Just My Luck

I couldn't breathe with out him, it was hard the first few days the first few months with out him was the worst pain I had ever endured. It is easy now, I have slowly but surely found myself and know my self worth. What we had was not love, what we had was a partnership and obviously he felt he needed to be in charge, dominant, and I liked the thought of that of course, until it really came into play and actually happened. It was all love, fun, and games the first couple months into our relationship very playful I was so happy, so happy that I was blind to all the red flags. Starting with minimizing the time I spent with friends and family he enforced it heavily. I couldn't go out and drink unless it was with him, and I could not be on social media posting about our relationship. A few months into our relationship it all started to feel like a big secret, like I was... some big secret. I built the courage to confront him and told him I wanted to end our companionship when he suddenly got on one knee, took the ring case out of his jacket and proposed to me, right at that moment I was sure this was for real and he made sure I knew how special I was and that's why he was the way he was he was just trying to protect me, to protect us.

November 2, it was his birthday and I was getting ready for him to get home from work, but I ended up waiting all night. I fell asleep and around 2 am in the morning I heard the front door open, I was upset but I knew he was going to have some excuse like he had to stay late in the office with his coworkers who were female. I was a bit jealous why lie. He walked into the bedroom and did not acknowledge me at all which I thought was odd, so I secretly followed him when he went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I waited for him to get into the shower I felt as if something was off, something didn't feel right, and girls know their intuition. Once he stepped in to the shower I quietly stepped into the restroom and right off the bat I see makeup stains on his shirt, I was livid. I did not say anything and searched for his phone, and when I grabbed it there was a lock on the screen. I never had a reason to go through his phone but I needed too. I was angry, so I open the shower door and he jumps and I immediately ask him for his password. He started to give me the run around saying to wait for him to get out of the shower, giving me all type of different excuses. "Baby wait! hold on! I have your gift on there its a surprise and I don't want you to see it!"'

That's when I knew this mother fucker was lying to me. I throw his phone in the shower with him and head to the room and just wait in there. He comes in there angry, angry at me for trying to go through his phone as he stated it was 'none of my business'. He got so angry he grabbed my neck with his hand when I quickly jumped away from him. What is wrong with you?! What the hell has gotten into you? You must be doing something bad if your acting this way you stupid man! I knew it i'm such an idiot!! You've been holding off the wedding because there is someone else isn't there? Who is she?!"

He was acting like a fool and pretended like I wasn't just going off on it, I know what your doing! I've picked up on your little games you want me to go off and you act all calm making me look like the crazy one as if I am the one thats over reacting! Fuck that no! I'm not doing this shit anymore! I rush upstairs and lock myself in our bedroom, and start to pack my suit case with as much things as I can, including the gun he bought me in order to protect myself I never thought I would need it just in case HE hurt me.

That was the first time I had experienced something like that with him, and he begged me and promised me that it was never going to happen again and that he would take the lock off of his phone. He got onto his knees and started crying, and pleading. I was foolish enough to believe him, but that is exactly what he does he manipulates me into thinking hes going to change, and that he actually really loves me!

Fast forward a about 2 months go by and I have been on my own for a while. I got me a job at a little bakery in town called Mom’s Kiss, and it was an amazing experience with such amazing and supportive coworkers. If I had not landed this job I probably would be back with him right now, I am grateful they kept me on my feet. It was all clear and blue skies until one day he walks in.. with another woman. I felt ashamed and sad but I played it off and even took their order with a smile I pretended as if it had not affected me at all. Later that day I went home and had a message on my answering machine, yes I still had one of those, they are handy when you don’t want to give out your mobile number. It was from him. “ it was nice seeing you today. You look great and I was just wondering if we could talk just for a bit just for closure. Get back to me please.” First of all I was not sure how he even got this number, second of all hell no. He just hurt me today and expects me to want to see him? Hell no. I felt sick to my stomach and had cramps so bad. I thought maybe it was stress from today but when I went to the bathroom it seemed as if I had started my period, which was impossible because I had not gotten it in 15 years! I was in shock and a bit worried so I decided to schedule an appointment with my gynecologist the next morning.

It’s 9:30 am and I’m about 5 minutes early so I’m waiting in the lobby, a bit nervous I hope it’s nothing much. “ Natalie Malloy” I head into the patient room and take a seat, the nurse asks me a few questions and I answer them all. I think my period has restarted but I had not gotten it in 15 years, I just want to make sure I’m all right down there.. I say I’m sure she can tell I’m nervous. We finish up and the doctor has come in and checked me out, now for some blood work.

I head straight to work after my appointment a bit neasuated, I was a bit nervous for my results especially since I forgot what it felt like to be on my period. I get a call as soon as I walk in, it was Doctor Nisja. That was quick oh my gosh. I hope it’s not urgent. “ Natalie Malloy?” This is her- Hi! We ran your blood work and got results, just not ones you probably expect but your body is doing extremely well… you are 2 months pregnant.. I know it might seem impossible due to not having a period for so long but miracles happen congratulations momma.. I’ll schedule some visits for you to check up on the baby..

what the fuck.