowers, mostly purple and yellow, surrounding the lake. A few of the flowers are the other colors of the rainbow.

A thick fog begins to fall around me. Making the lake nearly impossible to see. The flowers disappear and the energy shifts. I’m not scared, but I’m weary.

“You made it.” The lady with white hair appears in front of me.

“Who are you?” Her eyes capture me.

“We…” three more women with white hair and the same eyes appear. A man with green eyes and one with blue eyes, slowly appear and come closer to me. “… are the protectors of hope,” they say in unison.

“Hope?” I’m confused.

“You hope for children? Correct?” the one from the elevator asks.

“How did you know…” My words fade as my agony rises. My tears have returned to me.

“We’re here to give you hope, now that you no longer possess it.” She lifts my chin to look directly in my eyes, “If a child is still what you hope for…”

I nod, “Yes, it is… But-“

“No but. Only one condition.”

“Condition?”

“Yes. We will help you conceive a child under one condition.” They all slowly begin to smile in unison.

“Which is?” I step away from her hand.

“You return your child to us the day before he or she turns 18 years of age so we can assess your hope.”

“What do I have to do?” Worry stirs inside of me.

“Decide if you would enjoy a son or daughter.”

I contemplate, still confused as to what is really going on, but I accept the condition.

“Honestly, it makes no difference to me.” I feel a happiness I once felt, return.

She steps close to me, gently resting her hand along the side of my face. I feel her warmth on my skin. Her thumb rubs my cheek. She pulls me to her and kisses me softly, slowly. She blows air into the small opening between my lips. Her eyes gloss over, she closes them and when she looks back to me, they are a very deep purple that have the stars of a galaxy in them.

She steps away and the man with the bright green eyes repeats what she just did. His eyes also gloss over, but they turn a dark green with planets of a solar system in them.

“Now come.” The man and the woman put my hands into theirs and guide me to the lake.

Now there are many of them standing in a row on each side of me. All the women’s eyes are the same colors, with different galaxy stars and constellations. The men’s eyes vary in color; including orange, red, black, pink, and even white. Each with a different solar system in them.

I step into the lake with them at my sides. The water is as warm as my bath from the night before. The water is very calm without ripples, even after we step into it. The lake makes no note of me being in it; no signs of movement or life. The water is as clear as glass and is flat, voided of ripples.

I watch my feet with every step. As the water reaches my neck, I take a deep breath and go under. Within seconds I’m breathing air again, but I have yet to put my head above water. I open my eyes and I’m submerged in total darkness. My hands are no longer being held and I’m not swimming, I’m floating. Then I feel it; a tickle in my womb. I caress my stomach with my hands. I cannot help but sob tears of joy. Of happiness. Of love. Of hope!

In this moment of hope, I’m pulled from the lake. Ushered to land by someone who I cannot see. I rest at the bank of the lake in disbelief. The sun is bright in the sky again. The fog is gone, along with the people who came with it. I’m also astonished that I’m not wet. Nothing on me is wet. I reach my hand out to touch the water to see if I’m imagining things. As soon as my hand is about to connect with the still water, my attention is diverted.

“Remember our one condition and all will be well.”

I pull my hand back as she says this to me.

“Why is the lake called, The Lake That Never Weeps?”

“Why would it weep when you all weep for it? Filling it with your tears.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I feel the same dread as I used to feel when grandma would finish her stories with warning.

“Congratulations.” She looks to my stomach. I follow her eyes and when I look back up, she is no longer there.

I question my actions on my way back to my car. I ask myself if I've made a bad decision. The thought leaves me as I rub my hands over the tickle in my womb.

The months of my pregnancy are as normal as any healthy pregnant woman’s is. No issues what-so-ever.

The birth of my twins, one boy, Evren, and one girl, Astra, goes smoothly. Both very healthy at 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and 16 inches long. Their birthdays being July 1st. Belamy takes the role of dad and enjoys parenthood as much as myself.

Each year that goes by is filled with love and happiness. They keep me busy. My hope is restored. My pain is removed. I watch them as they grow. They yell at each other and laugh with one another. They push each other down and then help each other stand up. Their bond makes me whole. The many pains I once felt after an unsuccessful pregnancy, has dissipated. I only cry tears of joy now.

