The Cardinal Sin

I awoke to darkness.

Breathing heavily through the coarse rucksack which covered my face, I took in the putrid smell of the budding Callery pear trees. My wrists were fastened tightly to the wooden post my back rested on. I hesitated to squirm because the chaffing on my wrist was becoming unbearable. In between my labored breathing, I could hear the almost inaudible murmuring of people. I was no fool, this wasn't the first time I witnessed a public execution but it was the first time I've been part of one.

The sack was lifted from my face, its rough fibers scratched against my cheeks. The dim sunlight blinded me for a moment and I carefully opened my eyes to acclimate them to the harsh brightness of my surroundings. To my right was my lover, Ji-Hoon, battered and tied to his own wooden post, almost indistinguishable from the man who tried to escape with me two nights ago. And in front of me was a crowd of emaciated beings screeching and scolding at Ji-Hoon and me.

The cries became louder as if the villagers were disgusted by the sight of me. But they were equally as grotesque, faces contorted and malformed by anger, disgust, and fear, akin to a frightened mare. They were hungry, hungry for justice, I could see the bloodthirst in their sunken eyes. At once I pleaded, “I have done nothing wrong!”

They glared at me wildly with doggish eyes, howling and cursing at the wound my words inflicted upon them. Words that cut like knives, igniting the berserker which lies dormant in every human heart. I flinched and the rough twine brushed against the raw skin on my wrist and I squirmed as my accusers spat at me. My idiosyncrasies inflamed them further, causing the spectators to holler in excruciating pain. They screamed “ANIMAL!” at me, with their sweaty pig faces. They hated the way I cowered, my panicked breathing, and my fearful eyes. But what the herd hated most of all was the word “I”, which stood so confidently it left a deep distaste in their being. The herd began to pick up the stones with their scaly fingers and steadied their throwing hands. I let out a cowardly scream disguised as a question “What did I do wrong?”

At once the chimeras barraged me with a storm of stones. The stones broke flesh upon impact. A sharp stone sliced skin above my left breast, and the blood began to leak out of my chest. I tried to use my shins to protect my abdomen from any further harm. The crowd celebrated as blood flowed from the bruises which decorated my once delicate skin. My eyes searched for Ji-Hoon, and he stood braced against his post, with a limp body but as still as a rock. I lay on my post with a broken body but a steel soul. It was going to take much more than jagged rocks to break me. But that is exactly what I feared.

I lay there in excruciating pain as the crowd marched in unison from left to right, then to left again to inspect my seemingly lifeless body. They opened their mouths in sync and chanted “Heretic, Heretic” My eyes faced the soil beneath me and my busted lips remained closed waiting for the jury to tell me of my crime.

A singular voice spoke from the crowd, “You are hereby charged with the highest dishonor, you tried to desert this holy nation, you bring shame to The Great leader, and your brother and sisters. Every man and woman has a preordained destiny that will be decided by the Great leader, If you are to betray him you betray God.”

The voice was balanced and I was unable to delineate the masculine or feminine qualities within its resonance. Through my bloody eyes, it was hard to distinguish my judge. But I knew from the tenseness in my abdomen that several pairs of eyes were ready to hold the gavel and restore order by any means necessary. The voice spoke again. “You are a disgrace to The Great Leader and your brothers and sisters, but If you are willing to reform your ways, confess your crimes and repent you are both welcome to rejoin us and have the Great Leader's mercy."

A screech cut the dismal atmosphere. “I Repent, I Repent! I was foolish and I let the devil cloud my mind! I --am solely devoted to the Great Leader!” It was Ji-Hoon, screaming from the top of his lungs repeating himself like a broken record with treble so loud even the Great Leader could hear him several thousand miles away.

Were his words truthful? If so, then our love and shared dreams of freedom were false. If his words were false, I could not believe that this was an act, because my Ji-Hoon sounded like a man with a broken spirit beyond repair. Tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't help it as I watched the once rebellious man I loved grovel and beg for forgiveness like a dog. I stood there contemplating silently, with a single word echoing within my mind.

Repent. Repent. Repent.

What did I have to repent for? Was it because of the crooked nose? My busted lip? Was it because deep down inside I hated the villagers, the Great Leader, and this dictatorship? Or was it because I knew I had to leave this wretched place if I wanted the freedom to marry a man I love? Was it because Ji-Hoon and I knew we had to leave to provide the life which began to spring from my belly with a fighting chance?. But they would call me was guilty because I knew this country is sick, the people are starving and falling over in the streets like flies while the Great Leader lives in opulence. No good fruit could grow on such unholy soil, no life stood a fair chance here. My crime was my desire for freedom and even with repentance, my punishment would inevitably be death.

The crowd waited with intense anticipation as the blood on my lips began to quiver. Tears began to roll down my face and my mouth opened. That's when I saw the young boy. The rest of the crowd were sneering, waiting to pass divine judgment upon me but the boy had a heavy sadness about him. He was different. The child’s eyes were filled with a different kind of worry. A worry born of empathy.

I saw the moment he realized he let his true emotions show. The boy quickly fixed his caring face and put on a smile from ear to ear but his eyes could not lie to me.

I struggled to say the words, “I-- drepe-” Blood constricted my mangled mouth. The crowd leaned in ever so closely. This time with conviction I bellowed, “ I repent, I repent to the Great Leader that I did not betray my brothers sooner.” They began to snarl, holler and cry holding their ears in contempt. “I have not done anything wrong. I am innocent. The Great Leader is the criminal.”

The words were unforgivable.

A group of three men in uniform scurried out of the crowd and undid the twine which held my wrist in place. Then, a new heavier piece of rope was fastened to my neck. I was dragged past what remained of the fallen stones and taken to the Callery pear tree which stood solemnly next to the congregation. I screamed out for Ji-Hoon and he stood muttering to himself silently.

I fought and screamed for my freedom as the crowd laughed on. My arms flailed violently trying to claw the eyes of one of the men carrying me. I struck skin and one of the larger men broke my grip by fracturing my forearm. The officers began to kick my abdomen as I tried my best to protect the unborn life inside of me with my good arm. The thinnest man with the doggish face swung the rope over the sturdiest branch on the pear tree. The remaining officers began to drag the rope down to hell, and I began my ascension.

I felt like I was drowning in mid-air. I was gasping for oxygen and my body convulsed and my appendages dangled as I continued to float parallel to the trunk of the Callery pear. I looked as the crowd cheered and condemned me to suffer, some making bets on when I would lose consciousness. My vision became blurry and spotted as the last of the rotten Callery air crept into my lungs.

There was an intense coldness in the atmosphere. I began to silently apologize to my belly, gently consoling it with my fractured arm. The crowd was happily cheering. The officer with the doggish face walked to the still muttering Ji-Hoon, placed the barrel of his military-grade pistol on Ji-Hoon’s right temple, and pulled the trigger. In an instant, I watched as life left my lover’s eyes. My heart shattered and I began to sob silently as the noose constricted my screams.

But before I lost consciousness I saw him, the young boy, with his facade broken, with a fire in his eyes as tears rolled down his face. There was hope for the future yet. I was not the only one who sinned that day, for he had compassion and desired freedom too.