Pizza Rolls FTW!

There’s is no snack in the world as perfect as a Totino’s Pizza Roll (except for the vegan knock-offs since this author no longer eats animal products). It is a classic snack in a delicious, greasy, and contained package which means it’s also one of the more pandemic-friendly snacks as well.

That last part is incredibly important. How often have you been at a party and you want to eat chips and salsa or any other kind of dip? You can either eat out of a shared bowl or try and put the dip on your plate which is useless as it’s insanely difficult to get salsa on your chip from a plate. Sure, they’ve made some plates with a built-in dip cup, but we’re trying to buy less plastic, you guys! Those plates cannot be eco-friendly.

It doesn’t matter when the stay-at-home orders come to an end, we’re going to be thinking about how we interact with the world around us for a while. That includes noticing where people put their hands.

Pizza rolls are easy to serve out. You can go with toothpicks or a serving spoon. If one gets dropped on the ground, it’s a quick scoop with a napkin to toss it, not a whole wipe down procedure as you get with liquid-inclusive snacks. And they don't require sauce (who knows where the set decorator got that idea in the photo above) as everything you need is right inside!

The supreme flavor is the most ignored and it is not deserved. The beauty of a supreme pizza is that little bit of crunch from the peppers and onions on it. You’d think that they might lose some of that crunch in the cooking process, but no! The crunch and flavor are there and don’t overpower the all-important cheese and sauce.

Not only are they easy to clean up, they’re also incredibly easy to make. Less than ten minutes in the oven to get just the right amount of “crisp” on the outside or even less time in the microwave if you don’t mind the occasional sauce explosion.

They’re so easy to make, you could argue a kid could do it. I’m not saying you should! I am saying that this might have been a really good task to give a young girl who wanted to hang out with the family during a game but didn’t understand how the game worked and ran her mouth a lot, and sending her out for ten minutes to make a snack for the family made her feel included and kept her busy… and I’m definitely not saying that young girl is me, the author. Not at all.

If you didn’t want to miss a sportsball though and you’re good with using your kids for free labor (and they know how to safely use the microwave or oven), then put them to work!

I relished the fact that I could be in charge of this task. It meant I could get my mouth on them before anyone else (even if that meant I couldn’t feel my tongue from burning it so badly).

You can also eat them cold! This is for sure not accurate, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that at some point in my childhood I tried it and honestly it was very enjoyable. Yes, I know that’s weird.

Pizza Rolls’ biggest competition is, of course, the Pizza Bagel Bites. They are also delicious however, they lack that beautiful crunch the mini-calzone-like Pizza Roll has on the crust. Bage Bites just had a great commercial jingle, but you could easily change the words to chant to your parents in the hopes you’ll convince them into a bag of Rolls. It’s only moderately-awkward and mildly-effective.

So if you’re looking for a snack that is CDC-approved (not confirmed), will have touched the fewest hands, and give you the most amount of flavor, then the Totino’s Pizza Roll is for you!