Appreflutter

We exchanged vows under the golden glow of an autumn sunset.

Or maybe we went our separate ways years ago?

Your goofy grin was my reward for throwing my arms around your neck and saying yes.

Or maybe you never asked, because I never forgave you.

I agreed to meet, despite the knots in my body, because hope was my only source of breath; because it swept doubt away.

Or maybe I ignored your texts and calls.

I saw everything because I froze. I stayed long enough to see you push her ivy arms from around you; long enough to see you step back, frown, ask her to leave.

Or maybe I ran, crumpled in a heap, vomiting out the image of a woman wrapped around you, her lips searching yours. She flashed long legs, long hair, and high cheekbones like VIP tickets for entitlement.

When you drew me towards you and asked me to come on tour with you, I didn’t hesitate. I want you by my side, you said.

Maybe I said, No. I’d just get in the way. Maybe you didn’t even ask?

Did you really notice me in that cellar bar? Where many doe eyes played lighthouses, watching your fingers hypnotise guitar strings.

Maybe I lingered a while. Maybe I indulged that flutter of excitement… not listened to the what if it all goes wrong? Maybe I took a chance on a cute guy in a band.

Maybe I just went home alone.

Maybe …