Feast My Bump!

When I share a recipe, I always hope that some of you will try it. Ideally, I'd love for you to love it. It would be the highest compliment you could give me if it became part of your repertoire. But in any case, I am a nosy bitch, and I always want you to come back and tell me how it went. So I thought fuck it, I'll do a challenge.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Pick one of the recipes below and try it out

Worry not, they're pretty easy.

How To Enter

• Document your effort and submit to the Feast community

• Put "Feast My Bump" Challenge in the subtitle

• Link back to this piece at the start or end of yours

• Remember to leave a link to your entry in the comments

Very important: your attempt does not have to be a success!

Details

Word count:- 600-1,500

Tips:- I plan to give a small tip to everyone having a go, but if lots of people take part, I'm only promising that for the first 10. After that, I'll still throw out a few tips here and there, for my favourites.

Extra credit:- Do you have a recipe you'd like me to have a go at? Link to it in your piece, and I'll tip you (again) if I give it a try. It can be savoury, or sweet.

Content:- Ideally, I want you to have fun. Sure, give us the nuts and bolts - tell us what worked and what didn't. Did you make any adjustments? Did you try it more than once? But also, tell us the highs and lows. Feel free to swear. I swear a lot in my kitchen. Did you fuck it up? Hit me with some innuendos, if you like. Make me laugh one way or another. Did your kids help you? Did anyone else taste the results? What did they say?

Photos:- Optional, but very welcome! I always forget to take process photos. I would love to see yours.

End date:- I'm leaving this one open-ended, like I did for the Wanky Song Challenge. I will do an update to let you know a week or so before it closes. With holidays approaching, this will leave a lot of people with no time to bake, and it will inspire others to get in the kitchen. I wanted to stay flexible.

You Have Options:

1. Flapjacks

If you are in the UK, like me, I hope you'll pick this one. It's probably the easiest, so it suits even if you consider yourself a novice/disaster in the kitchen. You'll probably already have these ingredients (or most of them) in your cupboard.

This is the one I'd like most people to pick, because I want to know how well this recipe holds up in different ovens. (This is partly why I want the failures, as well. Also, they can be kind of funny. You should see my attempts at a Vicky Sponge.)

You might well have made these before, and you've almost definitely eaten them in one form or another. How does this one hold up against others you've tried?

If you're not in the UK, I don't know how common the flapjack ingredients are. I've heard Golden Syrup is not easy to find everywhere. I'm more than happy for you to give it a go anyway and tell me what substitutions you made. If it's not doable, I would still love for you to take part, so I offer an alternative 👇

2. Cookies

There's something here for everyone. I'd be thrilled to bits if you use one of the suggested flavour combos, or come up with another. This is a good option if you have little ones helping you. Lots of not-hot jobs like measuring and mixing. Toppings are also fun!

Or...

3. Raspberry & White Chocolate Muffins

These are absolutely sodding delicious! I will be updating the below link shortly with an alternate flavour, so look out for that.

You are, of course, welcome to try more than one. This pretty much guarantees a tip from me.

Book

People keep telling me to put these recipes in a book, so I am. The working title is Not Your Granny's Fucking Cookbook. I figured that should reach the right audience.

Everyone who takes part will be offered an advance copy. I may request to use your feedback in it. You would, of course, be well within your rights to tell me to fuck off on both counts. I am not easily offended.

Thank you for reading!

If you are giving this a go, THANK YOU! I can't wait for you to try these out.

I have two other challenges running at the moment.

One is coming to a close - you have until Sunday (15th) to enter a song for this one:

I also have a fiction challenge for November, based around the prompt, "sometimes dead is better".