How to Make an Omelette That Puts All Others to Shame

The Scenario

You rolled out of bed this morning to find yourself abandoned. The wife had taken to kids to soccer practice and left you to fend for yourself. Breakfast is the only word echoing in your skull, and it becomes your only ever-increasing coherent thought. Scratching the sleep out of your eyes, you trudge toward the refrigerator. In the light of the fridge, you wince hard at the spot where the milk jug should be, but only find empty space. You look down to see cheese and ham, and your hopes brighten. However, they are dashed when you find the bag of bread with only the end piece left. You turn your head solemnly over to the stove top and realize that breakfast isn't going to be quick and simple this morning. You are going to have to cook.

Ahh, Ingredients!

This was the challenge that I was faced with this morning. I opened the fridge and took inventory. There wasn't exactly much to choose from, but I did have choices. I looked over the remaining ingredients with deep thought and decided on the only obvious combination. Man-omelette. It took far less time to complete, (about 8 minutes) and soon I was in settled into omelette heaven.

Here are the ingredients that I stumbled upon:

Eggs (plenty), Minced Garlic (interesting, but keep going), butter (obvious man-staple, second only to bacon), shredded cheddar cheese (score!), Texas Pete Hot Sauce (a no-brainer), sliced deli ham, not expired (bonus!).

Here is how I threw them together:

First I fork-whisked 5 eggs into a large ceramic cereal bowl. I also whisked in some pepper. One thing my father and I share is our love for pepper. Next, I heated a large frying pan. It set it on the 6 setting at first to really get it going, and then dialed it back down to five. I melted roughly a tablespoon of butter around the inside of the pan (Hey, I didn't say it was a healthy omelette). I poured my firmly destroyed avian offshoots into the ready frying pan. Then, I used my trusty 8-year-old flat spatula to ease in and pull the edges of the omelette toward the inside, tilting my pan in the direction of each side. This allowed any egg pools to collect to the outer sides of the pan and enable me to make sure all of the runny egg gets cooked properly. It's all about food safety here, guys.

When I knew that I was pretty close to finishing the eggs, I went about starting the fillers. First, I laid a generous amount of shredded cheese all the way around up to the edges. Second, I ripped about two slices of sliced deli ham. I would have preferred Danish ham, as it is much sweeter and lends well to omelettes such as this. However, I had to settle for what was here. I popped the top on on the diced garlic, and sprinkled a very small amount in a couple placed around the top. It did not want the garlic to overpower everything else. I just wanted a hint. Using my spatula I folded the eggs over in half and let it cook for an additional minute and a half on each side. This gave each side a very nice golden brown char marks that were assisted by the aforementioned buttery goodness.

Since it was a 5-egg omelette, I feared the danger of trying to lift the whole creation out of the pan at once. I just knew it would break, so I opted to cut it in half across the middle and lift each portion out separately. Once on the plate I gave each side a few shots of hot sauce and, voila! Instant Man-Omelette! I was going to hit it with a dollop of sour cream, however, sadly to my dismay, the sour cream had expired.

I trudged with the Man-Omelette to my favorite chair and popped the top on a nice cold can of Coke. In retrospect, 5 eggs was probably a bit too many, but wow! What a breakfast!

If you liked this recipe, please share around. Tips are always welcome and appreciated. 😁

Your Wordsmith,

Matthew Leo

© 2020 Matthew Leo