Why I NEEDED to Spend $3,000 on this Dolce Gabbana Kitchen Set

When I was a kid and balked at eating lima beans, which have been mysteriously misclassified as ‘food’, my Mother would say, “There are kids starving in Africa (Chile, China, California) who would love to eat those lima beans!”

“Give me their address.” Is what I should have said. Because we all know that me not eating my lima beans wasn’t going to fill the tummy of one scrawny kid in Bakersfield.

And, we all know that the wealth of a few doesn’t mean anything to the poverty of millions.

If Jeff Bezos did NOT spend $1,000,000 on a kettle (the most conservative estimate of the diamond and ruby encrusted solar powered wifi and bluetooth capable kitchen appliance, though some have gone so high as $1B) ) it does not mean he would spend that million (or billion) bucks building homeless shelters or feeding the hungry or spaying cats or lengthening pug faces.

I spent $3,000 for this set. But, just look at what I can do with it:

I CAN BOIL WATER. Ya. I can boil water. And just because I boil water in a $1,000 kettle does not mean that other people won’t be able to boil water in their own kitchens. You can boil water in any metal thing on the stovetop.

Even if you don’t have a stove you can build a fire and make real Cowboy Coffee. Ya. Cowboy Coffee. I had Cowboy Coffee on a trip to the Rafter Six Guest Ranch in the Kananaskis region of the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Nothing tastes as good as coffee made outdoors over a real fire. I paid $50,000 plus for that trip but homeless people can have Cowboy Coffee for free, ya, free, every night. SO Jel.

2. I CAN MAKE TOAST. Ya. I can make toast. And just because my toaster cost $1,000 does not mean that poor people will not be able to make toast. And, I can only make TWO slices. TWO. But I know there are people out there who can make FOUR. FOUR. At. One. Time. Ya. FOUR.

And, as with the above mentioned Cowboy Coffee, you can make toast over a fire. Nothing tastes as good as toast made over a fire outdoors, especially when it’s below zero. Eating toast with warm fuzzy mitts on is the best! It’s like being on the Winter Bow Falls Patio at the Banff Springs Hotel cuddled under a real buffalo hide and gazing at Bow Falls under the Northern Lights. AMAZING! I envy those living outside. Nature. Nature is healing. That’s why I have never seen the homeless at ANY psychiatrists office. Not one. Not two. Not three or four or five or thirty-seven.

3. I CAN JUICE. Ya. I can juice. AND, I did not splurge on the $2,400 Slow Juicer. I could have. I did not. I only spent $1,000 and I would not have spent that thou on getting those little plastic juicers you push a half orange down onto and twist and push and twist and push. I could have got a thousand for a thousand homeless people. BUT, homeless people should not be drinking a lot of juice. It makes you pee too much and where are they going to go? In the doorway at the Peavy Mart. Ya. The Peavy Mart.

So, there you have it. Me NOT spending $3,000 would prevent the homeless from enjoying Cowboy Coffee and Cowboy Toast (something the wealthy can only experience on their infrequent vacations) and lead to too much juice causing urine with no bathrooms in sight.

I have done MY part. What are YOU doing to help the poor?

Hey! There’s a Dolce Gabbana STAND MIXER. Ya. A STAND MIXER.

DO YOUR PART!