The Eternian Historian

I am Kent, man of Southwest Michigan, and THE sole living historian of Eternian lore! This is Orko, my little pal. Fabulous...

"Hey; what'cha doin'?"

If the Trollan's voice hadn't annoyed me enough, his upside down hat and eyeballs hanging in my face startled the life out of me.

"Hey!" I answered as my heartrate slowed down again. "I...I was just writing in my journal.

"Journal, huh?" Orko honked, hanging back over my shoulder again and reading over me. "You're a scribe?"

"Scr...a writer; yeah, that's right." I answered him. "I'm recording my journeys here."

"Hm; but the Sorceress asked for a champion." Orko insisted. "I tell you what; my magic can write for you."

"Orko, I don't..." I began.

It was too late as my pen sprang from my hand under the magician's control. Then, suddenly, a black ink blot was in the middle of the page.

"Oops!" Orko chirped.

A familiar-sounding admonishment of "OR-KOHHH!" died on my lips.

"It's okay, little buddy." I finally managed. "...That wasn't exactly my best entry anyway. Now, I do respect The Sorceress, of course; but, this time, she picked wrong. I mean, look at me; I'm no warrior! Overweight, undermuscled, short, and not even a weap..."

I saw something out of the corner of my eye and paused. Suddenly, my Earthly garments had added a pair of golden bracelets (one where I used to wear my FitBit). Fastened to those golden bracelets were a pair of golden sticks.

"Hm." I mumbled, unfastening the golden short staffs in either hand and experimentally swinging them back and forth. Orko dodged as the staffs sailed passed and I didn't really blame him. "Where did these come from; let alone my skill to use them?"

"Not of your precious Earth, huh?" Orko demanded, haughtily. "You see, the Sorceress did need not only a historian of Eternian lore but she did need a warrior as well. She gave you those weapons as a gift and the ability with them. Even a master writer such as yourself isn't about to fight Skeletor with a pen."

I glared at the tiny Trollan.

"Look, I understand that part!" I answered, swinging experimentally with a staff one more time at the underbrush of the Evergreen Forest.

"Yee-owwwwwch!" came a sudden yelp from the bushes as a green tiger with orange stripes leapt out of the weeds.

Orko ducked from the sailing cat; I dropped the weapons to the ground to free my arms and hands and managed to catch him.

"Nice catch, sir; hi, Ork...I mean, *MEOW, GRR, PURR*." the timid feline declared before catching himself.

I set the giant tiger back down and scratched him affectionately on his head.

"Cringer!" I blurted. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Cringer gave a pronounced purr in response.

"Cringer, this is the Storyweaver of Earth." Orko piped up. "The Sorceress sent for him due to his knowledge and memory of Eternian lore; including about our talking an-i-mals."

"Whew; thank goodness!" Cringer answered, licking my hand. "Then I guess that I can just tell you now. I was looking for Adam! Skeletor, Beast Man, and Evil-Lyn are already in the palace! King Randor is the court jester; quite a bit funnier than you are, Orko. Queen Marlena is their royal servant girl. And Adam just seems to be wandering lost!"

"He and the other heroic warriors, by the sounds of things." I answered, picking up the weapons again and refastening them to the bracelets. "It sounds like I'd best leave the beauty of the Evergreen Forest behind me and get to the palace then!"

"But no!" Cringer insisted. "Clawful and Whiplash are wandering Eternia to brutalize its already confused citizens and Mer-Man holds court in the Rakkash Sea! Teela is off searching for He-Man's help and she thinks to have found him; with Trap Jaw right behind her!"

"He-Man???" Orko and I repeated in shocked unison.

"I know!" Cringer answered. "But if Adam's become He-Man, then...I can't believe I'm saying this...where's Battle Cat when Eternia needs him?"

I scratched my chin for a moment, then suddenly snapped my fingers. The abrupt motion startled Cringer all over again and knocked Orko back.

"Faker; it has to be!" I declared. "Where is Teela now?"

"She thinks she found him in the Sands of Time." Cringer declared. "Oh, if Teela's distracted by F-Faker and being advanced on from behind by Trap Jaw, even she could be in terrible danger!"