When the twins turn 10, Astra’s leg gets stuck in a trampoline and cuts her inner thigh, causing her to lose a lot of blood. Evren's blood is a match. Their blood confuses the doctors because their blood is identical, which is impossible because they’re different sex’s. After, test after test, I refuse to allow them be tested anymore. It scares me to the point I uproot them to a new house in a town 2 hours south from where we lived. Thankfully, they adapt quickly and easily.

During their teen years, they find independence and separate interests. They lean on each other for support. They are beginning to find their own paths. They always say they won’t go far without each other or from here. When they are 13, they question Belamy and myself about Belamy being gueer, understanding that him and I aren’t sexually together. I explained IVF and they accepted it, thankfully.

As they grow closer to their 18th birthday, for some reason, I begin to worry. My grandmother’s words, ‘But you must be weary. Fairytales only last so long. And things of wishes, always come at a price’, heightens my anxieties. I still can’t figure out why I need to bring them back to the lake the day before their 18th birthday, to asses my hope.

None-the-less, I plan a day to go hiking with them. We pack food and sweaters. Astra grabs her camera and Evren collects survival gear; you know, just in case we get lost in the woods. He has always been a protector and her the artist. They’re excited for our day together, but I’m full of concern. I have this feeling of uneasiness and angst.

“You okay?” Evren asks me.

“Yes. Why do you ask?” I’m pulled for my emotions.

“Your face. You look scared,” Evren insists.

“Why are you scared, mamma?” Astra takes notice of Evren’s concern.

“I’m not ready to let you two go yet. That’s all. You grew up too fast.” A few tears escape my eyes. They pull me in for a hug. “Alright, let’s go.” They both kiss me on the cheek and grab the bags.

We mock the songs during the ride there. Astra’s camera often clicks in the backseat. The breeze from the open windows, forces out the heat from the summer day.

We make our way up the trail. Astra continues her photography and Evren spies in to the woods. I haven’t told them where we’re going. Belamy has told them tales of The Lake That Never Weeps. He’s warned them to stay away.

Not knowing exactly what’ll happen when we get there, my mind runs wild. Casting every negative thought deep in my heart. I want to turn them around and leave, but I can’t. The trail won’t allow it. Only pulling me towards the lake.

“Wow, this is absolutely gorgeous.” Astra snaps a few more pictures, “It looks like glass.”

“It does,” Evren agrees.

“Let’s eat,” I insist and we all sit down and do so.

“May we join?” the woman and man from 18 years ago, ask in unison.

My children look up to them with confusion. I invite them with my eyes and a nod. We all join in light conversation.

“Now join us.” They stand and pull our hands into theirs and guide us to the water.

“We see that your hope has been restored.” She whispers to me, but I say nothing and smile with only my nerves showing.

We enter the water together and like before, the water doesn’t move with us. Once we are under, I watch as my children’s eyes and hair change in front of me. They look to me for guidance and I have none. The woman in front of my daughter and the man in front of my son, they drag their hands over my children’s faces, connect their foreheads to my children’s, and blow into their mouths. My children then say, “We understand." My children then smile at me for the last time and tell me they love me, then float off into the endless darkness.

I begin to sob as I used to before my children came along. I reach out in the direction they left me. I rub the whom they grew in, trying to feel them again.

I’m pulled from the water, dry. At the edge of the water, I watch as my tears are collected by the lake.

“Why have you done this?” I weep into the empty air, “Why have you taken them from me?”

“We promised you a child and gave you two. They are no longer children so our arrangement is completed.” A voice is carried to me by the wind.

My eyes search for who spoke to me, “What am I to do now?”

“Retain hope,” the voice fades into the air.

I sit there until the moon casts light off of the lake. My tears have raised the lake to be full, but now I'm empty, again.

I find Astra's camera and begin going through the pictures. None of the pictures have my children in them. I pick up both bookbags and run to the car. When I reach the guardrail, I realize that I’m only carrying my keys and the car waiting for me, is the same car I was driving the first time I came. The face in my rearview mirror reveals that the last 18 years, no longer exists.

“Where have you been? Thought you got out of work at 3?” Belamy asks when I walk into our apartment. "And what are you wearing?"