A challenge for everyone:
How often in life, do you see someone just silently staring into space. What are they thinking, what is their story? Are they happy, sad, reflecting, remembering, worried.
I walked past a person staring out a window. No movement, no expression. I Challenged myself to write a story about his silent thoughts, what was he thinking.
The challenge to you, it must be between roughly 600-650 words. It must be written nonstop in one sitting. (Take your time and work it in your head before you begin).
For more of a challenge allow yourself only ONE edit. Let us know if you succeeded with one edit.
On your submission note that it is for the: JBaz 'Silent thought' Challenge.
Link your story below:
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'A wasted life'.
That thought resonated over and over in his mind.
Memories of slamming doors echo within the folding silence of his home. No, that statement is incorrect. It was no longer a home, only an empty vessel, like his soul.
His hands tremble, it always starts with the little finger twitching uncontrollably. Then like a marching band on parade the other fingers join in, dancing to an unheard rhythm. His heart flutters in time, forcing tainted blood through his failing body.
Longing to hear a sound, any sound other then the voices yelling in his head. There is only silence. Children's voices gone forever. In truth, he never heard their shouts of joy or cries of sorrow, and this is why he stands alone. Staring out a window with no view, creating pictures of better times that must have been.
A plaintive ring shatters false visions of a better life. Reality once more dominating the empty spaces within the house. The only movement he gives, is a slight swivel of his head as he stares at the phone, vibrating with each sound as it cries out, begging to be held. Like everything else in his life, he ignores the audible plea, until it too falls silent.
The black and white photo remains in his left hand, gripped in a gentle clutch he tries hard not to lift it up for the hundredth time today, it only causes pain. He chances a glance and regrets it immediately. Eyes stare back, burning into his soul, they are full of love and admiration.
How did this once full life become so empty? Stupid question when you know the answer. Yet, he asks it everyday, and everyday he fails to listen to the truth. But the truth is twisted, a reality unto its own, a lie camouflaged as truth. Yet it was all he had, it got him through the long days and terrifying nights.
He cherishes the heat of the setting sun upon his body, the only warmth he will feel tonight or tomorrow or the day after. A clock ticks in a distant room, counting the seconds for no reason at all. Time is meaningless yet it is always around, reminding him of how little he had left.
A breeze flows through the open window, scent of fresh cut grass and dying flowers tickle his senses. Stirring memories of forgotten times, which still dare to linger longer than wanted. Buried thoughts to elusive and painful to capture or even try remembering. It is easier to forget.
Family gone; friends lost.
Given the chance, he would change, he must change, he will change. With determination, he would make it right. Run after them, plead, assure promises of becoming a better man.
A new sensation, a revelation fills his soul. A smile returns to a face that has only produced frowns. There is a jump to his step as he turns to regain the life he once had, to hold his family in his arms. Renew floundering and forgotten friendships. There will be joy in his life once more.
He made it as far as the bottle of scotch.
Tomorrow he would change, but first…
Thank you and good luck on your story,
Jason
About the Creator
JBaz
I have enjoyed writing for most of my life, never professionally.
I wish to now share my stories with others, lets see where it goes.
Born and raised on the Canadian Prairies, I currently reside on the West Coast. I call both places home.
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Comments (27)
Here's my attempt: https://vocal.media/humans/moving-on-cu2x0yrh
Here is mine! Sorry it's a little longer, but I did it in one sitting with no edits! Hope you enjoy https://vocal.media/fiction/rainy-days-d939071m
Jason, I LOVE this challenge. I’ve enjoyed reading all the stories it has inspired. “It must be written nonstop in one sitting. (Take your time and work it in your head before you begin). For more of a challenge allow yourself only ONE edit. Let us know if you succeeded with one edit.” That is exactly how I write, no matter what I write. Fiction, nonfiction, poetry. 600 words, or 6,000 words. It’s always stream of consciousness, written in one take, with one edit of grammar. It’s always after I’ve worked it out in my head—which can happen in an hour long walk, or throughout several weeks. I find this to be the most effective way to write, so it’s a beautiful thing that you’ve challenged your fellow creators to try it for themselves. It won’t be for everyone. It seems like it is for you! I loved ‘a wasted life’ so much! Holy shit. Not a word was wasted, pun intended. You did the damn thing. I can’t even choose favorite lines. This is something I’ve struggled with in the past, as someone with maladaptive daydreaming, putting everything off for tomorrow. So that last line was killer. Can’t wait to read your novel, and let me know if you need a beta reader.
Great story!!! And this is quite the challenge! I've read several of them so far. May try and do one by Wednesday.
My entry. This was fun at one write and one edit. Hope it passes muster. Thx. Scott. https://vocal.media/fiction/a-banker-s-eye
Intrigueing challenge. Great entry with colorful prose setting the stage so well. I will post mine shortly. The one edit goes against my grain, but I will comply. lol
1) Thank you for this challenge and I hope I can follow one of the many tangents my weird, little brain has taken in response well enough to enter something. 2) You set the bar very high with your example. Great story!
Here's mine- I found this more challenging than anticipated, for reasons of introspection! https://vocal.media/fiction/a-very-gallant-gentleman
Oh, god, you lifted my heart and then just dropped it on the concrete.
Nicely done story, detailed, rich with imagery, and profoundly sad.💙Anneliese Tried to do a tag-team version with Pernoste, but he was too busy, so I tried by myself. Hope you like it. Called "The wrong bus" https://vocal.media/fiction/the-wrong-bus-grtt0qd3
This is cool, J. I'll try enter. And nice piece.
Hi Jason- Here's my entry. I didn't meet the challenge but was happy I wrote something. It's been a pretty intense week and it feels good to flex my mind and write. Thank you! https://vocal.media/fiction/staring-out-of-the-bus-windows-at-night
Another not entirely as you suggested, but certainly influenced by your challenge! https://vocal.media/fiction/love-and-other-cruelties
Here is my version! This was fun :) https://vocal.media/fiction/when-lightning-strikes-63sg0iwe
This is so beautifully written. Lyrical and thought provoking. I wonder often -the lives people lead. i read it before but I was a work and got lost in my day. I am so sorry for not commenting sooner.I read Paul's entry and then ended up having a go. https://vocal.media/fiction/a-window-t612w0cjg
Ooo, this so reminds me of making up stories in my head as I'm out and about doing errands. I wonder where people are going, what they're thinking. Love this idea, Jason!! And your story was so good, bravo :)
Nice
Great challenge. If you did this with only one edit, that's pretty cool. I am impressed. I will have to see what I can come up with.
Jason, this was awesome storytelling and amazingly one edit!!! Loved it!!!❤️❤️💕
Here you go... https://vocal.media/confessions/sombrero-0z1ed0gmn
Did it - no edits, aside from the odd mistyped spellings. One sitting - boom https://vocal.media/fiction/lost-in-thought-at-the-park
That was fabulous. You did that in one sitting? Wow. Well done.
Ohhh I dunno if I could bash out anything worth reading in just one sitting! But I'll drop back and see what others come up with.
This was so sad. My heart broke for him 🥺 As for your challenge, it scares me. Written in one sitting and only one edit? Terrifying, lol. But I'll see if Mr Brain comes up with anything!
There are so many great unofficial challenges that I am working on things for at the moment and I've just added this to the list because I am a big people watcher/nosey bastard and already have a few ideas about where to take this interesting challenge! Well done on your example, it was sad, insightful, gritty, full of real harsh truths and that heartbreaking though believeable ending punched the gut!