The Fin

The soft coral light floods the sky as if marking its domain against all other colours. The ocean, bleak and silent, yields to its power and reflects back a dark shade of purple. I squint my eyes as I look at the dull silver of the urn: Its blatant lifelessness mocks the person it houses within.

I rest the oars on my thighs and will my breathing to slow. A coarse burning sensation travels up my arms, into my shoulders and crosses my back. I linger in the physical pain for a moment longer so that I don’t have to think about her: About losing her. I pick her up and jolt at the coldness in my sweaty palms.

“This was always your favourite time of day,” I say to her. “When the whole seaside town dreams in their beds, you would dream in your boat. I’m sorry you didn’t get to live the life of your dreams, Mimi, but you were always my hero for taking me in and never once complaining.” I hold her closer to my heart. “You taught me to swim here. Do you remember? I was ten, it was the year after Mom died.”

***

“Keep kicking your legs. You’re a natural,” said Mimi. She clapped only the palm of her hands together to prevent her dark red press-on nails from falling off.

“Swimming isn’t so hard. Not when I’m a mermaid,” I said. My head dipped under the water and I kicked extra hard to break the surface again.

“Don’t talk, Sarah. Concentrate on your arms and legs.”

“I told you to call me Ariel. Sarah is so boring,” I said and choked on a mouth full of salty water.

Mimi grabbed me underneath my arms and pulled me into the boat. “Sarah is a beautiful name. Your mother chose it for her special girl. It was her favourite name.”

“Mom’s dead and Dad left me so I’m not so special. I don’t want to be Sarah. I want to be Ariel.”

“Oh, honey, your mother loved you so much and never wanted to leave you,” she said and draped the towel over my head and rubbed my hair. “Besides, who wants to be a mermaid when you can be a shark?”

“Sharks are scary and they eat people!” I yelled but it was muffled underneath the towel.

“Sarah, let me tell you something.” She took the towel off my head and put it around my shoulders and kept her hands there. “Sharks are misunderstood, just like us girls. They are the most powerful creatures in the ocean but everyone wants to punish them for that. They are intelligent, provide shelter and food for smaller fish, and only bite humans when they mistake them for seals. They pose no threat but if you get in their way and disrespect them, they will attack you. Don’t be afraid of them, want to be them and don’t ever let anyone get in your way or treat you unkindly.”

“Maybe sharks aren’t so bad. And they don’t have boobs so I can’t die like Mom.”

“Come here,” she said and gave me a hug. “You’re not going to die like your mother. Don’t focus on death, sweetheart, only life. Your mother lived a great life, and we will too. Now let’s do some fishing before we head back. I have to feed my little shark so she can grow up big and strong and be the most powerful woman in the world.” Mimi opened up the box of bait and put a worm on the end of the hook and cast it out into the water.

“Are there any sharks here, Mimi?” I asked.

“All over, but you probably won’t ever see one. They don’t like to be seen,” she said and handed me the fishing pole.

***

“I know I haven’t fished in a while, Mimi, or even been out in this boat, but I’m so thankful for everything you taught me.” I unscrewed the lid of the urn and tipped the ashes over the side of the boat. The sun rose higher in the sky and I saw the faintest outline of a fin in the distance. “Only you could make that happen, Mimi. I love you, I miss you and I promise, I will always be the shark.”

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