Excuse Me, But Did Our Waiter Go Home?

Well. The world went and got itself into a big, murky mess and here we are….all of us, just trying to figure out how to buy some potting soil or take a ride or get out of the house. I realize that most of the constraints have lessened, but we are still a bit trapped in a world and time we never thought would happen. So……

To the idea of getting out, to see what’s going on, what’s new, or perhaps, like me, you like to go out to eat. I absolutely LOVE to go out to eat, so imagine the serious case of claustrophobia I had when we were on Total Lockdown. Well, in Michigan we were. And I know others in other states who were and some, sadly who still are. But the good news is that, for most of us, we can now go out and about and see what the latest, trendy eatery (or hopefully the old traditional bar in your area) has in store. With the understanding that things are NOT the same, I offer some words of thought to everyone when they head out of the house on Friday night or off with friends on Thursday for lunch - I'd add brunch, but I think that’s been outlawed.

1. Please, PLEASE do not allow your child(ren) to run loose. It’s VERY dangerous, not to mention to rude to everyone else in the restaurant. Also, please don’t assume that it’s okay to let them toddle around if you follow them, because then the staff must watch out for one adult AND one small person. The statistics on being run over by a waitperson carrying twenty-four pounds of food and plates or two pitchers of beer with eight mugs to the cheering football fans is staggering. And it could do serious damage. To said and aforementioned adult and small child.

2. Please don’t have a temper tantrum if we can’t seat you immediately. We are trying our very best to accommodate everyone in a fair and equitable manner. Tables need to be cleaned, booth seats need to be wiped down, and perhaps there is a shortage of staff. More likely than not. If you insist in an unfriendly and rude manner, we might just let you sit on someone’s partially dried chicken fried steak from last night. And the operative words here are ‘partially dried’.

3. Please don’t ‘run’ us to death. This is the most common complaint among folks who wait tables or bartend for a living. Steps to a waitstaff are like paint strokes to Michelangelo – we try to make every one count. If one person at your table needs something (and I will state that it’s the waiter’s job to do this first), take a consensus and see if anyone else does. Tell your waitress everything all at once. Don’t wait until we’ve brought Fred’s beer to ask for a gin and tonic for Aunt Sophie. Repeated trips like these make the staff grumpy, the fries will come out cold, and you’ll end up wondering if your lovely waitress Lisa actually went home and didn’t tell you.

4. If anyone at the table is undecided about what they want to order, ask your server to give you a few minutes. This a greatly appreciated.

5. Please don’t leave half the cream in one of those tiny creamer containers. Use the whole thing. It’s less than a teaspoon and won’t impact your calorie count for the day.

6. Please don’t order ice water and then not drink it. This requires steps (see #3) and steps are money. If you order it, drink it. It’s good for you.

7. Please don’t come into a sit-down establishment if you’re in a giant hurry. They call it ‘fast food’ for a reason.

8. If we ask your table a question, whether there are two guests or twenty, someone please answer us. It’s embarrassing to stand and wait for a response. When we ask how everything is or if you need anything else at the moment, a simple yes, or no, or thank you will do nicely. Consideration goes a long way. In all areas of life.

9. If you’re waiting at the bar for a table and you’ve been served by the bar staff, please tip them. They all must make a living and not all bar staff are tipped out at the end by the waitstaff. Although they should be.

10. Please don’t be loud, rude, obnoxious, or condescending. Or unnecessarily demanding. If we tell you we’re out of something, we aren’t hiding the last order of the Friday Fish & Chips special just to smite you. If we mention that you’ve had as many vodkas and soda as permissible, be gracious. We want you to be safe and we want you to be able to come back. In one piece.

11. If we offer daily specials, it’s likely they are required to be stated. Give us two minutes to do so and we’ll be out of your hair. Then we'll hustle off to the bar to get your next round of drinks.

12. Please remember that we are human beings too. Just trying to eke out a living in a world and industry that is far more challenging that it was three years ago. Or ten. We will respond so very well if you smile, laugh with us, and are in general, a friendly face. We won’t react well to curt answers, foul language, whistles, pats on our bums or the ever-popular “Hey! You!” and snapping of fingers. This behavior used to cause Lisa to morph into a raging Friday-night-happy-hour bitch and her responses were so classic and poetically appropriate to Harvey’s bad manners, I can’t share them here! We all cheered!

For the most part, people who chose this profession, like their jobs. It’s an industry with a high burnout rate but it’s also a lot of fun. It builds character, patience, tolerance, organization, and great stamina. It can be lucrative and builds character (I, for one, think all humans should have to have this job for a least six months for all those reasons). I hope that you understand appreciate the reasons for compiling this list. There is certainly no excuse for bad service and we are sympathetic to those of you who have suffered through such. If you feel there’s a real problem, or you continue to have difficulty with a specific wait person on repeated trips, then please speak to management. Chances are if you’re having a hard time, then so are those co-workers. Try to leave it as a last resort – we all have bad days. Even Lisa.

Finally, please have a kind heart. For some of them, it’s their only means of support. Many of them are working their way through school, helping to support a household, or making some extra money to purchase a running vehicle.

In this time, right now, compassion goes a long way, and we are all in need of some. Take care my foodie friends!