Quarantine Pisco Turkey

My wife is not a fan of turkey, however with the uncertainty of meat supplies do to the annoying persistence of COVID-19, I was surprised to discover she came home from her weekly shopping excursion with a nice little ten pound Butterball.

“Why did you get that?”

“Because I thought they might not have any meat soon.”

“Awesome!”

The main thing my wife doesn’t like about turkey is preparing it, so that’s been my responsibility for all the Thanksgivings and Christmases of the last eleven years. She doesn’t even like to come into the room as I take the turkey by both wings and give it a little ballroom twirl around the kitchen.

Well, just as a broken clock is correct twice a day, a hopeless chef occasionally stumbles across a gastronomic triumph. After eleven years of turkey production, I seem to have finally cracked the code, and that ten pound butterball ended up so good that even my wife conceded that we can probably start doing turkey at least once a month.

Sadly, I didn’t take any notes, but I think I can pretty much remember so I’ll provide the recipe here. In any case, part of the fun of cooking is experimenting, so provide your own little flourishes as inspiration strikes.

Stuffing

The first thing you do is preheat the oven. One of the big mistakes I’ve always made with turkeys is that I overcook them and they become dry. I’ve always preferred to soften them up with gravy rather than risk serving raw poultry, but I think I’m becoming more adventurous in my old age (and a juicy turkey tastes so much better).

Based on the chart I used, a 10 pound turkey needs to be cooked for three hours and fifteen minutes at 325 degrees. Usually, I don’t have the patience to wait for an oven to preheat, but I’ve overcome that obstacle by turning on the oven before I do anything else. By the time the turkey is prepared, that engine should be hot, just don’t go opening the door every five seconds.

Some people make their stuffing with croutons, but who has croutons lying around the house? Instead, I take about three quarters of a loaf of bread and saw it into chunks. Then I put the chunks on a cookie sheet and shove it in the oven as it preheats. You don’t need your oven up to full heat to toast little bits of bread.

While the bread is toasting, cut up four or five sticks of celery, then set it aside while you go and rinse off the turkey. There’s no rush to get the bread out of the oven, it’ll be fine in there. I’ll come back to finishing up the stuffing in a minute.

Preparing the Turkey

All kidding aside, you do have to take a bit of care when preparing a turkey. You’ve probably set the frozen turkey out in a bucket for a couple days to thaw out, and now the wrapper is going to be filled with nasty turkey juice. Be careful when you open the covering because you don’t want to spatter your kitchen with this juice.

Put your turkey in the sink and gently remove the covering. Give it a rinse and let all the fluid go down the drain (I’m starting to understand why my wife hates this job). From the moment you expose the turkey, be mindful of the things you touch. You don’t want to leave traces of Salmonella everywhere to potentially infect your whole family.

In the body cavity you’ll find the neck, and in the neck cavity you’ll find a packet with the liver, heart, and gizzard. Take all of these things and throw them in the garbage. You’re under no obligation to eat them. Give the turkey a rinse, and set it back in the sink.

Preparing the Pan

In our house, we aren’t fancy, we just use a regular old 9” by 13” by 2” cake pan. Put down a layer of Aluminum foil and then cut some potatoes into half inch slices and use them to line the pan. When the pan is ready you can put the turkey on it and finish up the stuffing.

Wash Your Hands

It’s good to be a little paranoid about handling raw poultry. I wash my hands with soap and water multiple times throughout the process. This is because you’re always picking up dishes, opening up the fridge, grabbing knives, etc. Just wash your hands every few minutes and keep your kitchen sanitary.

Finishing the Stuffing

With the turkey in the pan you’re ready to get back to the stuffing. The bread in the oven is probably ready by now, so take it out and dump it into a huge bowl. We use the bowl we have for family popcorn.

Dump the celery on top and then melt a stick of butter and pour that on top. Mix the whole thing up. By the way, it’s a good idea to take your wedding ring off before this step, you don’t to lose it in the turkey.

With the stuffing all mixed, jam it into the top cavity first. You can really pound it in there, this part is awesome. Go ahead and take out all your aggression, they don’t call it “stuffing” for nothing.

When you’re done with the top cavity move on to the body cavity. Depending on where you bought your turkey, there might be a plastic or metal hanger inserted into the body so be sure to remove that. Other places just put the legs through a slit in the skin.

Some people sew up the body cavity when it is stuffed, but I just take a couple of potato slices and place them over the stuffing. I usually put the legs back through the skin slit at the base to hold it together. Once the turkey is stuffed, you should take a moment to wash your hands with soap and water.

Pisco Injecting

One of the cool things they sell at the grocery store is a giant syringe for pumping fluid into meat. When I lived in Peru, I was introduced to a marvelous, colorless brandy called Pisco. It’s the primary component to the world famous Pisco Sour.

Pisco can be a little tough to come by but I’m sure you can find a bottle if you really look. Take about a cup of Pisco and inject it into the breasts and thighs of your turkey. You’ll watch the body smooth out as the inner cavities swell with the liquid. It’s awesome.

Butter Coating

After you’ve finished with the injection, melt a half stick of butter in the microwave and use it to lather up the turkey. Pour it on slowly and smear it around with your hands. Once the whole turkey is covered, pour whatever remains into the stuffing cavity.

Put the turkey into the oven, close the door quickly, and wash your hands with soap and water. Be sure to wash all the utensils and dishes you used for preparation, and also rinse out the sink as much as possible. When I feel like everything is clean, I like to take a disinfectant wipe and wipe down my whole kitchen as a final step. It only takes a second and you’ll feel better after.

The Final Product

Don’t be concerned if you don’t get that brown, crispy look after three hours. The stuffed area will darken, but the rest of the chicken will probably look lighter than usual. It’s always good to make a deep cut to verify that the bird is fully cooked. Leaving the turkey in the oven for an extra ten or fifteen minutes isn’t going to hurt anything.

The Pisco provides a unique texture and flavor to the meat. Seriously, injecting your turkey with alcohol before you cook it changes anything. The meat comes out soft and the only way I can describe it is that the Pisco kind of clears out your sinuses. I’m curious to try new flavors like Screwball whiskey, wine, and beer!

It’s never too late to discover a new way to prepare a family favorite. Quarantine is an ideal time to give your turkey preparation a makeover. Who knows, maybe quarantine Pisco turkey will become your new Thanksgiving tradition!