Lester's Fixins Review

This is one of the most chaotic things I’ve done in my life. Not just as far as beverages go, but in general. I’m willing to try pretty much any food once, and that extends to beverages as well. There’s no way I can justify what I’m about to do.I’ve been curious about these drinks for years. I’ve seen them on Amazon, but would always talk myself out of trying them, for completely obvious reasons. I have some predictions about which will be the most repulsive. Ranch is topping the list. There’s literally no way it can be good. I’m not really into Ranch dressing. I prefer Caesar. That being said, I wouldn’t want to try a Caesar dressing soda either. I can’t decide if these drinks would be better or worse without carbonation. It doesn’t matter, because they ARE carbonated and I WILL try them all. The minutiae of it all is pretty irrelevant at this point. What I WILL say, before even trying them, is that I appreciate that they’re all made with cane sugar. I appreciate a nice cane sugar soda. I know people will judge me for trying these. I understand that I will be persecuted and my beliefs will be brought into question. I’m not doing this for ME, I’m doing this for YOU and I’m doing this for US. I hope you all appreciate this sacrifice I’m making, even if you yell at me for it. OK, now let’s get into tasting and reviews.

Sweet Corn

This one was honestly pretty good. It smelled and tasted exactly like sweet corn, and if you’ve enjoyed sweet corn before, you may enjoy this. It is weird that it’s a soda flavor, but it’s not so odd and off-putting that you would be insanely uncomfortable drinking it. It’s OK. I was excited to try this one, and it tastes how I imagine it should. 8/10

PB&J

This was good as hell. I expected this to be the best one of the bunch. It mostly tastes like strawberry preserves or something, but carbonated, and with a little hint of a nutty taste. I would drink this as a regular soda. There’s nothing wrong with it, and even outside of this insane variety pack, it’s really good. 10/10

Ranch

You guessed it, I almost threw up. The smell immediately put me off. It smelled like Ranch, but Ranch that like... sat at room temperature for 24 hours or something. Yes, I refrigerated it. This was sick, demented, repulsive, everything you could imagine it would be, but also 100 times worse than that. The most deranged part, the most sickening part that I almost can’t even bear to admit, is that it didn’t even taste like Ranch!!! It tasted like sour butter. I’m not a Ranch dressing enthusiast, but I know what Ranch dressing tastes like. This was not it. 0/10

Buffalo Wing

This one was OK. It doesn’t taste like buffalo wings though. It almost tastes like... carrot... or some other vegetable. There’s a little heat kick in the throat, but otherwise there’s nothing about this that tastes like buffalo wings. It’s also sweet, which is odd. It’s weird, but I don’t think I’d call it “bad” necessarily. Just odd. If it weren’t sweet, I think it would be good mixed in a Bloody Mary, but it IS sweet, so never mind. I was expecting this one to be on par with the disgust I had for the Ranch one, but it wasn’t. 3/10

Pumpkin Pie

I’ve had a few sodas or kombuchas with spice, so I had an idea of what this would taste like. This one is really good. I’m not crazy for cinnamon in drinks. I appreciate that it has its place in the world, and mix it into things as I see fit, but I don’t really seek out drinks with cinnamon. All of that aside, this is a unique drink. It’s good. It doesn’t taste a whole lot like pumpkin pie in a literal sense. This is more like... a dream of pumpkin pie. Maybe if you had to recall the taste of pumpkin pie from memory and then funnel it into a drink, you would get this. 8/10

Bacon

This was the first one I tried, and I was super impressed by the smoky flavor. It’s sweet and smoky though. It smells like bacon bits. It smells, specifically, like the fake crunchy bacon bits that you don’t have to keep refrigerated. But the taste is more sweet and caramelly. It tastes a little like brown sugar and a hint of smoke. I would actually recommend that people try this. I was expecting it to be less sweet and more salty. I was worried about it, really. But this was really pleasant. 10/10