"...and she'll need help sooner rather than later." I added.

"Then..." Orko answered, prepping his arms and hands.

"...Uh-oh!" Cringer and I reacted in unison.

Powers of Trolla, I'm running out of rhyme;

Take us three heroes to the Sands of Time!

============================

Within moments, the Evergreen Forest truly was behind us and we were in the desolate Sands of Time. I barely had time to look around at my new surroundings when I did in fact see Teela, the Captain of the Guard, up ahead. There, in the distance from her, sure seemed to be He-Man.

Then, I saw an evil, armed cyborg moving behind Teela. Nevertheless, he was in between us and her so he hadn't seen us yet either. There was no time for conduct now...

"Teela, look out!" I (a stranger to her) shouted, prepping my staffs.

Teela gave a gasp and pivoted, revealing a sword in her grasp. Trap Jaw's surprise ambush had failed and he lunged with his hook arm attachment. However, I flung one of my gold staffs like a frisbee at a low enough level to catch the armed enemy by the heels and ankles and trip him up. Teela had no choice but to watch the fallen enemy, then glance back up at me. As the woman's eyes were on me, I almost blushed again.

"Thanks...um...whoever you are." Teela declared, curtly. "But He-Man and I could have handled Trap Jaw ourselves."

I had to approach if only to get my weapon back.

"Tripped by a fool boy!" Trap Jaw mumbled with his mouth full of sand.

I could ignore the villain and fastened the weapon back to its armlet.

"I'm the Storyweaver of Earth; the Sorceress sent for me in response to Skeletor rendering everyone else on Eternia with no memory or recognition of their surroundings." I declared. "I...guess you could say that I remember Eternian lore and you would recognize it."

"Well, thanks for coming then." Teela answered. "But if you'll excuse me, I did come here to find He-Man's help and there he is! He-Man...!"

"Teela!" an electronically stilted voice answered her.

"Oh no, ya don't!" Orko answered...

"Powers of mine, force evil's maker;

Expose to us that phoney-baloney Faker!"

As Orko's spell went flying, Cringer naturally cowered and I ducked. Teela, in turn, glanced about in confusion. Sure enough, Orko's magic struck "He-Man" and flesh turned to blue and skin turned to electronics.

"How does that settle that?" Orko demanded, dusting off his hands.

"That really was Faker!" Teela gasped. "Oh...Storyweaver, was it?...I was a fool!"

The Captain of the Guard collapsed into my arms. I couldn't lie and say that it didn't feel good.

"Anyone would have been reasonably fooled by that." I reassured her. "Especially out of a sense of false hope."

"Hey, not to interrupt..." Cringer blurted one more time.

"...You're right, Cringer!" I answered. "Teela, you and I will be needed. Clawful and Whiplash are out kicking around the confused and lost Eternians while Skeletor's in the palace."

"We'll see about that!" Teela answered.

"Yes, child; we all will." another voice suddenly piped up.

All heads turned yet again as another armored shape walked up and casually scooped Trap Jaw out of the sands before putting a pair of cuffs on the failed thug. I could only gape, aghast, at yet another legendary figure of the animated Eternia.

"You're Duncan, aren't you?" I asked.

"The Man-at-Arms; yes, boy." Man-at-Arms confirmed, extending a handshake. "And you are the Storyweaver whom the Sorceress foretold. Our Eternian citizens are really quite lost in this fog of confusion and forgetfulness right now. You could be a big help in clearing that up!"

"I'll do what I can; with all of your help." I vowed. "For now, I heard something about some bullies wandering about Eternia and tormenting the locals. I've never been a fan of bullies!"

"And no one here is!" Teela added. "Let us give them all the boot!"

"And take back the palace!" Orko added, backflipping in excitement.

"And restore everyone's memory; including Adam's memory to...turn me...(gulp)...into..." Cringer began

"What???" Teela demanded.

"Let's go, everyone!" Man-at-Arms suddenly declared. "Storyweaver, you know of Eternian lore..."

"...and you all have lived the landscape." I admitted. "Lead on, Duncan; Teela..."