Mother and Peter

“Peter, this place is wonderful! Just look at this view. How did you find it?” As Mother glanced around admiring the beautiful view on top of the hill they had just climbed, Peter looked around and noticed if people were around them.

“I just went online and looked for scenic places and out came this bluff. I thought you would enjoy this place as much as I would. This place is just heavenly isn’t it?” Peter approached his Mother from behind. Mother walked closer and closer to the edge until she grabbed the railing with her hands.

“Yes, heavenly is the right word my dear” Mother turned for a moment and stared at Peter. Peter smiled back and with a low whisper said to his mother “Turn around” suddenly a scream was heard and Peter woke up from his nightmare. It happened again. For a few months now Peter had the same nightmare in different scenarios. In each nightmare he killed his own Mother. As Peter realized this was another nightmare he could not help but feel emotional. Many nights Peter had cried himself to sleep after such a nightmare. He would also put on his robe and go check on his Mother in her room to make sure she was okay. Peter could deal with a couple of nightmares here and there but these nightmares were starting to come every night now. Not to mention the guilt he felt the next day for even imagining doing something to his dear Mother. Peter and his Mother had decided to live together only a year ago. Peter was no longer married and Mother was getting older so they decided they could help each other out by living together in the house she owned.

Peter and Mother had always had a special bond. A bond that transcended other family members. They had the same tastes and enjoyed the same activities. However, a month into living together Peter began having those nightmares. The nightmares would vary in scenarios but always ended up in the same tragic way, he would kill his Mother. At first, Peter shrugged it off and even laughed at how idiotic the whole thing was. However, it was starting to affect his waking life. He could not help but feel guilty every time he kissed his Mother’s cheek. He also wondered if something was trying to send him a message. What if something was going to harm his Mother? What if by some freak accident he killed his own Mother? He also knew he could not share this with anyone. He imagined the shock on peoples faces along with distrust that he might do something. Peter would have to deal with this on his own.

“Peter! Darling where are you hiding? Peter, you’re starting to scare me. Hide and seek should not last an hour! Peter! Honey, I give up, please come out my son!” Young Mother sat down next to the tall willow tree. She was exhausted and leaned on the tree not realizing young Peter was on top of the tree with a bowling ball in his little hands. Aiming for her head Peter let go of the tie dye bowling ball and watched as it landed on his Mother’s head. This time there was no scream. Mother only shook for a second and then fell on her side. Young Peter suddenly let out a scream waking older Peter awake from yet another nightmare. Peter could not help but start crying in bed. These nightmares were making him feel insane. He loved his Mother with every fiber of his being, why were these nightmares in his psyche?

The days at home were getting harder and harder. Each time his Mother called him “darling” and “sweetheart” Peter wished she would stop. At work Peter looked for apartments where he could move to but then remembered how happy Mother was that he was the one taking care of her at home. He did not want to leave her and yet did not trust his own mind or actions at the moment. As more weeks passed Peter began to look awful. Dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping were making Peter look sick. Mother worried for Peter and made sure to cook him his favorite meals.

One night during dinner, Mother sat with Peter as he ate his soup.

“Peter, dear, I think I know what’s wrong. I hear you at night crying and saying my name. I want to come to you but I’m afraid of what I could say to you. You see, when you were young you did the same thing. You would cry in your bed and say my name. One time I went to your room only to tell you to buck up and act like a man, you were only nine years old! I don’t know what I was thinking, but after making that mistake I decided to give you nothing but love! But I’m afraid I still freeze whenever tears are involved. I’m sorry my love” Mother stood up and kissed Peter on his forehead. For some reason once Peter heard Mother’s words something clicked inside his brain. Old blocked memories came up out of nowhere. For whatever reason Peter felt immediately better. That night in his bed Peter went to sleep soundly. There were no nightmares that night or any other night in his life. It seemed that confession had made his obsession disappear. There was no need to hurt, carry guilt or shame. Instead Mother and Peter could simply carry on with their days.