Field of Burden

She felt she had been running for hours. Nothing but fields of grain around her. Occasionally, the purple and white of wildflowers appear in her path but she does not notice or stop to enjoy their beauty.

The ears of wheat had been grazing her bare legs and they were irritated. She knows they have welts and are red from the whipping of the course, tall grass. Her blue skirt has frayed and the bottom is tattered. It was such a lovely outfit for a nice walk in the country.

She continued running. Her strawberry blond her flying behind her. Long, curly strands waving like a flag. A dark, blue ribbon intertwined in her hair as if a symbol of her being. Tears stained her face although she did not know she was crying.

A few hours ago she had been walking. Enjoying a beautiful afternoon. The walk was meant to relax her. Meant to bring her some peace. But somewhere between the old oak tree and the broken down wooden gate she started to feel restless. She couldn’t shake it. With each step, she could feel another weight being placed on her shoulders. Burdens she didn’t want to carry.

At first, she had tried to talk herself through her anxiety. Told herself she was fretting for no reason. That things would be fine and that everything always works itself out. She tried to compartmentalize and put her worries in their place. But the doubt and fear continued to creep in.

She started walking faster. Trying to pull away. Going faster. Until she was jogging down the dirt road trying to outpace her thoughts.

She looked down the road in front of her, her eyes following its path to the horizon. The road seeming to go nowhere. She was going no-where. As she rounded the bend, she veered into the fields. The endless fields. The same fields that she woke up to every day. The rays of sunlight touching every part of its beauty. And in the evenings, the sunset turning the fields into beautiful waves of honey gold.

The fields did not tell her which way to go. No path was laid out before her. Her destination was her own. She ran in a circle, then faced the setting sun. She began to let go. Each weight beginning to lift. Her mind slowly pulling itself together. She started to notice her breathing. Gasping. Her heart pounding. Her legs were aching. She is now jogging. Continuing to let go of her worries. Packing them and putting them away in their place in her mind.

She begins to see the wildflowers waving at her in the breeze. She can feel the sweat glistening on her skin. Feel her hair sticking to her body uncomfortably.

She notices the moon is rising to take its place and watch over her. She knows that all is going to be fine. She slows to a walk, watching the moon. She bows her head in silent prayer, thankful for all that she has been given.

She begins to control her breathing and straightens her dress. She rakes her hands through her hair and quickly braids it neatly, her beautiful ribbon tucked through her tresses securing it. She wipes her face and raises it to the moon.

The moon is full and guides her back to the dirt road. Quietly, peacefully, she makes her way back, her dress the only indication her journey was not as it seemed. As she arrives to the broken gate, she makes a mental note to have the boys fix it in the morning, adding it to the long list of chores and shifting her thoughts to all the tasks that must be completed in the coming days.

She can feel eyes watching her as she nears the old oak tree. She knows he is there silently observing, his white face hidden behind the branches. The barn owl just continues to stare as she approaches. He was neither scared of her or she of him. She loved seeing his face, it reminded her of the heart carved in the oak tree by her late husband. She walked to the heart, touching their initials. It’s been almost a year and she missed him dearly. She knew he would tell her everything will be alright.

The barn owl moved catching her eye. It seemed to be nodding his confirmation to her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she whispered I love you and dropped her hand. She felt a slight breeze wrap around her and at the same time, the barn owl left his perch. She watched as he gracefully flew towards the field, almost angelic against the night sky. He turned back to her as if to say “until next time”, and she nodded her head in agreement.

She turned back towards the house climbing up the steps to the porch. She can hear the kids laughing on the other side of the screen door as they play. She lifts her shoulders, forced a smile on her lips and walked through the door.