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Fresh Eyes, First Snow

Zero Answers for Endings

By The Dani WriterPublished 4 months ago 1 min read
14
Photo by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto on Pexels

Two headfuls of space. The focus when that’s all there is.

Every maths and science lesson I had, soundlessly turns inside ‘frozen space headfuls’ calculating breaths I can subdue, thus saving precious air for Thierry. He endured agony waitlisted for life-changing eye surgery. Never complained or even flinched.

“Doc Ben gives anu eye,” he’d often repeat with the broken English he knew.

“Oh no,” I’d joke. “Huuuge discount! You get TWO new eyes.”

“Tooo nuu eyes!” He’d laugh.

And I felt sure he understood, gleaming pearly white teeth at me. White like both sclera post-operatively. White like snow he’d never see in Koulia Ba glistening on a miracle six-year-old’s deliverance face.

Volunteering with Médecins sans frontières bestowed favors.

A ski slalom run on powder fresh virgin snowfall; Thierry strapped to my body?

Small beans.

I daresay men’s hearts would river tears at the sight of his cinnamon face when he first beheld it. Countenance overflowing rapture at frosted water falling. He ate it. Rolled in it. A covered chalk dust snowsuit. Porcelain fluff. Giggles. Ice crystals on lips. Vast milky silence before descent and swish-swish, then “Again, Doc Ben! Again!”

His exuberance healed my soul.

But that avalanche...came outta nowhere.

Impromptu ice sculptures in an Arctic tomb in Tignes, medical logic dictates positives to Thierry’s unconsciousness: More available air absent shrieks of pain.

Downside: I can't check his airway.

Mental counting amidst alabaster frosted chill, a respirations-to-rescue ratio required for life...

Short StoryMicrofiction
14

About the Creator

The Dani Writer

Explores words to create worlds with poetry, nonfiction, and fiction. Writes content that permeates then revises and edits the heck out of it. Interests: Freelance, consultations, networking, rulebook-ripping. UK-based

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Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  3. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  1. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (13)

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  • Vicki Lawana Trusselli 3 months ago

    NICE

  • Hannah Moore3 months ago

    Gave me a knot in my belly this one.

  • Joe O’Connor3 months ago

    This twists between tense and joyous and back to nerve-wracking in so few words! “Acovered chalk dust snowsuit. Porcelain fluff. Giggles. Ice crystals on lips. Vast milky silence before descent and swish-swish, then “Again, Doc Ben” does a great job of showing a child’s excitement at their first snow. Well done 👏

  • Dana Crandell3 months ago

    What a beautifully written cliffhanger! Strong characters, a touch of humor and a wild twist. Well done!

  • Whoaaaa, you packed so much in here! Gosh this was so well done!

  • Such wonder, hope & promise, only to be swept up in an avalanche? Be still my heart, if there is yet to be hope again.

  • Penny Fuller4 months ago

    You completely captured me with his accent and the jokes shared between characters at the beginning. Your character development in such a small space is really excellent.

  • Andrea Corwin 4 months ago

    OMG! Great job! resuscitate!

  • Cathy holmes4 months ago

    This is great, and your writing is impeccable, as always.

  • Teresa Renton4 months ago

    Oh my word what writing Dani! This is incredible- the word choice, imagery, I have to revisit this later and delve deeper. I love the entire form this piece took 🥰

  • Real Poetic4 months ago

    This is poetic, very well written, and sooo creative! Love this entry!!

  • Babs Iverson4 months ago

    Awesome!!!♥️💕💕

  • L.C. Schäfer4 months ago

    There's so much here I had to read it twice 😁

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