Humor
Pawn Shop Dystopia
Disgruntled with his government-provided equipment, the Ready Player Pawn Shop owner glares at a piece of seemingly silver jewellery lying upon the surface of faulty technology. An oil painting hung up behind the counter, a hologram label before it reading that it was originally created in 2013 by an unidentified author (crippling its value), pictures a gorgeous woman who is seemingly middle-aged, though she looks no older than her twenties. Her cat-like eyes gaze upon the strangely shaped object as freakish lime lights dance across its beaten surface. Out of nowhere, a booming sneeze erupts from the store owner, leaving no time to bring his arm to catch it. To the painted woman’s dismay, snot dangles from her styled, auburn hair. His eyes don’t change from their resting position of constant ferocity but the gentle exhalation from his nose explain his current thoughts plentiful. He sighs. First, he checks the left pocket of the vintage cotton jacket, where the label annoyingly poking out from the collar reads ‘MADE IN CHINA - 2032’, before jerking his hand back to the polluted air with no form of tissue in his possession. Some brief contemplation takes place before he takes the cheaply framed portrait from the wall and slots it beneath the counter crafted out of LED screens. A few minutes pass before he moves again to scratch his bristled jaw before being brought back to life by a melodious pinging from the machine beside him.
Corey PricePublished 3 years ago in FictionA Day at the Office
It was a wet summer’s day. We were having the monthly meeting. I was being written up for not following the dress code. I didn’t mean to wear yellow socks. Everyone in the boardroom was staring.
The Dare Games
“Long after The Collapse, perhaps decades or even centuries of a global power vacuum wars, society has started to rebuild. Technology production and development has started up. Government has begun to reform itself. One global government. It’s not as big as you think. 60% of the planet is uninhabitable or just too troublesome to try and survive on with the limited resources and technology that is available. No one really knows for sure what year it is we know it was 2065 when The Collapse tapped its music stand and began to conduct the government through its own slow, ominous funeral march, but was generations ago. My father’s generation was the first one to not be drafted, sold into slavery, or otherwise have their lives uprooted. A sort of ‘beginning of the end.’ Okay I’m exaggerating; the slavery thing was a short time period like 25 years ago and the roving gangs responsible have been dealt with. ONE village disappeared sometime in the middle of it all. It could have just been bombed to ash instantaneously and no one noticed amongst well, everything. At this point you’re probably like ‘Okay okay okay.. Phineas. Dude we got it. Shit sucks.’ Trust me. You don’t know the half of it; I haven’t even gotten to The Dare Games.”
Captain Comet
Nathan was a sharp-eyed child and his keen eyes allowed him to see the greatest of details no matter how big or how small. Capable of counting marching ants on an ant hill or viewing the moonlit craters in the night, Nathan considered this his one superpower.
Michael A MendozaPublished 3 years ago in FictionThe Milky Way Express
“Typical,” thought Elsie, taking a seat on the bus, “just typical.” The same day she gets evicted from her flat, she gets fired....Eight years in the same tiny cubicle and what did she have to show for it? A company logo mouse pad, a snoopy pencil head, and a “hang in there” cat poster...
Chloe RussellPublished 3 years ago in FictionMother Bird and The Crow
Once upon a time in a green forest there lived a Mother Bird and a Crow. The mother Bird's house was made of stones and Crow’s house was made of mud.
Shahana ShariffPublished 3 years ago in FictionHow Did 9 Get Her Face
Your teacher must have told you that there is only one planet where life exists., our Mother Earth. But let me tell you this secret, I know other planets too where life exists!
Superhero Talkshow
[Commercial Break 1] Skycam 1 hovered over the clapping, smiling audience, gliding down until it rested on the well lit stage where the host laughed at an inside joke with his guests. “Welcome back to the show. I’m your host, Tony Cantrell, and in case you're just joining us, we’ve been speaking with our city’s infamous hero, Greyscale.” Tony paused while an applause erupted, flashing the camera a toothy smile before continuing. “Greyscale claims that his arch nemesis, Dr. Chromatic, kidnapped his son, who had just taken up the mantle of Greyscale’s new sidekick, Pitfall. He claims that Dr. Chromatic took his son last summer, and in the time since, the Dr. has allegedly brainwashed Pitfall making him think he is not our fabled super hero's sidekick.
Dean FloydPublished 3 years ago in FictionWho's That Venus...
At the sun’s too enthusiastic greeting I am transformed into a zombie with my urr-ing groans. My arms extend the bed’s blankets into wings to shield my baggaged eyes from the unwelcome light breaking through the hotels window. “Shut the curtains!” I barked towards my wickedly optimistic mother. Optimism, who needs to see the light of day when the darkness of night holds our dreams? “Rise and shine.” Who is she saying that too anyway? Me or the sun, because the sun has risen, and I am incapable of shinning. Last night’s tiresome adventure already has me grieved with Tasmania. Sun, why do you bother to reveal your face? Nobodies eyes can tolerate you anyway.
Samuel FletcherPublished 3 years ago in FictionOasis Somewhere
Oasis Somewhere by Matthew Simmons “Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Four nuns walk into confessional. The first goes in and starts, ‘father forgive me for I have sinned.’ Then the priest goes ‘how have you sinned my child’ and she replies ‘I’ve had impure thoughts about men. ‘Say five Hail Mary’s and wash your hair in the holy water basin my daughter’ says the priest and she leaves and the next comes in. This time ‘I have gazed impurely on a man’s body father,’ and he goes, ‘Say ten Hail Mary’s and wash your eyes in the holy water. When the second nun leaves the priest hears arguing outside the confessional, so he steps out to see what’s going on and he sees nuns three and four are heated. Nun four says, I don’t care what he says, I’m not washing my mouth out with that water after you!’ Kyla finishes her joke as she climbs over a beat-up old Honda Civic on blocks. There was no laugh from her audience, the stuffed bear dangling from the back of her backpack. Her father never wanted her to know crass jokes like that but the engineer, Mr. Bartley knew hundreds of them by heart. When they made supply runs, Mr. Bartley was sure to tell at least two dirty jokes. One going and, one coming back and at some point they just stuck, but that was five years ago. Mr. Bartley lives only in those jokes now, and Kyla knows at least half of them. Half alive is better than not alive at all right?
Matthew SimmonsPublished 3 years ago in FictionNo Okies from Oklahoma, or Bennies from New Jersey.
Phil Baider is sweating, in his apartment, over a blue 2009 Prius on Queens Craigslist. It’s the end of the world and the seller listed it as not only "excellent,” but with “new tires. Under 100,000 miles." A steal in a constricting market. He and his wife Trudy had been locked inside their apartment for over three months because of city-wide quarantine.
J. E. SullivanPublished 3 years ago in FictionThe Super Awesome Adventures of Princess Chloe
This tale was told to a happy, smiling infant, who did not understand a word I said, but loved how I said it! Little did I know that even after this tale, having a daughter would teach me new things about being a better and more accepting woman and human being. Later iterations of this tale include these more broad-minded views on what being a Super Awesome Princess is. She’s definitely SMART and KIND and HARDWORKING. She’s also GENEROUS, and PATIENT, and STRONG. She’s also the other things--sweet, loving, artistic, sporty, talented, outgoing, quiet, silly, serious, and everything along the way. She can look any way she wants. In fact, I think just about anyone could be a princess if they wanted to be.